trouble in paradise

sometimes it seems 

impossible not to be negative.

so much that annoys me,

a lot i dont like.

kids.

change.

everything else.

it all sucks.

and makes me not nice.

and boring.

and tedious.

what to do

to get out of myself?

leave.

before she does.

fucking bitch.

be nice to everyone but me.

which i guess is better than me

not being nice to anyone.

you all stink.

why should i bother.

that's what i think,

i dont even want

to attempt trying

any longer.

"i swear,

one day i'm just

going to walk away

from this situation...

you'll see..."

she said

in front of her grandsons,

no less.

oh really?

so,

bye,

i wanted to reply.

but i paddled around the pool instead,

around her reading her paper

on her float

muttering

about what a terrible person i am,

that i always

have mean things to say

about everyone

& i'm so negative...

on & on...

she's right about that,

because everybody

is so fucking stupid,

i'm without hope

because you're not right

you're weak to them all,

all but me.

to me you scream & yell

because i hold up a mirror,

for you to see yourself

& the rest,

oh!

but you dont recognize

you

or the others.

just stick your head deeper,

back into the sand

and pretend it's all grande,

that nothing is wrong

especially not with you

or yours.

just me.

why are we even here?

we make each other sick.

i am really pissed,

we've come all this way

for what?

for you

to bolt,

to one day

walk away

from this situation?

for you to even

say that

after 24 years.