Sunday, January 24, 2010

Passive Aggression

I can't believe how I'm not keeping up with this blog, FB is just so much easier. Altho' I don't rant much on fb, except for not getting the gay marraige vote in Jersey...

I am SO fucking pissed that NJ didn't legalize Gay Marrige. Damn asswipemotherfuckers. Good thing I don't own a gun. I've been in a 28 yr relationship with my beloved, longer than most of those dumbass HETS have ever been in their 1st, 2nd, or 3rd marraiges. It WOULD be nice to get married & have equal rights before either of us kick the bucket! Shit for brains FUCKTARDS. All of them. Rant done.

So other than that, & also FA's do not have my blog addy, so I have bitched about some of THEM before on here...they ARE on fb so I wouldn't complain about them on there! However, they are all so damn funny, it is so worth having them on my fb! It also keeps me up on what's happening with the airlines since I've been on sick leave with heel spurs & leg burcitus for 8 mo... I do NOT miss flying. I DO miss the nutcase FA's. We're all a bunch of coo-coo heads.

Jan is birthday month for my woman, but I haven't had much money to spend on the celebration. She turned 74, still looks 44 & has more energy than I do for sure.

Strangely 2 days before her b'day she turned insane. 1st she got crazed when we came home from grocery shopping that I went up to check on replies for my fb entry about MLK day, I guess she wanted me to watch her cook dinner or something. She gets pissed I'm on the computer so much. I've been cleaning out my "closet room" throwing clothes into garbage bags to give away. But also I had clothes laid out on a couch to put back. She threw a tantrum fit & took everything & threw it out in the van. Still don't know what happened there. It really pissed me off when I saw she also threw my good clothes out. Plus I was hurt, here I am working so hard to clean up, & doing such a good job.

The next day she started screaming at me for rolling my eyes when Herman called to wish her Happy bday. I screamed back, we screamed for a good 30 min, "he's my SON, my son" "he treats you like shit" "it's none of your business" "anyone who gives half of 2 shits for you would not put up with him" "shut up about my son" "You shut up about your son."

So that night I went out to get her cards, balloons & flowers while she went to choir practice, her bday was the next day. So when she got home that night everything was set up. The thing is I got the ugliset roses I've ever seen. On purpose. They were pinkish tan puke color. The next morning i ran down to check to see if they opened up & looked better. NOPE! They each fell over on the stems & looked like crap. I was like omg, the roses died last night. D was it's okay honey, it's the thought that counts.

Well I have NEVER in 28 yrs done anything like that. It was so passive aggressive. Screw it, I don't even care - I didn't deserve the way she suddenly treated me out of the blue. And I'M the one who does everything for her, NOT her jackass pathetic son. Fuck her. I don't even feel bad I did that. (well maybe a little) But it secretly cracks me up, I think it's funny. I was mad.

But then the rest of the week has been great!
We went to see AVATAR again, this time in 3D!!! It was SO awesome, so beautiful, SO FABULOUS!! There are just no words to explain it. The 3D makes it like a LSD acid trip!!! SO fucking cool! Then we saw the Sandra Bullock movie The Blindside, also wonderful!
Took her to the Tropicana Diner for brunch twice. Had Chinese food one night. And just enjoyed each other's company watching favorite TV shows.... Her Birthday week is almost over.

With the exception of those 2 wierd days, things have been great. I doubt there'll be any more fighting for a while now.

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Hey I AM sick

I got bronchitus. shit. I have weak lungs because I used to smoke even tho' I quit almost 4 decades ago. it's called copd, & everyone that used to smoke has it to some extent.

Anyway, got $100 worth of meds. oye vey.
On the good side, when I FART is smells like medicine.
That's sure new.

Sunday, January 03, 2010

Why I got fatter than ever or MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTION

For me- try again. I must drop this tonnage & never again pick it up. God only knows how long it will take me this time… I’m embarrassed being this big now. I see people staring at me & pretending they’re not. Like they’re looking at a freak side-show. And they don’t say anything because that would be rude. It feels like I failed.

I remember when folks used to basically lear. That was SO annoying. I wanted to scream ‘get your fucking eyeballs off my body.’ It was the 60’s, 70’s & 80’s – a feminist era. Men have always been like that, they think it’s their right to just drool over any & every girl/woman simply because (they aren’t blind &) they can.

So I quit wearing make-up, & fabulous ensambles – just went for tee-shirts & sweat pants.. and THEN found a woman who was SO fucking beautiful that she got all the attention anytime we went anywhere, no one ever looked at me much after that. Well, it was a WELCOME relief & I was so proud to be with her!

But now back to the present. She is no longer proud to be with me, atho’ she still loves me, I know. I have abused my body so much with food that I have grown into a humongous Bertha Butt.

This time my reason was freaking out over the plane landing in the Hudson. Why was I torturing myself with Weight Watcher starvation if in fact that could happen to me too? I went into a huge depression & started eating everything & anything I wanted. That was a year ago last Jan 2009.

So this year, it’s coming back off. Because people are staring at me again not with lust - not that I'd want that, but with a shock of terror. And it’s not just men now, it’s everyone who’s ever known me & then some.
Because it’s sad to see anyone so out of control. And it is so embarrassing I just wish I could dissappear.

So here I go again... one day at a time. I've done it before, I can do it again... I need to get healthy again.

koo koo stream of consciousness

I do not feel good. I have had such a sore throat & bad cough for a week. The cough is violent & down in my lungs. After 7 days my ribs feel cracked everytime I cough, which is often. So guess I'll go to a Dr tomorrow. Seems by now this cold should be over. wtf? I want my life back. Been knocked out sleeping with all that Nyquil.

I need to clean up my room. As if thats gona happen once I get better. Doris has now taken to calling me a hoarder. So I watch those Hoarding shows, which are really horrid, & I do feel better about myself, phew! I sure aint that bad. Since when is not throwing out perfectly fine clothing being a hoarder? And for me, I need 2 sizes for everything- gigantic, & 40-50lbs less for when I lose this tonnage.

My loverwoman is so lame, that she never yelled at her shit for brains mf son that totally blew her off for Xmas & didnt bother to call to let her know he wouldn't be at the bus station while she sat there waiting to see her baby boy. In fact, she WAS going to cash in the ticket, but then he called & said he would come another time, & she was fine with it. Fucking lame I tell you, there is no hope for her - or us for that matter when the subject of her own personal jack-ass dumb fuck bastard seed is anywhere in the picture. Herman the vermin... It's so fucking pathetic. SO GLAD I didn't have children.

Hmmm. What else? I mean to loose weight this year. Too bad I totally abused myself with food & weigh 210, maybe more now. I figured it out at the last ww meeting. It was last January when good ole Sully landed his plane in the middle of the Hudson River. Scared me to death! - So bad that I got totally depressed & decided if I could possible die like that, fuck starving myself to look perfect. Seriously that is what triggered me & I was off & running eating anything & everything I wanted. And loved it all.

But now I'm on anti-depressants. And I seriously look like fucking pure-dee shit. So this is the year I again gotta get a grip. soon. shortly. in a minute. or two. Hell. I was gorgeous when I was young. NOBODY would know that to look at me now. It's a shame. Very sad. But there are so many lessons to learn from that. Too many to list. WhatEVER, I'll get it together, I did it 2 years ago, I can do it again.


It's embarrassing to go out in public looking like this. This is no joke. I would rather just stay home.