Sunday, December 30, 2007

New Years Resolutions pt one

New Year's Resolutions...
Part one..
at least.

Clearly this time last year, I was skinny & cute after loosing over 50 lbs.  Now, gaining back 35 lbs I am a failure in maintaining that weight loss.  Well, that is how it feels, & DEFINITELY how it LOOKs.  I look fat.   again.  Damnittohell

The thing is I wanted to become beautiful & fabulous again more than anything.  And I did!  Beauty & Fabulosity were always my claim to fame.  Not much in the scheme of life accomplishments.  But damn, I looked good & therefore felt good! 

And when I had accomplished getting back to being (dare I say it) gorgeous again it felt excellent!  However something was missing.  I think depression still hung over me...  But I'm guessing that may always be in my life. There was still an emptiness there, you know- deep in the pit. 

Being beautiful again, looking 20yrs younger did not bring as much happiness as I had expected.  Plus I missed eating crap & stuffing my gutt - trying to fill up that emptiness I guess.  Gorging delicious food makes me happier than starving & being skinny & perfect.  At the moment, anyway.  Afterwards, of course, comes the guilt & disappointment of failing to maintain weight watcher goals. 

So, this year I'm going to go for more happiness.  I shall become healthier in weightloss endeavors & try not to surrender to sadness so much.  Guess I shall always need to strive to be more positive, I tried that this past year but only seemed to crack the shell of disgruntledness.

And I shall seek more Spirituality.  Just going to church isn't working.  Doris went today & I stayed home.  I was much more Spiritual when I lived in the City.  Meditation, 12 step meetings, a great shrink, massage, chiropractor, acupuncture, Spiritual books as well as church & gospel music had me on a roll.  I think I'll get back to meditation first.

And I definitely will have to clean up my debts.  Not wanting to take money out of  my money market to do so, but got to get that monkey off my back.

And I shall ALWAYS need to be neater & more organized.

This is the first rough draft of my Resolutions for 2008.  I'm sure I shall be able to add on more.  I have 2 days before New Years Eve.  Why is life still so hard?

Saturday, December 29, 2007

The Best Movie!

Went to Curves the past 2 days & WW yesterday.  I am officially back to 175 lbs. 
Whatareyagonadoooo??  Holiday food is too tempting. 

After carefully avoiding cakes & cookies all month I finally got weak & gobbled down both for the past 2 nights.  I felt like crap in the mornings.  I tell ya, SUGAR is poison.  It Really makes me feel like shit.  If you pay attention to your body I'm sure it does the same to you.

Went to 2 movies this evening,
one was EXCELLENT: The Great Debaters!
One was mediocre:  National Treasure.

The Great Debaters was SO Great that everyone should see it.  It was set in the beautiful piney woods of East Texas & Louisiana.  God, it was spectacular scenery!  Just exquisite!  And the acting was so Good. 

It was mainly about racism & prejudice in 1938, & how young black Americans pulled themselves thru that type of violence with a debate team that competed across the country. 

It really got to me because I grew up in Dallas & Richardson Texas, but chose to go to College (Stephen F. Austin) in Nacogdoches, a small East Texas town.  So I knew all the southern beauty & locations in the midst of the ugly truth of hatred against anything non-wasp.

I'm sure it is still that way today if that truth really be told.  No doubt in my mind.  There are still just too many 'good ole boys' & their repressed wifeys all over America, let alone in Marshal Texas where this story specifically took place.  It is a true story set in an all-black (at the time) Wiley College...  And  Nacogdoches was just down the road 'a piece' from Marshall. 

It was so bitter-sweet as I have big memories, growing up there in my freshman, sophomore, junior year of College- till I got in trouble for dancing a with a black student at a school dance & was basically told to leave...( can we say 'kicked OUT?')  It was 1968. I always say 'they shoulda been glad it was a boy!' 

That whole mentality makes my heart ache.  Unfortunately it is alive & well everywhere, not just East Texas - but fageddaboudit... it is blatant there.  still.  Just not so obvious, now that it is supposedly against the law.

This was a beautifully done movie, extremely moving & you might not cry as hard as I did since you didn't grow up there, but the story was poignant beyond belief.  Do yourself a favor & go see The Great Debaters.  Oprah sure outdid herself on this one!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Merry Christmas

Christmas Eve was almost magical!  The Daughter & Granddaughter did not come by at 100 pm to stay, as promised & decided not to show up until Christmas day at the big family party out in Burlington!  (I had cleaned like a frickin' nut - but Yea!!  We had Xmas Eve alone!)  YES!!!!

So after going to the Christmas Eve watch at church where Doris sang Ave Maria as I accompanied her on the piano (with Bach's Prelude in Well-tempered Clavichord) (didn't make even one mistake for a change!) (ALMOST enjoyed it & smiled a bit...)  we set out for Manhattan after midnight to see the fabulous Christmas lights, the exquisite Tree at Rockefeller Center, & the outrageous Christmas windows at Bergdorf's, SAKS, & Lord& Taylor.  Then of course, we went for the hot dogs around 0200am at Papayas on 6th Ave & 8th St in the VilLAge!
Excellent!  We seem to making this a yearly tradition. 

The next morning, Doris got up & picked up the AWMF at the greyhound bus terminal, & then his sons & brought them home. They had a few hours to visit before we were speeding  down the turnpike to the generous Niece's sprawling home where the aroma from Sis's incomparable cooking lifted us up the minute we hit the front door!  Oh GOD, her food was SO delicious beyond imagination & yes, I went back for 2 more plates of dressing & gravy!

And for the first time all Doris' Children AND Grandchildren showed up along with all the Cousins & Uncles & Aunts!  It truly was wonderful!  Doris was thrilled & in Seventh Heaven with everyone major in her life there.  It was so much fun to watch them all enjoying each other!  It was GREAT & showed me why it was good that she brought the bad son there- for everyone else to love.

This morning the kids enjoyed their father so much, we could hear them laughing & joking in the kitchen while making breakfast.  They were relaxing, watching TV & just being together for the 1st time all year (since last Xmas.)

The oldest grandson had to go to the airport to meet a young girl- friend coming in to visit from London.  Doris & I were getting it together to go meet her & when we went downstairs to leave they were all standing there with their coats & hats on...  I was like, "where is the girl going to sit with everyone in the car?"  Oh well- AWMF had  called his friend  to come pick him up & drive him to the Poconos, so we could just "drop him off at the diner across from his kid's grandfather before we go to the airport."

What an ASS.  He couldn't get thru another night with his adorable sons (19 & 15) & Mother that he only sees ONCE a year before he made his great escape?  He does this EVERY damn year. 

Doris & her grandsons are so used to this behavior that they just sighed away their disappointment & away we went to drop the little darling off as he kissed his mom & sons saying "see ya in a minute!"  Oh just gag me with an elbow.  I,  am SO pissed at the ASSWIPEMOTHERFUCKER for once again hurting Doris & his boys. 

Of course Doris does NOT want me to voice my opinion on the subject as everything has gone well up until now.  But what a fucking schmuck, honest to my JESUS.  If this pompous bastard dropped dead tomorrow I would never miss the selfish cocksucker, nor would I shed any tears.  Well maybe a few just for those left who love him in spite of who & what he is.

So onward to the airport where we waited & waited for this girl's delayed flight from England on British Airways.  I kept trying to take my focus off how the AWMF's behavior was so heinous & enjoy the grand kid's excitement in waiting for their foreign friend.  And it really was SO adorable!  The oldest was SO nervous, he didn't know what to do or say.  He had no plan A, B or C !!

These kids are all so sweet & innocent still.  It's kinda a beautiful thing.  So precious how the oldest lit up when he saw the girl walking down from customs & how she just glowed when she finally saw him after 12 hrs of travel.  They giggled & hugged, I swear it was So damn sweet!!  And did I mention the young lady is absolutely adorable AND beautiful?!  We took her to her hotel & then we all went to Burger King (their choice) before dropping the 3 of them back at the hotel. 

I was a bit worried about leaving them alone there, but they all met at a Salvation Army camp where they worked together & they are all really good, nice kids.  I did later call their mother & inform her that's where they are.  'Kill joy', maybe...  But I would want to know if I were the mother & she seemed cool about it since the younger brother is there with them. 

So, that was Christmas 2007.  Wonderful beyond my expectations!  Screw the dumbbutt looser son, there's nothing I can do about it & everyone was so happy he was there.  Clearly his charm escapes me.  He says he is coming back to help Doris with the plumbing for both sinks (which is desperately needed) in a few days ("in a minute.")  Sure.  Whatever.  We'll see. 

Hope y'all had as great a holiday as I did.  And well, there's always one relative that is so much MORE dysfunctional than others, no?  I just don't know WHAT the damn lesson is that I am supposed tobe learning here from him.  If anyone can see beyond the BS could you please help me figure it out?  Am I just to ignore the mooch, live & let live?  What? 

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Oh yeah, I knew it

D's youngest son (in his fourties) called today & Doris told him she'd send him a bus ticket to come for Xmas.

Oh joy.
Oh rapture.

She's an idiot.  She hasn't paid the gas/electric bill (up to $500.00) yet.  And we owe for garbage pick up too.  Among other things.  This is SO pathetic.  Seriously sad.  I feel bad for her, except that I'm pissed.  He is such a turd.  So I gotta get over it.  He is sickening. 

Sang with Doris' choir at the Christmas service today.  Then went & circled the Greyhound Bus station a bunch of times in the teaming rain while she BOUGHT her grown son a ticket.  I hesitate in writing his real name down here.  Guess I shall just refer to him as ASSWIPEMOTHERFUCKER.

Then went to a Christmas Birthday party at the church parsonage.  Ya know, it was not bad, & the food was great!!!
Party party party party.  When will it all end!?

Saturday, December 22, 2007

So Here We Go

OoooKaaaayyy, here we go...
     Doris' daughter & granddaughter said they are coming to stay on mon AFTERNOON.  Then heard Doris telling a grandson she would come get him  Xmas day.  I know we are also getting 2 other grandsons that day.  Did I ever mention her new car is SMALL?  And our house is miniscule?  Whatever.  I am going to just sit back & watch Doris arrange all this insanity & try not to panic.  Oh, God.
She's still trying to get ahold  of her younger (44) son.  Can't stand him.  I hope we never hear from him again. 
Yeah, right.  Like I'd be that lucky.  Maybe he can sleep outside if he comes.  Or better still maybe he'll just stay in Detroit where he dwells off of some stupid woman.  punk.  This is the only place I can vent - Doris loves him dearly.  Of course I can't say this to her.

Went to choir practice this afternoon then out to eat at Charlie Browns.  I stuffed my gutt.  It was stupid.  Shit.

I just want to go to SLEEP thru the next 3 days.  One good note, I just found out who I am flying with next month & I love them all!  Thankyou Jesus!

Im gona really have to clean this damn house.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Geese, It's Friday Already!

I am in total denial that Xmas is almost here.  Crap.  I hate not having any money to buy presents or make my yearly photo albums for one & all.  I hate being in debt.  I am very lucky to have Doris, though.  We climbed in bed with a Burger King picnic, watching Wives Murder Club after a full day at the movies again.  We just looked at each other & sighed how lucky we are!  We have each other, our little home, heat, electricity & cable!  Merry Christmas to us!  We don't need no stinkin' presents, ha!  We already got it all.  Of course, a million dollars would be great.  But hey! 

The movies today were so-so.  Saw Charlie Wilson's War.  The cast was great, the political matter such a bore.  Doris kept falling asleep.  Then saw Dewey Cox.  Well, why didn't someone mention it was some sort of silly take-off joke of The Johnny Cash story.  It was lame, but I did laugh a few times.  Whatever, it was just great to be alone with Doris in the dark, chomping on popcorn & sucking up diet coke.

I am getting so many beautiful xmas cards from everybody!!!  I miss sending those out, both the picture cards & the yearly letters. I love all that.  But- gotta conserve the cash.  After all, I gotta have enough to do movies!

Wow, 3 days went by fast

My gosh, thurs is already over.  Saw 2 movies today, I am Legend with Will Smith & The Perfect Holiday with Queen Latifa which was Cute!  We had seen them filming this in Newark at a mall 2 summers ago. 

Yesterday went to a Century 21 Party put on by my real estate agency broker.  Haven't sold for 2 yrs now, but Doris loves to go to his parties.  Actually she likes any party.

Sat next to the young woman whom I had last sold her house, then found her a new house.  She was SO cute & smart & decided to try being a realtor herself!  Guess the experience didn't bother her half as much as it bothered me (got shingles dealing with the buyer's agent who was from my very own office & the folks buying my client's home had so many problems she wouldn't discuss with me, the closing date had to keep being moved back & it affected her closing on the new house & THOSE sellers trying to close on their next home over in Florida, & THEIR agent kept calling me to see what the fucking hold up was & they were going to loose their bid for not closing, plus I was flying 106 hrs that month...)  Well anyway, afterward I said  screw that shit, I ain't doin' it no more.  Maybe after I retire.  Can't juggle both jobs.  And the shingles sucked.  For real. 

Well anyway it was wonderful to see that kid wants to sell houses now & she was so happy to see myself & Doris.  Felt great.  And she's so excited about it, I remember when I felt the same.  Man was it ever a rude awakening for ME, I just wasn't as good as I wanted to be.  And I seriously dislike most real estate agents.  Can't frickin' stand the bitches.  You know when you'd rather fly than sell houses, something is WRONG.  At least Flight Attendants are NICE.  usually. 

I fell down the last 2 steps last night going downstairs to the kitchen.  Thought I was on the last step, but nooo...  CRASH! bang, yeowwww!  Thank God, Goddess Universe I didn't break my ankle/foot/leg, I just seem to be sprained & sore.  Soaked in the tub.  Needed a bath anyway.  What the hell.  I am SO LUCKY & GRATEFUL for sure & have been thanking God all day.  ThankYou, thankYou, thankYou GOD!  This is the best Christmas present ever, THANKYOU!  At 60yrs old I worry about havingbrittle bones.  (Maybe all that damn ice cream I gulped down the whole summer gave me extra calcium.  ha!)

Monday, December 17, 2007

Vacation, Yea!!!

Yikes, I just finished flying 8 out of 10 days to get some overtime to add to my measley vacation pay & now I am off till the end of the month!  Of course, vacation in Dec is never a real vacation because of all the holiday (family) angst, however I can't imagine working a full month during Christmas/New Years. 

So far we went to one party which was fun because it was mainly GAY !!!!!  With NO KIDS!!  What a treat!  But since I had flown in from lax that night we went home by 0100 am.  Doris actually wanted to stay longer.  I am always the one who wants to go home first no matter where we go.  Just ain't no place like it.  Esp when I'm gone so often.

Then next day we both took a 3 (THREE) hour nap!!  Yep yep, I am one exciting woman.

After that, the snow/ice storm started on into this morning.  So we stayed in today (yep played hooky from church!)  I shoveled half the driveway, that was some heavy, wet snow, thank God it wasn't that deep!  Took a hot bath, got back into bed & took another 3 hr nap!  Dang, I am tired.  Doris cooked a fabulous Sunday dinner & I ate everything!  (big surprise.)  Then a night of TV in bed !  I am happy.  Ahhh, contentment.