Sunday, August 28, 2005

Back To Work

     Well, back on a 757 after 4 months out on the sick list.  Thought I would croak.  God I was tired, my legs were throbbing & my dogs were barkin'.  Seriously, my feet were in such pain.  This job has fucked with my body in so many ways, the 1st of which were MY FEET as far back as '68.  Sheesh.            

     I felt so fat with my huge weight gain (up to 193lbs), I could barely button my blouses not to mention zip up my trousers.  I look like fucking Humpty-Dumpty in polyester/wool navy blue.  It's so embarrassing.  I felt ashamed. 

     I couldnt sleep in my hotel bed, tossed & turned all night, got up & down trying to deal with the air conditioner that sounded like a mack truck charging thru, not to mention the frickin' ice machine was directly across the hall. Of course, everything that bothered me kept circling thru my mind. Esp that fucking, stupid doctor, guilt at getting mad at a passenger, Doris, her kids & grandkids,  having to work at all let alone with a 50% paycut, AAL management... it didnt stop.  

     Maybe got 3 hrs shut-eye. Felt angry, trapped & helpless.  Wanted to call Doris, but didnt - seeing that she happened to mention she was "going to just walk away from all this some day" a week ago. Missed her & missed home.  Thank GOD Pam & Marilyn (Parilyn) were in the back so I could go lament with them.  I'll be flying with them next month, too.  It's the only thing that is making this come-back bearable. 

     I was exhausted by the time I got back the next night. But what do you know, Doris missed me, too!!!  She was so glad to see me.  She loves me.  So why do I have to leave for her to remember this?  At least I could fall asleep in my own bed, our bed.  I was pooped.

     Today she drove me to Bellmar Beach!  It was beautiful!  There's something about the Ocean that is SO relaxing.  Doris wanted us to have a day with just she & I together!  She kept telling me she loves me.  I felt so happy.  It was such a nice day. 

     We walked the boardwalk (what gay beach?  there were very few gays,) had lunch at Mangos outside under a canopy watching the waves, sat on a boardwalk bench gazing upon that gorgeous, lazy summer beach panorama & 4 hours later sat in the car to escape the sun & heat, altho the breeze was cool & sweet. 

     We had a parking spot facing the beach at the board walk so we could people watch right from the front seat - as well as gaze on the blue horizon, the fluffy clouds, the kites, the propellar planes with messages trailing behind & the adventurers flying under a huge balloon, being pulled by a motorboat.  Small whitecaps rode the choppy waves. Wild reeds & plants swayed in the wind amongst the sand dunes with the nautral flowers & pussywillows. Seagulls called & sang to each other as they dove & soared in that fresh ocean air. 

     I was SO relaxed, so calm, so at peace. I put the seat back & fell asleep, an afternoon nap like a kitten in the sun next to my poochie.  Awoke with Doris still taking in the scene & we watched nearly naked people packing up their gear & schlepping back to their beach houses or cars.  Left when the sun was starting to set & stopped off at the Macaroni Grill for delicious grub on the way back.  A most wonderful day.  Perfect.  She really tried to show me she cares.  I love her so much.

     Of course there was the minor detail of finding out that Davion asked her to help pay his new car insurance.  She SAID she explained she couldnt, but she'd help him find out how much it will cost.  Id like to believe her.  We cant even afford our own car insurance, let alone start paying her 17yr old grandson's. I feel resentment that he is starting to ask her for so much. (Like his father always calling her asking for money until I told him to stop.)  I shall try not to panic over this, I felt grateful she had the presence of mind to actually say no... If in fact she did.  Let me Not dwell on it now, I want to bask in the memory of this beautiful day.  Going to the beach is like a mini-vacation!

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Clearing Medical

Well, I finally cleared medical today!  It took forever & I had to resend the fax from my Doctor.      Call-a-Nurse NEVER answers their phone so you always have to leave recorded messages.  Which is a pain in the ass because they are the ones who clear us. 

But anyway, my Doctor has turned out to be a real priss-ass prig.  In fact I am beginning to wonder if she is trying to sabotage me. 

Yesterday she informed me she would not put in for a family leave for me because she didnt think the Shingles or the Post Herpetic Neuralgia would come back.  What, are you kidding me???  I was in shock. 

The family Leave program is where you can call crew schedule if you come down with your illness before or during a flight & they will take you off your trip.  Without it you will only accrew sick instances & after 3 of those you can get fired.  I now have 2 instances because these shingles took me out for almost 4 months.  After only a week it counts for 2 instances.  If I have to call in sick again during the calendar year from when I clear (which is today), they can try to fire me. 

Then today when I went to her office to get the report so I could refax it, I saw where she wrote that I was OVERWEIGHT (among other things.)  Now while this is definately true (she could have written Ive become a fat cow & it wouldnt have been wrong,) it has nothing to do with me returning to work from a sick leave.  Not only that, this is to AAL medical... now wouldnt you think that an airline would jump on this with it's strict weight rules (even tho' the rules are better than they used to be.) 

This is a professional that I trusted & she has just sold me out.  Or so Im feeling.  Im sad & dissappointed.  Im thinking it could be because she was Doris' Doctor first, then Doris' insurance changed & wouldnt pay for a few visits, so Doris left still owing money to Dr. Jennifer May-Ortiz.  Could she be taking this out on me?  Doris did eventually pay her bills here.  I just dont get it.

I need to find another Dr.  It's so wrong when you trust & depend on another woman, want to give a woman your business, then they stab you in the back. Like, what the HELL?  She is so young & so new, she does not have enough experience.  Im an idiot for choosing to go to her. But back then she had been always concerned & so good with Doris, so I admired & appreciated that. 

I feel discouraged. But even more, I Am pissed.  How dare she tell me the Shingles wont come back when it has for so many people, a couple of which I know personally.  Yet she fears that if she writes out a FMLA request she could be fined for lying since she doesnt believe ( since i havent had pain for 2 big weeks now) that this virus/disease wont come back. I am disgusted. 

I just hope Im not fucked with my company over this if I DO have to call in sick again.  Which of course is futile because we ALL get fucked by AAL when we call in sick.  Which is why SO MANY of us fly when deathly ill, & therefore make all our fellow flight attendants around us sick too. 

I dont understand how she turned into such a damn bitch.  Clearly it's hard to find a GOOD doctor. 

Sorry for this boring blog entry.  It is just what's on my mind.  

Monday, August 15, 2005

What A Difference A Day Makes

Two weeks ago Im writing about finally finding the Love of my life.  Yesterday she was telling me "someday she was just going to walk away from all this."  Today she acted like everything was fine.  Tonight she cuddled up to me & sadly asked, "are you a nice lady or a mean lady?"

Well, I guess the answer is both.  I love Her more than anything.  I dont love her family, but they are a package deal.  She's not going to change at the age of 69 & suddenly start making sense in areas she never could cope with, particularly when she cant bare facing her own weaknesses. 

As for me, I do need to become more positive.  I used to be moreso, dont really know what happened, facing behaviors of Doris & her children became too much after a long while.  Heart breaking to watch thru the years.  But since I flew away each week, I would always come back eagerly, just to be with her.  It was constantly great when it was just she & I, but obviously there were times her children (or grandchildren) brought the bliss down to reality. 

Doris retired & this summer Ive been home for 3 months.  We've never been together each day for so long.  It's been both Heaven & Hell.  One minute we're madly in love, the next we are on each other's nerves & yelling about it.  On top of not feeling all that well, it's been a real test to deal with such a change in my life, if not in our life together.  I was not happy, clearly neither is she.

So the struggle continues at this point, trying to find our new path, facing the way each other really is when not escaping thru our jobs.  One thing I do know; life is short & what a waste to just fuck it up by pissing & moaning about what we dislike regarding one another. 

So I shall TRY to stop being so damn negative, although I suppose it has become yet another of my addictions.  I really doubt it's even possible, ah but there I go again being negative.  One thing for sure however, I dont feel I shall be able to write well just being a 'happy-ass' day in & day out.  My emoting forte has never been happy-go-lucky.  But alas, somehow I dont think I really have much to worry about there.

So tonight I shall take a deep, long breath & sigh again.  I guess it's not over after all.  Not yet, anyway.  Not today.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

trouble in paradise

sometimes it seems 

impossible not to be negative.

so much that annoys me,

a lot i dont like.

kids.

change.

everything else.

it all sucks.

and makes me not nice.

and boring.

and tedious.

what to do

to get out of myself?

leave.

before she does.

fucking bitch.

be nice to everyone but me.

which i guess is better than me

not being nice to anyone.

you all stink.

why should i bother.

that's what i think,

i dont even want

to attempt trying

any longer.

"i swear,

one day i'm just

going to walk away

from this situation...

you'll see..."

she said

in front of her grandsons,

no less.

oh really?

so,

bye,

i wanted to reply.

but i paddled around the pool instead,

around her reading her paper

on her float

muttering

about what a terrible person i am,

that i always

have mean things to say

about everyone

& i'm so negative...

on & on...

she's right about that,

because everybody

is so fucking stupid,

i'm without hope

because you're not right

you're weak to them all,

all but me.

to me you scream & yell

because i hold up a mirror,

for you to see yourself

& the rest,

oh!

but you dont recognize

you

or the others.

just stick your head deeper,

back into the sand

and pretend it's all grande,

that nothing is wrong

especially not with you

or yours.

just me.

why are we even here?

we make each other sick.

i am really pissed,

we've come all this way

for what?

for you

to bolt,

to one day

walk away

from this situation?

for you to even

say that

after 24 years.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Who Is Your Role Model?

Lesbian Icons: Who is your role model....   An August topic for The Lesbian Lifestyle.

     I really havent had a role model for years, but I must say I do look up to Professional Lesbians, Popular Lesbians or Lesbians in the Media who have had the strength to come out.  Not only that, but those who have the grace to lead a life of honor & love to their woman, partner or wife. 

      I think Rosie O'Donnell is such an example.  She is way COOL in so many modes.  Not only does she seem to have the energy of an "Ever Ready Bunny," but she has always done so much for so many.  She's got that wonderful NY toughness, is blunt & tells it like it is.  Not to mention she is FUNNY as hell. 

     Of course WE all knew she was a lesbian.  Amazing middle America didnt have a clue, huh?  When she came out (not in life, but to the nation) she was very low key as she continued with her talk show.  She would share pictures & home movies of children she adopted, then soon we all saw pictures of her beautiful girlfriend in the papers.  And who can forget her tearful pledge of love & gratitude in front of Americana to Kelly who stood by her during her hospitalization for surgery to keep her from loosing a finger?  Oh my God, my heart flipped!

     Then in the middle of her successful run, she chose to quit that excellent talk show of hers in order to stay home with her family, which now included Parker, Chelsea, Blake & newborn Vivi that Kelly & she just birthed!  Who could believe she would give up all that success for a stab at trying to live a "normal" life? 

     Around this time Ms. Ro got involved in a lawsuit with the magazine "suits" that stopped giving her respect & started dragging her name in the mud by publishing Rosie no longer using her input among other things.  She stood up to the mf's even tho she could have lost her 'fortune,' stayed strong & stood tough for her values & has lived to tell the story. 

     All thru this time, Ro did musicals on Broadway, appeared as guests on other talk shows, hosted award shows, sponsored Tabu with Boy George on the boards, & flew to San Francisco & got married to Kelly!  Who doesnt remember them walking down those steps to all the news cameras announcing the victory of legally pledging their love & devotion!  And God, didnt they both just look so HAPPY & BEAUTIFUL!!  That was thrilling & gave me hope.

     She had a website for some time, but now Rosie shares her wonderful blog, Rosie.com, with any & all of us who care to peruse her weekly wit, thoughts, feelings & eclectic prose.  She shares her exciting artwork & pictures of her gorgeous family, & we all watch them grow & live their lives as she adds new photos quite often.  Also there are times the comment section opens & many of us write in to talk & expound on what she's said & what's going on! 

     A recent topic has been this over-the-top, amazing cruise that Kelly & her business partners, & Rosie put together for Lesbian & Gay partners with their children!  It's a safe vacation space where the kids & parents all get together & travel the globe & enjoy the freedom of being out & who they are!  It's called 'R Family,' & it almost made me want to run off & adopt a daughter so I could join in the fun.    

     I dont know Ms. O'Donnell, so I cant really list all the wonderful things & charities she does as well as other projects, but I can tell you this much.  As a flight attendant, I have had Ro onboard 3 different flights thru the decades from when she was a VJ on MTV until before she became a mom 10 yrs ago. She was always kind, sweet, polite, respectful to the flight attendants as well as the passengers, & always would laugh at the dumbest jokes folks would feel compelled to come up & tell this comedian.  She was great, down to earth & never demanded any special attention & I think of her fondly.   The girl was NICE!

     Rosie is REAL.  She hasnt let showbusiness mess her up.  Although she is strong, she is also fragile, speaking in the past of dealing with depression, medication & many trials & tribulations she's had since childhood.  Ro's been honest.  She's a powerful example of a Lesbian in Love with Life, her Woman, her Children & her "Sister-friends."  She is the COOLEST!  I've gotten a lot of pleasure & fun through the years from Rosie.  I really dig her and I think she's Brave.    

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Phew!

Today I finished writing 5 chapters of my "so called" lesbian life.  PHEW!  What an accomplishment.  It felt great typing away, trying to make sense of it all!  I was surprised to find that it takes a LONG time to write stuff.  Like ALL day.  Now I have nothing left to say, (well, that's printable that is..)  So I think I'll take a break. Put the computer down Kathy & slowly back away! 

Two days ago we went to a great Lesbian party!  There were some real "old girls" there.  Nobody drank or smoked, it was wonderful!  Even the 8 little kids there were well behaved, cute even.  Everyone was very nice to us.  doris had a good time, but for me it was WONderful!!!

     I just love being around dykes!  The boggetyier the better!  Cant help myself, just LOVE a true butch!  Im in my element & feeling the flow!  I left invigorated!  It's so great to NOT have to be around straight people, if even for a day!

Monday, August 01, 2005

Looking For "The One"... pt.5

     Well, the next weekend I was back at  the Electric Circus, trolling for fine, bent babes.  I was wandering around the top tier that had a glass wall looking down on the dance floor.  I grabbed a grapefruit juice from the upstairs bar & then I spied HER on the other side of the room.  It was the woman on the carousel & wow, did she look beautiful!  I nonchalantly meandered over to her side.  Yikes, she was really tall!  And tough, yet elegant. 

"Hi," I smiled brightly "wanna dance!?" 

     She slipped me a glance through squinty eyes, then looked back at the glass wall, down toward the throbbing dancers. Dang, she was reserved & aloof.  She did Not seem interested. 

"So you Dont want to dance?" I said lamely. 

She gave me the once-over & said "come on," & down we went to join the thundering crowd. 

    I  attempted starting a conversation while dancing away, trying to match my steps to hers.  But she didnt seem talkative. Her name was Doris & she lived in New Jersey.  (Oh, crap- the kiss of death to someone who wanted a City girlfriend.)  Plus just when Id get my steps going with hers, she'd change beats.  Gees Louise, she didnt seem much into partner dancing.  She worked at General Motors & made Cadillacs.  (oooh, I could just See her throwing those car doors & fenders around!)  Trying to get any info from her was like pulling teeth.  But we kept bouncing to the tunes, & I guess she could see I danced better than all the other white girls...  Not that she seemed to care.  Well this was odd.   

     I finally said, "What's the matter, havent you ever been with a white woman?"  To which she replied, "Not really.  But I do have white friends at work."  (Im thinking, Oh great.) 

   "So lets meet here again tomorrow night," I boldly asked. 

     Just then her friend comes & jerks her away saying "we gotta go..."  Im thinking rats!  Then she turns around & says, "I'll see you tomorrow night."

  YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! 

 I smiled broadly & waved goodbye.

     So, that's how it all began.  Doris & I kept meeting at the Dyke Clubs.  We'd call every now & then, but she still didnt say much.  I cant really tell you we developed a friendship, it was more like a close acquaintance.  I thought she was secretive, but it turned out she was quiet.  She was nice, but not too demonstrative.  She acted tuff, but she was sweet.  She was elegant with a butch edge.    She appeared to be a good woman, but something just didnt seem right. I didnt like her friends, the girls she hung out with. Some of them were people I wouldnt want to be around.  I dont know why I kept chasing after her ass, but I couldnt seem to stop. 

     For one thing, Doris was 6 ft tall & magnificent.  She was a cross-between  Cicely Tyson & Nancy Wilson at the time.  Her face was just frickin' beautiful, & her lips were exquisite!  She had a lot of style & carried herself with class.  And she could Sing like Aretha & Patty!  Damn, I wanted her.  I was SO turned on!

     I never knew who was going to show up when I would go meet Doris.  She would dress in different costumes all the time.  There was the army sargent, the navy enlistee, the marine, the cowboy, the boxer, the cop, the mafia guy, the banker, the firefighter, superwoman, my Lord, the list went on!  And she looked great as all of them!  "Dont you ever dress regular," Id say??

     One 4th of July I was out with an ex-boyfriend, & my best gay friend & his lover having dinner.  When dropping the boys at their apt the ex takes out cocaine & chops it into lines & offers it to them.  I just sat there in the front seat of the car, passing the mirror back & forth but didnt take any.  I didnt think it would bother me, but I got annoyed.  Suddenly, I HAD to see Doris.  I had to be with her. 

      After they left, I told my friend to drive me to the Village.  The fireworks were just starting as he dropped me off at 6th Ave & Washington St.  Honey, I jumped out & marched right into De Jevu', a club for black women only, looking for Doris.  I went to the DJ booth & asked Bobbie if D. was there tonight.  Her smile disappeared when she realized I wasnt there to see her, "the tall one with the hat on in the back," she mumbled.  

     Doris was coming of the dance floor, saw me & said "KATHY!" & gave me a big hug.  I told her I had to see her, I hope she didnt mind that I busted into the 'sister space.' (man, all those women acted pissed at me.)  She said she was so glad I did & we sat at the bar & talked for hours.  We decided we wanted to date for real, to be together.  I said "How long do you think we should wait to make love?"  She replied, "About two months."  I smiled.

     We walked outside for her to drive me home.  We reached Washington & McDougal St, across from Washington Square &  she kissed me on the corner there!  Our first kiss!  Boy, it was a wet one.  yikes.  The 4th of July fireworks were still going off!

     After that, I peddled my ass all over town trying to tighten up & worked out at the health club everyday, steamed about 50 different conditioners in my long hair each night & exercised in my hotel rooms on layovers just to become even more fabulous for our upcoming night together in two months! 

     Well, we only made it to 2 weeks!  One night after leaving De Jevu' we stopped off at the Blue Note on 6th Ave & 4th St.  I said lets take a cab to my apt & come back to meet your friends later!  She agreed, but went up to the ladies room 1st.  I later found out she smoked a small joint because she was nervous being with her first white woman.

     I hailed a taxi & we zoomed uptown, ran up the steps & into my studio.  We started kissing as soon as we got in the door, & I led her over to my platform bed.  It was carpeted 4 ft off the floor in the corner, with big mirrors on the walls & a mirror on the ceiling.  A white silk bedspread was tucked around the king mattress with about 20 pink, fat pillows all around.  We threw ourselves down & finally began to share the bliss that we had wanted for so long.  What do you know, Doris turned out to be an expert at giving GREAT head!!!  This is the ONLY person Ive ever been able to come with everytime she went down on me!

     God, she was beautiful!  She was 11yrs older than me & a real Woman!  Her body was to die for, & her skin was SO Soft!  It was exciting, yet a little tense. It was Hot, yet a bit tempid.  It was liberating, but somewhat rigid. It was fun, yet awkward.  We were both scared, yet relived!  It was not perfect, but it was great!  Our fit was not exact, but damned if we didnt have some grande potential!  

     We got back to the club, somewhat disheveled & feeling glorious!  I was glowing again, & had never danced so loose.  Things felt different now.  I was hers & she was mine.  She was mature & I could count on her. 

     That was July 17th, 1981. Happy Anniversary to us, 24 yrs later!  Life is GOOD & I Am BLESSED!  

     I would like to say our relationship was easy, but it has been a long intense road! I sent Doris a dozen white roses the day after our 1st encounter, & called to find out if they were delivered!  Another woman answered the phone.

"Who was THAT?"  I asked.

"Oh that was my daughter."  she said.

"WHAT???  You have a child?"

"Yes I have 3"  A 22yr son, an 18yr daughter, & a 16yr son.

"WWWHHHAAATTT?????  Why didnt you tell me?"  I said unbelivably.

"You never asked," she simply replied. 

     I was shocked.  Back when I loved men, the weekends were always messed up because their children would come to visit.  With women, of course, the kids LIVED there everyday.  I used to be wild & uninhibited in the rack, & now I had to moan & groan quietly.  And not walk around nude.  And not grab & kiss their mother in front of them.  Jesus.  

     When Doris would go to work, her daughter & friends would smoke pot & when I asked them not to do this in front of me, her daughter said "This is my house, I can do what I want."  They would also eat food that I bought (being borderline diabetic) & it wouldnt be there when I returned from a flight.  

     Doris' ex girlfriend would just walk in the house, walk in the bedroom when we were in bed, & walk into her closet to "borrow" clothes to wear. 

     Doris had NO Control over any of them, & really couldnt handle my bitching about it all.  When she moved to another apt, I thought great!  At least we'll be away from her ex, only to find out she moved to where her ex had just moved. 

     I LEFT.  Yep, I bolted twice over the years.  I couldnt take all the bullshit insanity.  She went and brought me back each time.  I remember one night in particular.  We were in the bedroom.  Grown children were in the livingroom, each sleeping -or whatever- with their girlfriends/boyfriend.  It was riduclous & gross.  I had it, & left the bedroom, went & peed with the door opened, stepped butt naked over each couple on the floor or mattresses on my way to the kitchen, where I got a soda from the fridge, stood & drank it with the appliance light shining on my pale titts & ass while holding the door open, slammed it, then stepped back over the "sleeping" group, went back into the bedroom & closed the door.   

      Doris was pissed, but they all stopped bringing their fuckees over shortly thereafter.  I would scream to Doris that it may be "normal" to her to have full grown men laying around in their fucking jockey shorts, but that it was totally destructive for a lesbian relationship.  If I wanted to have that, I could have stayed with men. 

     The 'straw that broke the camel's back' was when her daughter got pregnant & had a baby.  So okay, the little bundle was precious, but her daughter was always "out" & leaving the child with Doris.  Id get in from a flight & she would put the baby in my arms & pass out from exhaustion after work.  I was drained too & needed her attention.  But a tiny newborn needs constant attention  & with our tedious jobs, we were just empty, tapped out.    

     Now I was only into my 1st year being sober.  I was having a hard time dealing with such total, out-of-control insanity, let alone my own life problems.  Doris could only stick her head in the sand so as to Not deal with anything.  I finally said, "Doris, if you want to raise your granddaughter, I think you should.  But if I wanted a child I would have had my own."  To which she replied, "Ive spent my whole life sacrificing, sometimes working 3 jobs at a time trying to raise my children on my own. Im NOT going to raise their's."

     Shortly thereafter, the kids were out of the house & on their own.  And we were finally ALONE AT LAST!  It actually took about 4 or 5 years before we became deliriously happy.  I started going to AA meetings.  I had not gone into "the program" when I first put down drugs & booze.  It really helped, I started to feel more understood by others going thru similar problems. 

     Then I went into Debtors Anonymous to clean up my bills.  After that came Survivors of Incest Anonymous, & from there I got a new, wonderful shrink who truly helped me to become a better person to Doris.  She helped me to become whole &  I actually owe my life to her.  I then started going to Co-dependants Anonymous, & then Sexual Compulsives Anonymous.  That is where I really got my life together, & Im sure Doris was relieved that I slowly stopped behaving like a sex addict & quit trying to wake her up for so much 'personal attention' all the time.  The only problem with that is eventually I needed Overeaters Anonymous...  & still do to this day.

     We started to build the life we wanted & were ecstatic when we were finally able to buy our own house about 10 years ago.  The children & grandchildren (there are 5 now) may come by during weekends, but nobody lives here but us, 2 cats & a dog!  Life has been wonderful & we know we have been truly blessed! 

     Now, the only thing we have to adjust to is Doris being retired.  She is here every minute of the day & we can tend to get on each others nerves now.  (Well, more so than before.)  Believe me, it's an adjustment.  But Im not really worried.  After everything we've been thru for the past 24 years, this should be a peice of cake!

     Looking back, it's a miracle we've made it this far.  We are total opposites & it's taken a lot of hard work, patience & Love. I adore my splendid, sweet, beautiful woman, she is a true gift from God, Goddess, Universe.  I treasure & cherish our life together & there's no one else in the world I'd EVER want to be with.  It took many years, but I actually trust that she would not run around on me.  We spoil each other & take care of each other.  Im always SO proud to be with her & to this day I just crave to look at her exquisitely beautiful face.  I am the luckiest woman in the history of the universe & I thank God everyday! 

     Life is GOOD.