Saturday, April 25, 2009


So - one week down, one to go. Ratshit.
Damn, that week went fast. And seeing that I'm rarely one for looking positively at the glass half full, I am suddenly plummeting into a downward spiral (oh gawd, not one of those again,) & feeling so pissed & depressed that my (puny, little half-ass)"vacation" (cut from 4 weeks to 2 since 9/11 when they took half of everything away from us to try to fight bankruptcy 6 yrs ago) (ahh but management STILL gets all their fucking bonuses & PS we never DID go bankrupt but they haven't restored our concessions) is now already HALF over... FUCK me.
So mother fucking annoying.

Pardon the rant.

Now where was I?

I've mainly just laid around, which IS my favorite M.O. on days off - and therefore haven't accomplished much. Geese, I'm such a slug. And a lazy one at that. 3 things though...

Had a great Saturday last week when we went to the Englishtown flea market & bought a shitload of Red perfume (our fave) (well- we got 2 big ones!) & toffee covered pecans (that's peh 'KAWHNS for you eb readers!). The weather was warm & beautiful & we took the RV. Such a great day, just the 2 of us!

Last Thurs my 2 ex-flying partners who retired 2 years ago (we had worked together for over 3 decades & I was simply morose I couldn't afford to retire with them when we all turned 60) & Doris & I met for lunch at Manatus in the City & had a wonderful time! They can't believe I am still flying 2 yrs later (ME NEITHER!) & we hadn't seen each other in all this time.

Damn they looked great! So much BETTER without all the stress of the job. And me, I still looked dowdy as shit, & beaten down like a fuckin' junkyard dawg y'all. Plus, I am still hobbling along with my right-ass hip pain & knee pain, it is not getting any better, & THEY are just floating lithefully & giddily along without a care in the world now since they escaped from the MAN.

I think to myself - I have a perfectly great job & I count my blessings that I am not among the thousands who have been laid off & lost their livelyhood due to this wretched economy. I still enjoy the majority of my passengers & fellow Flight Attendants. And I will not have any chance in hell to make even close to the same salary to supplement trying to survive on the 'fixed income' of a pension. What - am I NUTS thinking I need to retire soon?

Tonight I finally called a Flight Attendant retirement specialist & agreed to pay her $100 to help me figure all this out. (She charges $50/hr.) Then I broke down & bawled like a dumb-ass baby after I hung up. Doris tried to console me & said it'll all be okay, just pray on it. That's her answer for everything. It is scary & overwhelming to think of ending such a long career when I have nothing saved, my 401K has been turned into a 101K & my health just ain't what it used to be. sigh.

And one more thing... did anyone happen to see the fabulous Drew Barrymore & Jessica Lang in the HBO production of 'Grey Gardens"?
Oh. My. God! So horrifying & compelling at the same time. Not to mention it is my worst nightmare in life to turn into that. seriously. I feel I could easily eventually become either one of those Edie's... loosing everything, all money & support as you delve into poverty with your house in delapidated shambles & turning into a pigstye with tons of cats hanging around, crawling all thru their stinking excretment inside & out... It already IS easy for me to live like a slob - I never have been a neatnick & am definitely NOT the tidiest person- much to Doris' chagrin. Housework has never been a forte' of mine.

So tonight I plunged into the black hole that is my 'closet room' & straightened up the gigantic disarray! Took all night. But I did it. I could do more, but it definitely appears more orderly & organized (at least for me.) Anyway it's a start.
But I really wouldn't mind living with a ton of kitties roaming around in & out. I could SO easily become a crazy old Cat Lady - truly! Good thing Doris would never stand for it.

Okay, that's it. phew.
Sorry I am so boring.
It's just that I've come to the point where if I don't write my bullshit down, I fear I won't remember the process.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Can't Keep Up with the Youngens'

Hey I've got 2 weeks of vacation! Yea!
No, I'm not going anywhere. No money.
But Lordie, I need the rest because I'd picked up 2 extra trips the 1st week to pad my vacation month & put me into overtime. Then I had 2 other trips the 2nd week which were SHIT.

Normally I try to fly LA & back - one leg over, one leg back the next day.
Easy peezie lemon squeezie. Especially if I like whom I'm working with! And since I'm SO senior I can always hold this coveted trip out of Newark.

But since it was vacation month, I bid a selection where I had the 1st week off (to pick up extra time as I said) & then fly 2 Orlando trips the 2nd week which went like this:
ewr-mia (change gates 2 miles over)
mia-mco (Orlando) layover.
next day
mco-stl (St Louis)
change gates 2 miles over & sit for the next plane to land


The 1st day was 2 legs, -bad enough.
But the 2nd day was 3 long legs PLUS all the tromping thru the terminals to the D concourse to sit for the next flight.
I swear to God, I could BARELY keep up (charging thru the fucking airport to change planes) with the (much) younger Flight Attendants... Something has happened to my right butt-hip & it has a stitch in it, I can no longer walk fast. Maybe it's arthritis or maybe I cracked the fucker. Plus my feet were throbbing. I could seriously barely make it. The other FA's said welcome to the real world Kathy, we have to fly this up/down up/down crap all the time. God, I felt so old.

So Easter Sunday I was in church (1st time all year, Doris really wanted me to go) & I prayed to God, please give me a sign when It's time for me to retire. I got the immediate reply - what do I have to do, drop you on the floor? You already can't walk!

So now I am starting to actually consider retirement, but fear I can't afford it. I am going to start going to all the dr appointments & get all that done be fore retirement in case something bad needs to be operated on. I've done the dentist. Next week the internist. May the gyno. I have to schedule a mamo, lung xray & colonoscopy. ick. Guess I should have my feet looked at, too.

It is scary to think of actually retiring even tho I would LOVE to. It's been my life for over 40 years. sheesh. freaky huh? Having no money (dont get much for retirement.) I'll be 62 the end of May so perhaps I can get early ss, but heard we have to wait till 63 now. I have to check all this out. sigh. I feel exhausted just trying to think of all this.

Think I'll take a nap. yawn.

PS, a trainer at the gym seems to think that I pulled a muscle in my butt & gave me an exercise to work it out. He said it's like those muscle spasms I get in my neck/shoulder... and that if a rubber band has a knot in it you can't stretch it out until you get rid of the knot. Okay. That makes sense.

Phew! Beats a cracked hip.


Tuesday, April 07, 2009


I am still sickly. What the hell?? I have to try not to let this develop into the flu. Yesterday on the plane it occured to me that this could be allergies? So today after waking up all snottilish I took an Allegra D that the doc gave me for allergies last year. I Never had allergies before last year so I don't know how to recognize if it is a cold or what. Anybody out there know?

Also, the sump pump stopped working & there was a flood int the basement. Over an inch worth that soaked into the carpet. Crap. So now we have it working if we go down & shake the hose, but it doesn't work by itself so that is a lot of running down the steps.

At least shaking the hose makes it work. guess it's time to buy a new pump. Wish we had more money. fuck.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Frickin' Weight Gain

I'm down 1.2 lbs at ww this evening. Can't believe it, must be because I'm not well. (Still coughing after returning home yesterday, & slept all day today, gotta fly back out tomorrow, got cough syrup & mucinex.)

Saw Starr Jones on Oprah today speaking about her lap band/weight loss journey & she said she still dreams about double whoppers with cheese. I just started crying hearing that. Dumb I know, but it's just such a fucking struggle trying to manage maintence (as evident that I regained back weigh twice in 3 yrs.)

When I bend over I feel that beach ball in my stomach & my uniform pants are once again too tight in the waist. Shit. One of my group pointed out that I'm only 12 lbs over my goal & I could get it back down if I really focus.

Guess it could be worse. I gotta get more positive & stop feeling sorry for myself. I am afterall still somewhat healthy. It would be easier to STAY healthy with out extra flubber & poundage. I know my Knees & feet would appreciate it.

Appologies for the boring entry.