DSL

So after all these years, I finally got Verizon DSL - what an eye opener!
I can't believe how fast and easy it is to get everything & also I can get YouTube!
KWUELLLL!!

This is pretty exciting. I think I have to pay $100 for instalation tho'. The guy was here for 2 1/2 hours & he was a pill. The type of person that just sucks the energy out of you. I felt I was at work, trying to make some duumkoff happy.
And he LOVES Sarah Palin. That's what a dork he is. GAWD. Glad that's over with, it was worth $100 just to get rid of him.

I'm RETIRED!!!!!!!!!!

Free at last!
Free at last!
Thank God Almighty
I'M FREE AT LAST!!!
With apologies to Martin...!
Glory Alleluia & THANKYA Jesus!!!!

I'm so grateful,
There are barely any words to describe.
I made it out of the Airline Pit -
To the other side of LIFE.
I feel so lucky
That I got out before I got
FIRED!
Something we all work with
In the back of out minds-
At least I did-
That's just how paranoid
The company makes us.

I woke up early on APRIL 1ST
With great Joy & Ecstasy
Bubbling up from my heart!
'I'm retired!!' I whispered to myself...
And inside my head I heard
A small clear voice, "we made it!"
Hello Julia! And thank you -
You & ALL my many multiple personalities
(Julia had corralled along my way)...
Each has gotten me thru it all,
Thru my entire life thus far.

I slipped on my Crocs
& ran outside in my sleep tee.
It was still dark
& the stars sparkled extra brightly!
The sun was just starting to rise
& the birds were beginning to stir & tweet,
"Kathy's retired!" "Kathy's retired!"
I felt electric!
Never before had I seen & inhaled
Such a beautiful early dawn!

Any other time
I would be cussing & moaning
About having to get up so early
To put on make-up
& get my ass to work.

It was a magical day !
And the only other time
I felt so happy, proud & smart
Was High School Graduation.
Hah!

I have been truly blessed,
God, Goddess, Universe
Has seen me thru
And helped me make it
To the other side of Seniority!
Thru both Heaven & hell,
I am still here!

6 More Days!

Omg! Omg! 6 more days!!!

6 DAYS & I shall be released from the bondage of a love/hate relationship with the sadist bastards of airline management.

A tortured marriage of sorts - you dedicate much of your life to a 'prized job' where you have worked your ass off with sisters & brothers thru good times & bad, FA's who have truly gotten each other thru the hell of 911 & the aftermath of company abuse in the name of avoiding bankruptcy.

A fine breed above many 'civilian' folks with their quirky, fun, hilarious sense of humor, Flight Attendants are the Best thing about this job & a privilege to work with! I shall miss the Flight Attendants the most. And hotel rooms.

Yep - call me nutty... I loved staying in hotels, my own room, clean sheets, room service, & the peace of totally spreading out in a king size bed alone (ha!) & watching all the dopey TV shows till I passed out from exhaustion!

It was easy to turn into a seasoned 'slam-clicker' the more senior I got, I had no energy to party after a long day in the end, tho' I do remember the yesteryears of a different industry with longer layovers & later sign ins!
Ahh, the Vivacity of Youth!

"Those were the days my friends, we thought they'd never end.."
I am SO grateful I made it thru!

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Holding My Breath

I am SO excited!!! 20 days....! Can't believe this time has finally come... Praying it will all go well, holding my breath I don't get fired for something- anything - the company hates us, FA's are going to strike soon because of (no) contract negotiations... & you just NEVER know when management's Big Ole Shoe will drop next!

I am SO close to retirement I can TASTE it!!!

I have run out of sick time, it's been 11 months I've been on sick leave for hip pain bursitis & now, heel spurs. I just can't walk, can't do the job - even if I wanted to.

Got REALLY fat, but I just broke 200lbs, & now weigh 198 lbs @ ww's. Can't exercise, it makes loosing weight SO hard. But of course I don't want to exercise anyway. I love my bed. I love naps. I love TV & snuggling. Never got to slug- out like this for so long before in my whole life. But I digress..

April First!!! Yep, that's my OUT date! Since it's April Fool's Day no one will believe it's real until the 2nd, ha!

But I think it's appropriate- The company has played us for fools ever since 9/11 taking away half our pay & so much else. If I hadn't of had to work SO hard for so much overtime, trying to make up for so much stolen salary to make ends meet, I wouldn't have turned into a limping, lurching, non- ambulating, pain jolting, cane grabbing, fucked up gimp.
Word y'all.

One day you can walk, the next you can't. So damn weird.

I'm a idiot, but I never once thought my body would give out like this, no matter HOW many miles & years I charged back & forth, up & down those ailes, turbulence throwing me into the walls so often I didn't even notice any more... None of us do, it's so regular... Your spine gets twisted & thrown out jostling to balance in the 'easy chop,' your knees are tortured & suffer, Your piercing backaches creak, your throbbing feet just scream after long inflight days... & let me not forget about the shooting sinus migraines from prolonged pressurization & recycled "air."

Yep, no doubt about it....
I have waited too long to retire.
Amazing what we put ourselves through when there is not enough money to pay bills.

I took the year off to get better thinking I'd get back to work. I'm out of sick time now & I ain't better.
Big, fat writing on the wall!!! TIME TO GO.

Okay, what can I say? I'm throwing in the towel, hoping all goes well & 'The Company' won't try to fuck me yet again in some bizarre way.

20 more days... a day under 3 week!!

I'm SO excited!!!!!!!

.

excuses

So here's the thing..
We get along So well when it's just she & me..
Life has been better.
It's really GOOD until her relatives are around.
I can't believe we've made it thru 28 years when we both are SO different. Guess we love each other. Sure feel like it when we're together - alone!
She really IS gorgeous to look at, & everybody thinks she is one sweet angel. She is around them all.

But then there's me to say, HEY - this is fuckked up. I DO go along with her program a lot. But some things I blow up over because they are just too outrageous to me. Well all this is an excuse for my behavior, I do need to get my anger under more control I guess.

Because we DO have so much fun together. I am looking fwd to the superbowl today. I hate sports, but have always enjoyed watching the superbowl (with Doris alone) because she is so into it. Of course it I were on a trip or she were elsewhere, I would never bother...

So I gotta go get a few things, & go to the gym spa before she gets home from church. Whirlpool & steamroom here I come!

Passive Aggression

I can't believe how I'm not keeping up with this blog, FB is just so much easier. Altho' I don't rant much on fb, except for not getting the gay marraige vote in Jersey...

I am SO fucking pissed that NJ didn't legalize Gay Marrige. Damn asswipemotherfuckers. Good thing I don't own a gun. I've been in a 28 yr relationship with my beloved, longer than most of those dumbass HETS have ever been in their 1st, 2nd, or 3rd marraiges. It WOULD be nice to get married & have equal rights before either of us kick the bucket! Shit for brains FUCKTARDS. All of them. Rant done.

So other than that, & also FA's do not have my blog addy, so I have bitched about some of THEM before on here...they ARE on fb so I wouldn't complain about them on there! However, they are all so damn funny, it is so worth having them on my fb! It also keeps me up on what's happening with the airlines since I've been on sick leave with heel spurs & leg burcitus for 8 mo... I do NOT miss flying. I DO miss the nutcase FA's. We're all a bunch of coo-coo heads.

Jan is birthday month for my woman, but I haven't had much money to spend on the celebration. She turned 74, still looks 44 & has more energy than I do for sure.

Strangely 2 days before her b'day she turned insane. 1st she got crazed when we came home from grocery shopping that I went up to check on replies for my fb entry about MLK day, I guess she wanted me to watch her cook dinner or something. She gets pissed I'm on the computer so much. I've been cleaning out my "closet room" throwing clothes into garbage bags to give away. But also I had clothes laid out on a couch to put back. She threw a tantrum fit & took everything & threw it out in the van. Still don't know what happened there. It really pissed me off when I saw she also threw my good clothes out. Plus I was hurt, here I am working so hard to clean up, & doing such a good job.

The next day she started screaming at me for rolling my eyes when Herman called to wish her Happy bday. I screamed back, we screamed for a good 30 min, "he's my SON, my son" "he treats you like shit" "it's none of your business" "anyone who gives half of 2 shits for you would not put up with him" "shut up about my son" "You shut up about your son."

So that night I went out to get her cards, balloons & flowers while she went to choir practice, her bday was the next day. So when she got home that night everything was set up. The thing is I got the ugliset roses I've ever seen. On purpose. They were pinkish tan puke color. The next morning i ran down to check to see if they opened up & looked better. NOPE! They each fell over on the stems & looked like crap. I was like omg, the roses died last night. D was it's okay honey, it's the thought that counts.

Well I have NEVER in 28 yrs done anything like that. It was so passive aggressive. Screw it, I don't even care - I didn't deserve the way she suddenly treated me out of the blue. And I'M the one who does everything for her, NOT her jackass pathetic son. Fuck her. I don't even feel bad I did that. (well maybe a little) But it secretly cracks me up, I think it's funny. I was mad.

But then the rest of the week has been great!
We went to see AVATAR again, this time in 3D!!! It was SO awesome, so beautiful, SO FABULOUS!! There are just no words to explain it. The 3D makes it like a LSD acid trip!!! SO fucking cool! Then we saw the Sandra Bullock movie The Blindside, also wonderful!
Took her to the Tropicana Diner for brunch twice. Had Chinese food one night. And just enjoyed each other's company watching favorite TV shows.... Her Birthday week is almost over.

With the exception of those 2 wierd days, things have been great. I doubt there'll be any more fighting for a while now.
.

Hey I AM sick

I got bronchitus. shit. I have weak lungs because I used to smoke even tho' I quit almost 4 decades ago. it's called copd, & everyone that used to smoke has it to some extent.

Anyway, got $100 worth of meds. oye vey.
On the good side, when I FART is smells like medicine.
That's sure new.

Why I got fatter than ever or MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTION

For me- try again. I must drop this tonnage & never again pick it up. God only knows how long it will take me this time… I’m embarrassed being this big now. I see people staring at me & pretending they’re not. Like they’re looking at a freak side-show. And they don’t say anything because that would be rude. It feels like I failed.


I remember when folks used to basically lear. That was SO annoying. I wanted to scream ‘get your fucking eyeballs off my body.’ It was the 60’s, 70’s & 80’s – a feminist era. Men have always been like that, they think it’s their right to just drool over any & every girl/woman simply because (they aren’t blind &) they can.


So I quit wearing make-up, & fabulous ensambles – just went for tee-shirts & sweat pants.. and THEN found a woman who was SO fucking beautiful that she got all the attention anytime we went anywhere, no one ever looked at me much after that. Well, it was a WELCOME relief & I was so proud to be with her!


But now back to the present. She is no longer proud to be with me, atho’ she still loves me, I know. I have abused my body so much with food that I have grown into a humongous Bertha Butt.


This time my reason was freaking out over the plane landing in the Hudson. Why was I torturing myself with Weight Watcher starvation if in fact that could happen to me too? I went into a huge depression & started eating everything & anything I wanted. That was a year ago last Jan 2009.


So this year, it’s coming back off. Because people are staring at me again not with lust - not that I'd want that, but with a shock of terror. And it’s not just men now, it’s everyone who’s ever known me & then some.
Because it’s sad to see anyone so out of control. And it is so embarrassing I just wish I could dissappear.

So here I go again... one day at a time. I've done it before, I can do it again... I need to get healthy again.

koo koo stream of consciousness

I do not feel good. I have had such a sore throat & bad cough for a week. The cough is violent & down in my lungs. After 7 days my ribs feel cracked everytime I cough, which is often. So guess I'll go to a Dr tomorrow. Seems by now this cold should be over. wtf? I want my life back. Been knocked out sleeping with all that Nyquil.

I need to clean up my room. As if thats gona happen once I get better. Doris has now taken to calling me a hoarder. So I watch those Hoarding shows, which are really horrid, & I do feel better about myself, phew! I sure aint that bad. Since when is not throwing out perfectly fine clothing being a hoarder? And for me, I need 2 sizes for everything- gigantic, & 40-50lbs less for when I lose this tonnage.

My loverwoman is so lame, that she never yelled at her shit for brains mf son that totally blew her off for Xmas & didnt bother to call to let her know he wouldn't be at the bus station while she sat there waiting to see her baby boy. In fact, she WAS going to cash in the ticket, but then he called & said he would come another time, & she was fine with it. Fucking lame I tell you, there is no hope for her - or us for that matter when the subject of her own personal jack-ass dumb fuck bastard seed is anywhere in the picture. Herman the vermin... It's so fucking pathetic. SO GLAD I didn't have children.

Hmmm. What else? I mean to loose weight this year. Too bad I totally abused myself with food & weigh 210, maybe more now. I figured it out at the last ww meeting. It was last January when good ole Sully landed his plane in the middle of the Hudson River. Scared me to death! - So bad that I got totally depressed & decided if I could possible die like that, fuck starving myself to look perfect. Seriously that is what triggered me & I was off & running eating anything & everything I wanted. And loved it all.

But now I'm on anti-depressants. And I seriously look like fucking pure-dee shit. So this is the year I again gotta get a grip. soon. shortly. in a minute. or two. Hell. I was gorgeous when I was young. NOBODY would know that to look at me now. It's a shame. Very sad. But there are so many lessons to learn from that. Too many to list. WhatEVER, I'll get it together, I did it 2 years ago, I can do it again.

hopefully.

It's embarrassing to go out in public looking like this. This is no joke. I would rather just stay home.

Amazing When Life Takes care Of Itself

Hello! Christmas is over, Glory Halleluia! It was most everything I wanted! Alleluia Amen & Awomen!!!

Had it been everything, I would not have gained so much weight this year to almost 210 lbs complete with a huge square butt that has grown up to the middle of my back & a gutt that sticks out so far I look preggers with triplets, however it DOES make a big ledge to rest my bulbous 44DD breasts on. Yeee-up! I'm a doll. My quadrupile chins that now hide my neck do come in handy when I nod off, they seem to hold my head up.

Anyway I digress. The thing I always hate about xmas as you all KNOW is having men laying around the house watching MTV whore dancers & talking on the phone, taking up couch space eating anything in the fridge. Especially the deadbeat, stank-ass piece-of-shit crappy father, youngest son of D's.

So it was all set up again as usual... Dipshit was coming in from Dtw on the bus ticket his mother sent him - everyone (but me) was excited to see him... His son, his sister, his brother, his neice & nephews, cousins, aunts, uncle & esp. my beautiful Doris.

Well he missed the first bus that left at 900pm & got in at 1045am the next day. So he will catch the same bus the next day & get in on xmas morning. nice.
Well Doris got up bright & early, got dressed & pretty, zoomed off to the Newark terminal to pick him up. I stayed home to tidy up some more (& I couldn't stand the thought of going to get the effin' slug.)

An hour later, Dumbshit deadbeat calls to say the bus trip cancelled (last night) because of storms across the country & he wouldn't be there. There was nothing he could do about it. I said you COULD have called your mother collect to tell her last night so she wouldn't be sitting out there at Penn Station Newark waiting for you right now...

So I called her, told her to turn her gorgeous ass around & come home - HERMAN (who goes by Asmar btw -can't blame anyone named Herman for changing to anything else) wasn't coming, the bus cancelled. She was like WHAAAAATTTT?????? But she pulled herself together because she knows I do NOT agree with him taking her money for a ticket... among everything else.

I felt so sorry for her, I know she was totally hurt. I can't stand the motherfucker, but he's her baby & she loves him no matter what. I just can't believe what a shit he is that he didnt call before she left to get him. The night before. What a fucking jackass.

HowEVER... I was suddenly delighted with life, & how amazing it is that it sometimes works out!!! Christmas was great! The grub was outstanding! D & I could go home & run up & down the stairs butt naked! So wonderful.
For me at least!

Merry Xmas '09 from Kmae & Dmae

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

Blessings, Love, & Light for a wonderful 2010!

KMae & DMae

, ,

Oh Lordie, It Won't Be Long Now.

Oh gosh. sigh. Don't know what happened, I WAS sorta doing well, but I forgot to take my meds one day, then I went down into the dregs of paralysis & suddenly balked at putting up the xmas tree.

I just couldn't stand to think of it. It was a skinny little $15 twiggy tree because I refuse to spend a ton on the trees anymore. And the bigger the tree, the longer it takes to light & decorate it. Luckily Doris put it up in the stand for me (after muttering her 'you can't do anything', she likes to tell me this regularly..)

The truth is I am sick of doing it all MYSELF with the Christmas decorations inside and out. This I CAN do. The other truth: I can't do anything else. ha! I actually can't. I vacum well. Can not clean, cook, wash clothes or dishes... So she IS right about all that.

So after D put the tree up in the livingroom, I put the lights on, then took 2 days decorating it. Now I need to add tinsel & it's done. I am sorta sad I got such a small. skimpy tree now as I KNOW I am fabulous at this, but just am sick of it after all these years.

ONCE I went for a decade with out a tree & didn't miss it. But since buying the house 16 yrs ago, got back into decorating. At first it was wonderful to have a home to celebrate holidays in, so romantic - my Babe & I !

All too soon I realized W_R_O_N_G !! Kiss those days GoodFuckingBye. Children, Grandchildren, Sisters, Neices & Nephews. GAWD Almighty. Such a DRAG. So NOT romantic. Shit fuck piss.

So OKAY. I got into it, best I could - which was pretty damn great with all the photo albums I made each year for everyone, & they DID appreciate it. Quit doing that 4 years ago when the money got cut down after 9/11. anyway, don't miss doing that, it's a relief in fact.

And I was doing the decorating & other presents for the grandkids when they were young. They are old now. They have their own lives even tho' they still come by & stay.

And then there is always that fucking Herman. Her youngest whom she loves so much & I absolutely detest his LAZY deadbeat ass all over the livingroom couches, watching MTV videos & using the phone as much as possible.

And of course he doesn't come if D doesn't send him a bus ticket to get here. He's 46 for fucking sake. I hate him. He's nothing but a bullshit con artist. But he IS part of her & she wants him here & doesn't want me to argue about it. So I gotta just eat it & go with the fucking flow. Oye fucking vey. What ever. Breathe.

Maybe this is why I suddenly froze about putting up the tree. Thank GOD I never had children to dissappoint the shit out of me. I'm so brilliant.

This & That

I just got a cortizone shot in my R. thigh, ahhhh- that shot hurts like a MF but the burcitis pain is gone for the moment!!! Now just the heel spurs are killin' me. Least this isn't a terminal illness, it's just decrepidness!!! Look on the bright side I always say!!!

This was my latest entry on fb... Since then the pain has come back but I think it's the residual from the cortisone, it is a very thick white substance & is SO painful to take into the body... So I'm thinking that's the problem, I just cant remember if this happened 3 months ago when I last had this shot. Anyway...

I should mention Thanksgiving was GREAT! D & her daughter/grandaughter didnt go to the Thanksgiving parade, instead we all met around 500pm that night at the neice's house in Burlington... hence they didnt stay over. Also the youngest son didn't come so I escaped THAT aggravation.. although I shall now definately have to put up with him during Xmas. Still a few weeks before I have to deal with that. sigh..... Tomorrow is the last fri nite for Monk - it's over for good. I lOVE that show. I hate that it's done. Shit shit shit. Can't wait to watch. BTW the Dr is giving me a continued sick leave excuse until 4/3/10. Hope the company approves it. Because I sure can't go back to work. I got a cane, crutches, & a walker in the wings for the days I need it. Tonight I used a cane & a crutch trying to get to the john. Ha! A Victoria's Secret commercial came on with all these gorgeous babes in wings & g strings, Doris was going ohhhhh... I was like honey you watch these lovely ladies while I hobble to the bathroom... We just cracked up. Guess you had to be here.

It's time for the fucking holidays again.

God help me, I'm starting to fret. The holidays are beginning. Trying to clean up the house for Doris' children & grandchildren. That should mean my children & grandchildren. ahem. Yeah whatever.

The daughter & granddaughter are coming tomorrow to go with D to the Thanksgiving day Parade. They'll crash here after the parade during the day. Then, One grandson is going with us all to Burlington for the big family dinner & wonderful food, maybe 2 grandsons...

The daughter & granddaughter will drive back to Maryland that night after dinner & visiting, & one or 2 grandsons shall come back with us & crash here.

The loser son keeps calling from Detroit, trying to manipulate D into buying a bus ticket to come for the festivities. GOD HE PISSES ME OFF SO BAD. She loves him & wants him here. He's a fucking skeve. Everybody loves him & wants to see him but me.

I want to smash in his lying, con artist, user face with a sledge hammer over & over & watch his life expire. I'm so sweet. Hate him & I gotta act like I care. Gag me. He'll be lying all over the couch, using the phone looking thru all our stuff. He's a skeve, did I mention that?

If he doesn't come thur, he'll definately come for xmas. sigh. Really can't stand men in the house. BARF-O-RAMA.

And did I mention we don't have a guest room? So everybody sleeps in shifts in the living room on the 2 couches. Ugh, cooties.

I don't know why I'm such a bitch over all this every fucking year after year. I need to pray for help, love & peace. I always look forward to Thanksgiving & Xmas dinners until - I start to remember what it's really like.
.
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Venting

You know what? I'm pissed. (again.) I have this gay FA friend I love. He supposedly loves me too.

He posted a pic on fb of his left arm with his initials tatooed on his really big muscle. This is not a new tat. Everybody's seen it, it comes just below his tees & work shirt sleeves. So everyone's commenting on 'sexy' 'great guns' etc... I commented 'horney boy' because to my mind, why would he be posting this when we've seen it all over the neighborhood?

Well he gets totally offended. Sends me a cell text 'stop writing horney boy on my wall, I already deleted it once. It makes me look like a whore.'

OoooooKayyyy. Of all the crass shit I write & swear about on fb he gets ultra-sensitive about the word HORNEY??? Jesus Christ Almighty.
I text back 'okay, nobody thinks youre a whore, everybody loves you. So sorry.'

Then he puts a post up on fb how he's having a hard time as a buddist dealing with his non-buddist friends' inappropriate coments on his wall.

Huh??? We have all written so much worse on ea others walls. So everybody responded in with 'oh yeah', 'right on', 'you go boy' not even knowing what was said or by whom.

I texted back on my cell how 'sorry I am, I feel bad, it was not my intention to upset him so much, I love him & send him joy & peace.' He hasnt responded back. But it appears he has now erased/deleted that whole previously mentioned posting.

Shit almighty. fucking pissy faggot. He can just kiss my butt & suck my twat.
Asshole.

And a well... could it be he IS a fucking whore???
sheesh.

Who cares???
.

Stick A Fork In Me, Looks Like I'm Done

Hola Y'all little Honeys !

Life is odd these days. Can't walk well, - left heel bone spur feels like teetering on glass shards with each step. The right heel bone spur isn't much better.
Nice.
Wonder if it'll ever change.
Plantar fasciia seems to be better under each arch. BUT- the sharp burcitus ache in my right butt, down my right thigh is starting to throb again, guess I need another cortisone shot.

Therefore... I don't do much. Really can't.

I've become a blob. A BIG one. Over 200lbs. SHIT.
I need help. I hate the way I look now, BUT on the other hand...

I'm just SO happy to not have to be flying. I do miss the crazy nutcases I work with, the fun we have 35,000 ft up getting thru the days & nights, the good psgrs, & hob-nobing with the moviestars & other famous glitterati!

Truth be told, I'm in no shape to do all that work anymore. Hell I can barely get the fuck out of bed... in the afternoon... (big chortle!)

How the hell am I going to evacuate a plane hobbeling thru a fuselodge trying to push paniced psgrs out of the way to throw open an emergency exit ?

Not to mention - I always would work so hard & run drinks/dinner so fast, zooming around back & forth like a batt outa hell! And I mean speed-demon FAST!

Do you know how long it takes me to limp & inch along just to get to the next room,
or the JOHN?? seriously.

Sigh.

Doris was freaked in the beginning & thinking of trading me in on a new model. But now she sees it's not all in my mind so maybe she'll try to hang in there a while longer. (If she want's to keep breathing, HA!)

I never thought my body would rebel like this, I should have been more careful...
I shouldn't have pushed myself to be such a high-time flyer at this age,
pushing for that almighty over-time just to try and make the same paycheck that management took away from us after 9/11 in order to "avoid bankruptcy." Mother Fuckers.

So it would appear that the writing's on the wall girls & boys... Not sure how long or how soon. I love my Flight Attendants, we are truly a bazaar & crazy lot. So much FUN & laughter.

Those of you on FB have kept me in the loop the past 6 months & given me the Big Laughs & Love. So I am sending this to you 1st, you can start, I mean continue spreading the rumours to the rest of Club EWR...

And I'll let you guys be the 1st to know whether I can last 6 more months or only 2 or 3. or maybe 4.. I want to heal & get better. But I seriously doubt I'll be well enough to come back... Okay don't everybody start jumping up & down screaming immediately!!!

love youse. xxoo
Kath

VD !

It's Veterans Day!
I am grateful for all you Vets that worked so hard for our freedom & democracy. I salute you all!

Oh No, I'm Mad..

I got really pissed off this week when I saw Joel Osteen, who I've ALWAYS loved since the moment I discovered him on tV sunday mornings with his positive & loving, upbeat 30 minute sermons...

Whoppie asked him point blank what did he think about homosexuality, is he really all love to all people. He answered some stupidass damn thing about he loved everybody, that gay people are so much fun, but he feels that they are not living Jesus' Best.. that Jesus' best has so much more for them ... or some bullshit crap answer.

I felt so irrate that I immediately FORGOT how the hell he answered, but honey she got him- called him out point blank & asked the question WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT GAYS, HOW DO THEY FIT INTO YOUR BELIEFS ARE YOU REALLY ALL THAT??? And he had to answer "I am full of shit..."

No that's not what he said but it is what it IS.

I really had faith that he was not like all the rest of the 'Christian TV evangelists' I'd dug for years that had let me down considering Homosexuality a sin... Robert Schueller, Joyce Meyer, & let me not start with the Black ones I dig... all of them with the best, positive, upbeat 30 minute messages so you dont have to sit through hours of screaming church services... and now joel osteen too. I'm not capitalizing any of their names anymore.

I feel like emailing him 'HOW DARE HE, that HE's the one not living Jesus' best because he is clinging to this lie.'

What is WITH all these fucking-ass pastors?? I just don't get it. Seriously.

I can think of Many ways I don't 'live Jesus' best' - I'm lazy, I hoard, I overeat & am a food addict- among other addictions which I HAVE managed to conquere, I judge, I hate, I swear, I'm jealous & I covet... But loving & honoring my beautiful woman for 28 years is not "NOT living Jesus' best."

They can all just kiss my fat, puckered aging pissed-off ass.
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A Big Lesson To Learn

I can't believe so much time has gone by since I last posted. I've been held hostage by facebook. My Flight Attendant friends (who are NOT privey to this blog, btw) joke about how I'm on fb every minute of the day. Well it's their fault cause they make me laugh so much & who wouldn't like that??? We're a crazy lot, & often only WE can understand our mania. I miss them, but not so much the work.

I also miss flying with the stars. Tried making a list of all I've met on fb in the notes section & erased the whole thing TWICE. Guess I'll start it with an actual pen & paper. How quaint. Gotta begin writing them all down before I forget who they were... which oh well, too late - I already have...

So here are bullet points to begin my review, not in any kind of order...

Still on sick leave for burcitus & hip pain , which is coming back as the cortisone shots are already wearing off. Also my feet are wrapped up for plantar fasciitis in arches & bone spurs in both heels. I'm hobbeling. It's all made worse from 50 lbs I've put on from not being able to exercise, & well basically eating anything I want.

It's shameful & I'm extremely embarassed when I pass a mirror & see my butt high-up on my back & feel my gut laying in my lap under my giant 38DD boobs when seated.. Good God WHAT have I done to myself. I should know better, & I'm so irresponsible for fucking myself up physically so royally. So ashamed.

D & I went to a funeral in Delaware of her good friend who finally succumed to Lou Gerrigs Disease. She was a prisoner in her body which had totally broken down - couldn't swallow, eat, talk, walk, type & drooled constantly. She was SO miserable. She was 61. She helped raise D's 3 children while they were partners for 6 yrs, decades ago.

I never cared for her much, actually couldn't stand things that she did which were often illegal & fucked up. I had worked hard on myself thru the years trying to be a better person & one thing I felt strongly about was 'do NOT hang around others that do fucked up shit...'.. I wont mention examples here there's no reason to now...

But she did eventually meet a great woman to make a good life with & who helped her get better, & she become excellent in many ways.

She/they adopted & fostered many children who LOVED her. They were all there at the funeral grieving her loss. Her forte' was nurturing each of them & obviously they adored her for it! She has done more with her life for that than I'll ever do with mine... Big lesson for Ms Judgemental Me.

I learned a lot from that & was finally able to respect her, no matter how I'd felt about her bs in the past. My lesson is that no matter what I think about people, they can still grow to do great things & be of wonderful service to others. Imagine that!

I have also learned this from D's pusshead brother who was not such a great prize in my estimation. Now he is helping many elders in the church & has become a good 'pillar of society', even tho' I totally observed him screwing his mother, father & sisters in the past. I enjoy being around him now, but I can't forget the pain he caused those I loved. Guess I'll have to get over it, as everyone else has & they are all just so happy to have him back in their lives.

Went out to a lesbian/gay party for halloween, was a Witch (obviously don't need Halloween for that!), D was Sherlock Holmes & carried a big magnifying glass. so adorable. Couldn't wait to get home & watch Monk at midnight. My God, I have become SUCH an OLD FART... Hope D stays around because there doesn't seem to be much I can to to even WANT to change... I'm tired from all the hard work from the past 41 years & feel a big need to just relax & do NOTHING.

Oh which brings me to the most important landmark... Started my 42nd year with my airline on Oct 24th. Wow. So glad I'm still alive, albeit limping along at the moment! I'm SO grateful for all the blessings God, Goddess, Universe has bestowed upon me thruout these long, often tedious, magical years! Thankyou Jesus!

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I Love Facebook

Well it's official.
I like Face Book better than blogging.
Damn.
Who woulda thunk it???
I have loved blogging for years.
hmmm. What the hell?

First, fb was just for my family & cool lesbians. It was great keeping up with all the grandkids & also my star dykes on fb!
I listed myself as KMae Bee. B is the 1st initial of my last name.

But then I started missing my Flight Attendant friends since Ive been on sick leave for so long. I started picking my favorites to be fb friends. So I changed my KMae Bee to my real name so they'd know who the hell I was. (None of them are on my bloglist...nope.)

And now the majority on my fb are FA's. Some I dont care that much for are asking to be friends. Not sure what to do about that.

The next dilema is since my real name is down there now, so many people from my high school are asking to be friends. I Definitely do not want to accept them. We already have a high school website we all write on.

As much as I care for many of them & see them each reunion, most are fucking dumbass republicans (Im from Texas) & I have no tolerance for their racism & homophobia.

Actually I stopped following some blog friends because I was so turned off that they were supposedly gay republicans. I was Pissed. Dickwad brains. Anyone voting republican does not support MY gay rights..

Of course I know I dont have to accept any friends on fb. But I dont want to hurt peoples feelings either.

So I am trying to figure it out. But I do love fb, its quick & SO funny. Thats the best part. Its addicting. I think I am starting to get carpal tunnel from staying on so long each day. I sure as hell dont get much else done!

Somebody Help me!
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Life Is Good

I can relax now.
Airline Medical called & said after reading my Dr's latest note, I was okayed for 3 more month's time off (till Dec 9!) Okay, now I can breathe again. Phew!

It's not till Dec 31st like my Dr. said, but maybe I'll be better by then anyway. At least I have a chance of Managment not harrassing me. Have mercy! sigh..

I took off my watch. Screw it.
Time schmime.
Won't have to sign into work for awhile now.
Alleluia, Thank ya Jesus!
And Glory to God, Goddess, Uniiverse!!!! In. The. HIGHEST.

Yep, I'm happy.

Doris & I had Baja Fresh Chicken Burritos & Chix Tostada Salad out on the veranda tonight! (uhm.... kitchen door patio.)
YumFuckingOla!!! Or ole' as the case may be.
Beeeaaallllcccchhh! burp!

It was SO great to have such beautiful weather again!

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9/11 eight yrs later

So. It comes back every year. On TV, radio, in papers for the entire day. God, it is a constant, 24 hr rememberance of the shock, terror & insane horror from the worst day of so many New Yorkers & other Americans.

For Flight Attendants - we'll never forget. All of us handle it differently in our lives, but make no mistake - it is always there in the back of our minds the minute we step foot in any airport or on every plane systemwide.

Of course this is all subconscious because who in their right mind (& I use the term lightly for many of us -ha!) would be able to obcess upon it every minute of the day & fly as often as we do?

We are brave survivors & professionals; sometimes it can seem to us that we're professional survivors with some of the passengers we have to deal with & flights that go on forever & last all day...

Speaking personally for myself the long hours, the hard work, all the passenger conversation, & sharing the work load with so many wonderful Flight Attendants get me thru my days & any post traumatic stress that could easily jump to the front of my cranium.. Because if I were to be honest, - that too (pts) - is always hanging in the back of my mind - like a thug lurking in the shadows ready to jump out to bash my brain & destroy my peace.

What A Relief!

So.
I've been moaping around for a few days because I had this Dr's appointment today with my orthopedist & I was SO afraid I would have to go back to work. I had 2 shots & the last one helped SO much I could actually walk again without such a limp.

A month has gone by & now the check up to see if I was okay to fly again. Since I was SO much better than I've been for 3 1/2 months I was afraid he was tired of me & would send me back.

But I still have pain when walking up stairs & walking on hard floors (like a mall) or around the block & in trying to do some exercises... I know I am clearly not good enough to go back, & am afraid my hip will go out again, back to the crippling, searing pain if I go too soon.

I was doing physical therapy 3 x week for 2 months, but I can no longer afford it anymore & owe them $400 plus. It really didnt help that much from what I could tell. The ONLY thing that worked was that 2nd shot! Thank GOD.

Deep breath...

He walked back in the room & gave me a slip to stay out till 12/31st.
Can You Fucking Believe It??? Thank you Jesus! I am so relieved. He said I am still way too weak (yeah that happens when youre in pain & dont move much..) I have bursitus & tendonitus... It is not an easy fix.

I'm very grateful to have enough sick hours left that I can do this. Altho' I've had so much time off - I've never had a summer go bye so fast. I just do not know what happened or where the time went. I don't get it. I was here every minute...
.

Another Lazy Day in Paradise- (HOME...)

I truly appreciate being home.
It's certainly nothing fancy,
but It's comfortable here.
And I love it because it's ours.
Even tho' it's falling down around our ears
& we can't afford to fix it...
It's still wonderful because it's just us here.
And Boo Boo the cat.

Today I slept until NOON in the pouring rain!
It was luxurious.
Then started fb'ing & tweeting & reading blogs.
I really am lazy.
Fuck it, I deserve it -
I've worked hard for decades
and I'm TIRED!

Then what do you know?
Bound came on the Logo channel!
Jennifer Tilly (such an ultimate fem) &
Gina Gershon (the sexiest BUTCH in this movie)
drive me CRAZY together!!!
My GOD they're SO steamy & slivering,
just juicy & ripe!

I had Ms Gershon on a flight a couple of times!
(Damn...her Lips are amazing!)
I asked her how she knew
how to be such a good Lesbian in Bound?
She said it was just acting like a man.
Uhhh, no you acted better
than any man ever could!
She said well,
thank you so very much.

Oh Honey,
you are SO very welcome.

Thank YOU!!!
.

A New Meme from Ann

1. What is your occupation right now?
Flight Attendant 41yrs

2 What color are your socks right now?
bare feet - yea!

3. What are you listening to right now?
One Life To Live

4. What was the last thing that you ate?
3 egg whites

5. Can you drive a stick shift? If I have to
sure!- my 1st car- 63 Corvair convertable!

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
Doris' sister

7 Do you like the person who sent this to you?
We were in High Schoool & Girl Scouts but became good friends later in life, YES!

8. How old are you today?
62 & 3 mos

9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV?
superbowl

10. What is your favorite drink?
diet coke

11. Have you ever dyed your hair?
bleached starting in the 8th grade & now use a brown glaze

12. favorite food?
spaghetti & meat sauce

13. What is the last movie you watched?
some Johnny Depp gangster picture

14. Favorite day of the year?
5/24th my birthday

15. How do you vent anger?
yell at D. & write in blog

16. What was your favorite toy as a child?
bicycle

17. What is your favorite season?
summer well, anything but winter

18. Cherries or Blueberries?
neither Blackberry- wish I had one!

Do you want your friends to e-mail you back?
yes

20. Who is the most likely to respond?
?

21. Who is least likely to respond?
?

22. Living arrangements?
Doris 28yrs

23. When was the last time you cried?
It's been awhile since I started zoloft! Yea!

24 What's on the floor of your closet?
oh please, I have more than closets, I have a very messy Room full of clothes!

25 Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending to?
not sending

26. What did you do last night ?
facebook & twitter & tv...

27 What are most afraid of?
loosing Doris & getting fired before retiring

29 Spicy or cheese hamburgers?
Cheese burgers!

29. favorite dog breed?
poodle

30 favorite day of the week?
saturday

31. How many states have you lived in?
Texas, California, NYC, New Jersey

32 PEARLS OR DIAMONDS
diamonds

33 What is your favorite flower
Purple Iris

34 What drives you crazy?
Loud, obnoxious people
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Back On Line!!!

I am SO happy to have my computer back & working!!!
Thank GOD, I was so going thru withdrawal. I missed Facebook the most, strangely enough. It really is a neat way to keep up with folks! They seem to write there more than in their blogs.

ALL the people at the Mac store were SO very kind & helpful. I had to go back twice. Those geniuses are brilliant!
I am grateful.

Doris...not so much. Ha!

Meme From Deborah on fb

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
MORTGAGE

2. Do you miss being a child?
ONLY THE MONEY,,,,,I was privileged & too miserable to know it.

3. Chore you hate the most?
HOUSEWORK - DISHES

4. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
OUTSIDE - DORIS GRILLED!

5. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
I WOULD NOT DO DRUGS OR BOOZE.

6. Name of your first grade teacher?
1ST MISS SMITH
2ND MISS JONES
3RD MRS ALEXANDER
4TH MRS FULLER
5TH MISS LANDRUM
6TH MRS HALFORD

7.What do you really want to be doing right now?
FINDING MY ZEN AT THE SHORE!

8. What did you want to be when you grew up?
DANCING ON BROADWAY

9. How many colleges did you attend?
ONE

10.Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
SLEEVELESS COTTON UNDERSHIRT CAC BROKEN
SWELTERING!

11. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
FUCKING STUPID

12.First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
DORIS IS MY ALARM, SHE'S DAMN NOISY

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
DAMN I WISH I COULD STOP FARTING

14. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
JESUS

15. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
NO THANK GOD, GODDESS, UNIVERSE! AND ANGELS.

16. If you didn’t have to work, would you volunteer?
MAYBE

17. Get up early or sleep in?
SLEEP IN ALWAYS!

18. What is your favorite cartoon character?
BULLWINKLE

19. Favorite thing to do at night with a guy/girl?
LOVE HER

20. When did you first start feeling old?
MID 50's

21. Favorite lunch meat?
HONEY MESQUITE TURKEY WITH SWISS

22. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
TEE SHIRTS, COSMETICS, VITAMINS, CD's,
MILK, FABULOUS BEAD BRACLETS-HA!
SO MUCH SHIT. LOVE WALMART, DONT CARE IF YOU DISAPROVE.

23. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
OF COURSE NOT, BUT SHOULD BE LEGAL FOR SAME SEX

24. Favorite movie you wouldn’t want anyone to find out about?
BIRD CAGE cracks me up every time!

25. What’s your favorite drink?
DIET COKE, WISH I COULD STOP AGAIN.

26. Who from high school would you like to run in to?
TINA TINA TINA TINA! STILL LOVE HER! (PLATONIC ONLY YOU FOOLS)

27. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
EITHER WBLS OR KISS, I SWITCH

28. Sopranos or Desperate Housewives?
SOPRANOS MISS IT BAD.

29. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
CHARLIE 7yrs of misery asswipemotherfucker RIP cocksucker

30. Do you like the person that sits directly across from you at work
FLIGHT ATTENDANTS DON'T SIT MUCH

31. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purposes?
YEP - PUTTING OUT A FIRE IN LAVORATORY A ON A 727

32. Last book you finished reading?
TORI SPELLING

33. Do you have a teddy bear?
TONS OF EM

34. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
OUTSIDE CAMP IN THE POCONOS

35. Do you go to church?
SOMETIMES- I'VE CUT BACK.

36. How old are you?
62.... YEP YEP... creak creak!

• • 
    

omg HELP what do I do???

Fuck. Im shitting... This is a wierd problem I didn't know I'd have.

Okay first let me say I swear all the time. Whatever. Many don't like it, I don't really give a shit , but I do try to tone it down when it's too inappropriate such as like IN CHURCH if I go, or around passengers, or uptight diptwits... They say you can always tell a Flight Attendant that doesn't have children because we cuss like sailors. Plus I've been around the block a few million times & not a lot shocks me.

So now here's the thing... Getting on facebook, I am finding all the grandkids & neices/nephews. It's been real neat! But we all have this *star* niece who I've watched grow up since she was born, the smartest, SWEETEST child that can do no wrong. She graduated high school this year & is going to college & is just the most popular, busy, beautiful, adorable kid! An perfect little angel!

I just found her & got on her FB. It is shooting her & all her friends conversations onto my facebook. OMG. This kid must have multiple personalities. She & her friends are all bantering back & forth with the words 'niggah' 'faggot' 'buttfucker' (well that one's funny, hah) but my point is some of these words I would NEVER say, much less write & I do take offense as I'm sure others who read my fb would, (Doris & her sister (this girl's grandmother) would DIE) & I don't know what to do.

Now I know this huge group of kids are having a wonderful time & it's none of my business how they speak to ea other & I'm not about to say to her dont use those words as she a fucking valdictorian for crise sakes so she already knows right from wrong.

So here's my question - is there anyway I can be on her fb & read it but not have HERs on mine? I don't want to subject my fb "friends" to that crap. What can I do short of just cancelling her as a fb friend?

I really don't think I'm over reacting here.

By George, I think I've Got It!

Well, here's the thing...
I've about conquered Twitter & Facebook. It's taken about 5 days - thanks to all who held my hand thruout the ordeal! ha!

I have a mac that I can take pictures on sitting here about a foot away. I figured out how to post these pics. Still don't know how to get pics from my camera into the computer. But anyway I put a bunch of pics up on fb. So if you're inclined...
my facebook handle... KMae Bee.
my twitter name KMaaee (KMae was already taken, how RUDE!)

I'm trying to learn how to just stay home, amuse myself, (Other than watching TV all day) (Which we all know my lazy ass can easily do!) & not go out to spend a lot of money I don't have. Doris is SO annoyed I've spent so much time on the computer because no one can call her. She should be grateful the bill collectors can't get thru!

Anyway, I posted 2 pics of her on fb. She's purty. grin.
She would be mad if she knew. shhhhhh.
Dont ask dont tell.
.

sleeping sickness

Yikes, I just woke up & already I need a nap.
Geese, what's up with that??

LaaaaaaZeeeee.

Phew!

Okay, it's back to normal now.

I called BCBS & dealt with insurance problems.
I went to the bank.
I payed the mortgage.
I got some lunch & watched 2 soaps.
THEN...
I mowed the lawn.
I vacumed & straightened the kitchen & livingroom.

I jumped in & out of the pool (above ground) to cool off every 15 minutes then went back to cleaning. You see, the airconditioner is broken. I can't afford to fix it. It's fucking swealtering... (okay not like Houston eb, but STILL>.)

I saw a comedian start his gig saying 'I grew up in the above-ground pool neighborhood.' Everybody cracked up, including me. I suppose it is comparable to trailer courts & lower income shanty's.

And I am grateful that I did get to live in a home where we put in an in-ground pool!

But I have never been able to make anywhere near the income my father did, he took care of us well. And let me tell you, on a day like today I am very grateful for our modest outdoor paradise with our 18' round above ground pool under 4 story high trees! It was a scorcher!

Now Doris grilled salmon & veggies! Smile!
Catch ya later.
.

Addiction!

Damn Y'all.
I gotta pull myself away from Twitter & Facebook.
Good Gosh almighty this house is a mess & Doris is so annoyed because no one can get thru on the frickin' phone line. (yeah I know - only one line AND dial up -ha! I'm archaic.)

I have to do something constructive today besides sit on my FAT ass & focus on tweets -Man, that is really COOL, & Fb. I must pick up my shit piles & vacuum.

You guys have been really patient with all my questions.
Thankx a million.


okay try to breathe kathy.

Perplexed!

I can't figure out how to get tweets on my cell.
I can't figure out how to get facebook on my cell.
I hope all y'all are happy. I've been on the stupid computer all day (not kidding) trying to figure out twitter & facebook.
Pixie I tried to tweet Regis_and_Kelly today but it didn't got thru.

It's frickin' annoying, GAWD!!!!

Deb, eb & Nickie got your messages on Facebook.
I'll keep trying.
Man do I feel old trying to keep up with all you youngsters.
.

Twitter Schmitter

Okay, I'm still TRYing to get into tweeting. (It's your fault Pixie for constantly raving you'd rather tweet than blog.) I don't know. I also tried to join facebook because of some of you - don't really like it so much. Which do y'all like better - facebook or twitter? So far I still like blogging.

My hip is feeling better, not limping as much. Perhaps I'll be able to get off the sick list & fly again in Sept. Then again....
The cortizone shots are starting to work.

Was able to connect with a dear friend from the far-away past on twitter, Nickielee! This is a blessing.

Happy Camper!

Went to the Beach again today! WOW, love it so much. But never again on a Friday, didn't think the traffic would be so bad since folks shoulda still been at work at that hour. - The ole bumper to bumper trick, NOT pleasant. I kept telling Doris to turn around & go home, we could catch the Fri showing of One life To Life in 30 min. But she persisted & it was wonderful. Since it took us 2 hrs to get there today, & even longer to find a parking spot, the beach ticket takers soon left their perches at the entrances so we took our beach chairs down to the edge of the water & enjoyed 2 more hours squishing sand between our toes in. God that feels SO FUCKING GOOD!!! I made sand vaginas. They were pretty, Doris was mortified, ha! So relaxing - the fresh air, waves crashing a couple yards away, clouds floating thru a blue sky, sand pipers hopping around looking straight into your eyes begging for food, my true love sitting next to me peering thru her binoculars at surfing bikini butts... ahhhhh, sigh... Total Joy! .

The Beach!!!

We finally went to the shore yesterday!!! God, it was fabulous. I swear, a beautiful Beach is nature's Zoloft. So are Trees & Lakes.
I love it all.

There's been a ton of rain in Jersey this summer & going on a weekend is miserable with so much traffic on the Parkway.

Doris had taken the RV in to be serviced, oil change etc the day before (which was a sweet surprise!) then came home & announced we can go to Ocean Grove tomorrow! (Which was even SWEETER!!) I was SO happy, & then there was actually sunny weather & off we went!!

Since it was Tuesday it wasn't busy or noisey, & we got a great parking spot immediately (which was shocking for sure.) I always forget how cheerful all those beach umbrellas are & how relaxed everybody gets! Folks drag their asses in slow motion trudging along the boardwalk & thru the sand with all their crap & kids. Life & problems seem to come to a screaching halt with all that time to finally reflect & be grateful.

Today was also very pleasant, went to dinner at Red Lobster & decided to go back to the shore tomorrow! Hope the weather stays nice. Yeaaaaa!

Life is good.
.

Another Rainy Day

It's raining
it's pouring
little boys are boring...

Sorry about that.
Reverted back to the 2nd grade
for a few minutes there.
Funny how some things never change!
Har Har.

Another Sunday basking in the house alone,
not going to church.
Man, I LOVE it!
It's almost 200pm now so Doris
will be coming home shortly,
guess I should tidy up the place a bit
since I've just been lounging around,
reading the Sunday paper & watching Moving Up.

I really am lazy. Guess it's true.
Oh well.

I do love just laying around. sigh.
Relaxing is good.
I should try to get more motivated, but fuck it.
When I'm not flying I just don't want to do shit.

The problem is when there is no "structure"
(such as work) in my life,
I just tend to...

hangout,\
watch tv,/
eat,\
sleep,/
& ride where Doris drives me.

Sounds good to me.

For now.

I can just see Doris rolling her pretty eyes
when she walks in & sees me lounging,
not doing anything constructive.
It's okay -

I know that after she gets home
& peels off her church duds,
She'll sit to read the Sunday paper,
And those peepers of hers will slam shut!!!
She'll pass out in a quick minute.

Especially since it's still raining.....

Not to mention it's exhausting
to be singing in church all day,
(How well I remember)
And D is the lead soprano
so my hollerin' baby
will be all tweeted out.

So shortly,there'll be even more
Peace 'in the valley'...

Oh, yeah.

.

Boring June stuff

OMG My frickin' computer hasn't been able to turn on the past week, it's the connection to the phone line & I STILL can't figure out what happened. (I'm an idiot.) So finally, I brought it downstairs & connected to another phone line & thank goodness I can get back on. Phew! I Just don't get what happened to the phone line upstairs. Sheese.

So my hip still hurts, even after a cortisone shot... Getting a bursitis shot next week, maybe that will help. I've been going to physical therapy 3Xweek for 2 months, it really hasn't helped. On top of that, yesterday they tell me I need to do a $30 co-pay for all the past sessions which goes well over $500. Ahhhh, HUHHHH??? So I cancelled half of what's scheduled for next month & guess I'll be sending $30 a month till it's payed off. crap. I HATE BLUE CROSS BLUE SHIELD.

sigh. One day at a time.

Other than that, I'm good, but broke. I can't believe June is over, damn. Summer is speeding by. I may never go back to work if my hip pain doesn't get better. And you know what? I think that'd be just fine. I am really loving being OFF. I really can't get upset about it (yet) because I've had a good 41 years up in the air & at least I can get social security to supplement my lame retirement check. At least it'd be more than what I'm getting on the sick list.

Que sera' sera' what ever the fuck will be....
God Goddess Universe says Be Patient.
.

28th Anniversary!

7/17th... That is our anniversary.
Actually so is July 4th because -
28 years ago on July 4th,
Doris & I decided
we would become a committed couple.
We said 'we will continue dating
for perhaps 2 more months
before we finally have sex!'

It was a good plan, but
we only lasted 13 more days.
(13 has always been my lucky number!)
to July 17th
(Not to mention,
I was a hot, gorgeous
little femmie femme
back then..) Hence -
July 17th is our anniversary,
we became Solid.

We've gone thru many changes
over these days, years, decades.
Those of you
who've been reading my blog
have gone thru
some of the insanity...er..ah..
I mean love & growth...
along with me.

Relationships are tricky
&
none are perfect.
Everyone always asks
how we made it
so long together.
There is only one answer.

Both parties
HAVE TO WANT
to STAY together
& get thru all the bullshit,
the screaming emotional upheavals,
the simmering pissy hurt feelings
...er..ah..
I mean learning life's lessons &
accepting each other's differences...
NO MATTER WHAT.

It will not work
if only one person
puts in 100%.
If the other partner
doesn't care enough to remain
thru the thick & thin,
the pleasure as well as the pain,
the heaven & hell,
it can not work.

Both lovers
have to put in 100% each,
you need 200% commitment...
even though at times
you are sure
you will end up committed
to the looney bin
instead
of a working relationship...

Both people
have to WANT TO STAY
to do all the hard work.

Besides,
if you decide
'fuck it' & bolt
(even tho painful,
it's the easy way out)
you will have to start
ALL OVER AGAIN
at the beginning
with someone else &
deal with all their crap
& baggage
along with your own..
which still sucks because
you haven't worked
on changing yourself & growing
OR
just accepting each other's differences
& moving on together.

Of course,
in no way
should one ever stay
in a bad or abusive
relationship
that is wrong for you.
Better to get out
of that bullshit immediately.
(Wish I had of learned THAT lesson
back in my 20's, 30's & early 40's.
But nooOOOooo.
I stayed to the bitter ends
& wasted a ton of time
& life.)

Okay all that being said
(I'm sorry for the mudane lecture -
don't know WHY I got into all that,)
we had a great anniversary!
Even tho' we are both broke from so many bills,
I got Happy Anniversary Balloons for her,
Doris got beautiful pink roses for me,
& we both got cards for each other.

Then we had a lobster & salmon dinner
at Charlie Brown's
(with her sister) that night on Fri
& yesterday on Sat we drove into the City,
had hotdogs in our RV,
people watched,
talked about when we first met
& all our years together,
then sealed it with a kiss
on the corner of Washington Square
where we had our 1st kiss
28 years ago on July 4th! ha.

Finally we called it a day & drove home,
turned on the TV, climbed back into bed
& felt SO lucky & blessed.

(Finally getting a house together
is the best thing we ever did
about 16 yrs ago.)

I am very happy!
Life is so good.

I say it every time...
Be it ever so humble,
& believe me Ours is modest-
there is just NO place like home!!!

And did I happen to mention
that Doris is STILL
so amazingly DAMN gorgeous
even now till this day???
She is just scrumptious!

I am so lucky.
Really REALLY lucky!

And, of course
so is she.

*grin*
.

Found my College Roomate!

I went to college back in the 60's. My roomate for the first 2 years was my best friend since the 6th grade, Tina whom I still love & adore to this day. Then she dropped out & got a job, then married.

So my Jr year I became a floor counselor for a freshman dorm & had no idea whom I would end up rooming with except it would be her 1st year. I had gotten there early & set up my side of the room & waited on pins & needles.

In walks Lydia. We looked at each other & both thought Oh No. We were about as different as night & day. I was a dumbass beauty queen with bleach blonde hair majoring in Drama & Speech & she was a no-nonsense really SMART, serious au natural girl studying to be a Nurse. She thought 'Oh God, I can Not do this with Her as my roomate.' I thought 'Well this isn't gona be any fun.'

We started chatting as she set up her side of the room, & ended up talking about our life stories all night long. By the time we finally passed out we had become friends.

The next day the dorm mother called me in & said she was moving me up to a different floor. They needed me there & so I said fine, but I'd like to ask my new roomate to join me if she wishes because I did not want to hurt her feelings & have her think I didn't want her. Plus I really LIKED her now.

So I went in to our old room & told Lydia what was happening, & she didn't have to, but would she like to join me? She didn't think twice & said definately! We immediately started gathering all our shit together & moved right on up to our new room! We became super roomies after that.

She was so wonderful & lots of fun. As different as we were, we always had tales to tell each other when we were back in our beds at night. We laughed all the time! She always listened to my problems & was a great sounding board. She was very studious & I was always partying. I so admired her brain & wished I was smart like her. In the end we had a wonderful friendship & loved each other.

It was sad when the school year came to an end and we each went our separate ways. I moved to LA, then on to NYC to fly. She eventually married her handsome boyfriend who'd been writing her thru college, they went into the Air Force & raised 4 beautiful children.
They now live back in Texas & I'm in New Jersey. I've wondered what happened to her for decades, but could never find her on the internet.

I was SO THRILLED to finally find her brother online, & he put me in contact with HER! OMG I could NOT BELIEVE I FOUND HER!!! We talked on the phone for an hour & a half & have started writing email & sending pictures. I can not tell you how happy this makes me!

I finally found my Lydie!!!

bla bla bla

Here it is Sunday again! Thought D was gona stay home today because none of her choirs are singing, but no. Even tho she had mentioned that she didn't have to go to church, her sister called & off they went. sigh. I got really mad. But then got over it.
After all, I forgot I like Suns alone now.

My hip is still in pain when I walk or climb steps. I'm good when I come home from physical therapy but within 30 min the pain strikes again. Guess the icing wears off. I'm worried my company will try to fire me, I've been on sick leave since May.

I do however have plenty of sick time (probably 600hrs left now) as I don't abuse it. But you can't make much money when you don't fly, as there are no expenses or over time. I Always worked so much overtime to try to cover bills (probably why my hip's so screwed up!) But definitely I can't go back until (if) I get better. I have hope. I just hope they don't try to fire me.

It's fucking aggravating that I even have to worry about that type of bullshit after 41 motherfucking years of blood sweat & tears for this dumbass company. Managment are harrassing buttbrains. They suck. Please. Any horrid experience you've ever had flying on any airline, I can give you worse stories about working for the fuckers.

That being said, I still dig the job & am grateful my company has lasted this long, & that I've been able to keep my seniority. So many Flight Attendant's airlines bit the dust & they had to start all over again at the bottom of the heap. I don't know HOW they do it.

Changing the subject, the weather has been beautiful! Since it still rains so much at night it's been cool enough to not need airconditioning. So great. Since ours is b r o k e n.

Gotta go downstairs, get a bite & take vitamins. Have I mentioned how much I love Zoloft since I started it in May?!!!

Sunday Mornings

Sunday morns have become such a favorite for me!
Since Doris retired 3 yrs ago she is home everyday.
She has the most gorgeous singing voice & faithfully sings in the choir every Sun. I did it with her for about 2 decades.

But it exhausted me as Black churches have l-o-n-g services, sometimes with breaks for lunch & a late afternoon service afterward. It always annoyed me we couldn't just go home & enjoy the rest of the Sunday together. Heck it annoys me we can't just spend the day in bed together with the Sunday papers & TV, but anyway...

I am a spiritual person, but sitting in a church building for the whole, damn motherfucking day really started pissing me off & did nothing to calm my furtive soul & bring me closer to "the Lord."

Not to mention, the fabulous American Black Gospel music is what I craved -so much better than the generic sound of white church hymns, even tho' many are the same from the same book!

Also the old spirituals are So mournful but beautiful. Then the choir director got it up his butt to only sing positive &/or new Christian songs, no more depressing or sad spirituals, just happy happy happy music. Well, I about started to loose it.

Jeese, that is not what I signed up for, Some of us LIKE the depressing songs showing how God brings us thru it all. If you are a depressed person all that hippity happity can really make you feel worse.

And as nice as the pastor is, his sermons are mediocre & the longer it goes, the louder he starts to scream & holler. Damn. Screw that shit.

So a year or so ago I just quit going to choir practice & also stopped church Every week. phew. What relief I felt since I worked so hard & so much, I hardly had any day off for myself. Church had become a job.

NOW, as soon as Miss Singing Johnson leaves, I charge back up to bed & revel in my solitude. I turn on "Moving Up" a tv show I happen to love, break out all the delivered Sunday papers & read the circulars, & pull out ye ole laptop & start catching up on blogs!

Then if she goes out to eat with her brother & sisters (who also have awesome voices & sing in the choir) I have time to either fall back to sleep for a lazy afternoon nap, or zoom to the the health club for the whirlpool, swimming, steamroom & wash my hair.

Either/or - it's all good. Just hanging here in bed alone is exciting because I don't feel guilty like I do after Doris awakens & rushes off to do chores or errands, etc. (She has SO much more energy than I.)

Oh, btw -yesterday, the 4th of July was so great!
Had the most delicious BBQ party at Doris' neice's big home with many family members. Delicious, yummy food!!!! FABULOUS!!!

Then Doris always wants to go to the NYC fireworks, but I hate it because I can't stand being in the middle of all the hundreds of screaming, stinky, sweaty drunks. GOD.

Well we started out late after the party, so we were caught up on the NJ turnpike enroute to the Lincoln Tunnel when all the fireworks started.

So we (& everyone else up there) pulled over to the side of a mile long bridge & just stopped for 30 minutes to watch it all with NYC as a backdrop! It was perfect, it was fabulous!!!! And we didn't even have to go into the City!!! OMG, so wonderful.

We we back home & in bed by the 1100 o'clock news!

Aaaahhhh. No place like home!
Life is so good.
.