Thursday, June 29, 2006

Damn Contraption, Gay Parade, & Grandkid

Oh my GOD, I'm so annoyed.  I just paid $125 to have some piece of shit sautered on to this damn contraption of a laptop plus $29 to have aol worked on so I can pull up my email....  and I STILL CAN"T PULL UP MY EMAIL.  What the FUCK???  GAAAA.  I can get AOL, all 80 emails  appear, but when I click on ea email, NOTHING HAPPENS..  NOTHING> .  I don't get it.  So I have to take this back in, & already it's been so long since I've written.

So here's what's happened over the past 3 weeks:

First I've now lost 45 lbs!! (I Can't believe it!) Yeaaaaaaaaa!!!!!  Today I actually bought capri demin jeans in size 12 AND size 10 !  This was very exciting!!!  Thank you God.

Last weekend my Fabulous Doris & I went to the NYC Gay Pride Parade...  but not All 8 HOURS of it... We were only there 3 hrs...  We went late, we finally found a place to park, then walked down the midway checked out all the stuff for sale, got stared at since we were so old (albeit gorgeous..), got asked to do a colestral commercial HA!HA!HAAA!  (we said no thanks..)  strolled around & found a place to perch & continue watching the crazy gay folk,  (everyone was SO young...  I mean seriously ...  they all looked 12 years old.)  shit! 

Dang, there was no place to pee & it was impossible to get into restaurants...  so after getting hot dogs from Grey's Papaya, we sat in the car to dine & then hit the Holland Tunnel back to Jersey.  phew!!!  What a waste. 

I thought it would be so great to be able to walk around holding hands & it was, but I still felt like I was on Mars because everybody was really so so very YOUNG.  Hell.  Where do I have to go to feel kindredship - a gay senior citizen centre???  (I WISH ther WAS such a place!)  Wierd. 

I do enjoy the Sage dances, but damn, thoses dykes really do look tired.  Seriously.  I don't wish to seem rude, but good Lord - nobody looks as beautiful as Doris, & I am getting back to looking well,almost fine.  It is good to see Doris smile every time she looks at me these days!  It is so worth all the hard work at Weight Watchers. 

Well back to my damn computer.  I am thinking of getting a small Apple laptop next so I can travel with it.  Do any of you use Apples?  Let me know what laptops you guys like.  I am going to have to start saving for a new one... 

So when I got home from LA last night the youngest grandchild was here.  He's still here.  He's a good kid, (14 yrs) & just graduated from the 8th grade.  He's sweet.  His big brother (18 yrs) is working away at a camp, & he will go join him there next month.  They would rather be here staying with us & visiting their Grandma than anything else.  If any of you read me regularly, then you KNOW how little tolerence I have for kids for very long.  I know...  I am a bitch. 

Is is too much to want, need PEACE & NO KIDS around??  How the HELL do parents do it?  I should NOT complain.  This is a great kid, & I do love him.  I just want him to go home.  His home, not mine.  I already asked Doris if we can take him back tomorrow.  She said yes, but her eyes said maybe.  sigh. 

Let me just shut up before World War III starts around here. 

I think I'll go make some popcorn, drink lime Perrier & catch up on your blogs.  At least my computer hasn't turned itself off yet.  I guess that much is fixed.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Today Is Father's Day

Today is Father's Day so I should write about how I loved my Daddy.  He was a good provider & worked really hard, altho' he was out of town alot on business.  (Or so he said...)  Also he didn't communicate much, being a quiet type of guy, he prefered reading, listening to classical music, & photography.  So actually he was often like a vapor.  He never paid any attention to my mother, which I now recognize was his power trip with her since she was so very difficult.  Whereas she screamed at the top of her lungs like a banshee when she'd get pissed off (which was all the time,) he was quite the opposite, very even tempered & calm.  Aloof actually. 

I found a way to get to him, tho' - to get his attention, & THAT was to be his photography subject.  So I grew up in front of his camera & my life is chronicled in wonderful slides (remember those?) from the day they brought me home from the adoption agency until I left at 21 & struck out on my own in NYC!   

More than that, tho' - I amused him & he found me rather adorable.  When I'd come into the room his eyes would soften & a sweet smile would start to spread across his face.  Not a lecherous smile, just a pleasant, loving glance up from his nightly newspaper.  He enjoyed me more often than naught. 

When I was little I would run to jump into his arms.  I could barely stand it when he could no longer lift me up around 4 yrs old.  He was a short man & I had become too heavy. 

One Valentine's Day Daddy died at the young age of 68.  I remember the last time I saw him that year.  He was dropping me off at an airport in California & he leaned across the front seat to hug me goodbye.  It became a long, lingering (for him, as he was Not demonstrative) hug where a cop banged on his car window for him to hurry along.  My father was mad & said something like "oh damn him,"...  I think he knew it may be the last time we'd see each other.  I kissed his cheek & jumped out of the car saying, " bye Daddy, thanks I love you,"  he said "I love you too," & smiled a sweet, yet wistful smile.. I slammed the door & merrily rolled my suitcase into the terminal looking forward to getting back to my world in NYC.  Little did I know I'd never see him alive again. 

I miss my little ole' Daddy, he was SO smart & very successful in business.  I talk to him a lot & thank him for all he & Mother did for me.  There are things I could say about him that were not so great.  But I prefer to speak about the goodness of his heart from the goodness of mine.  I loved my Daddy! 

Saturday, June 10, 2006

broken contraption

First: I've lost 42lbs !!!

2nd; My damn computer isn't working right, keeps shutting off after I've written posts & then I loose the whole thing.  Plus I can NOT open my email on aol.  Now THAT's a new one.  shit.  I have to go to a hotel & use their computer on a layover. I'll try to get things fixed soon so I can write some of you.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Grave Marker

I was reading gaymo about how when walking in a cemetary she found grave markers of women that only had "wife of.." as if that is all they were. I went to the comments & liked Weese's ( idea.  To put "Wife of" on her gravestone & see what kind of reactions that would cause!  It made me laugh, so here's what I wrote:

"Let's all get "wife of-" on OUR tombstones (or markers as the have these days) & go for a little shock value to eternity! 


"Here lies KMae
Loving wife of Doris Mae
Sister of Alan & all Lesbiana
Daughter of Ruth & Paul who both lived their lives in a closet
Step mother & Aunty of all Doris' children & grandchildren
Mistress of Roxie the Schnauzer, & Cats Boo Boo & Panther.
May She Rest in Heavenly Peace
as she lived in earthly republican homophobia!!"

Try it.

It's fun.


Sunday, June 04, 2006

Hookey from Church

Oh my gosh, Doris is so upset with me.  Annoyed, Disappointed.  I WAS going to church with her today, it is the combined choirs 1st Sunday & I get to sit with her in the front choir loft row.  But last night they called & asked her to sing a solo for the after church program at 400p ("100 women in white") & I knew I didn't want to stay all day at church.  She said she'd drive me home, but that is too far to just have to drive right back, & gas is too much. 

Call me a heathen, but I can not STAND to spend all day in church.  Just can't do it anymore.  I'm sorry but I can pray & worship God, Goddess, Universe anywhere, I don't have to be in a building called "church."  I can get my praise on anywhere, esp nature.  However I can just as easily commune with Creator here in my bed.

If it was to be a whole day of Gospel Music & Praise, that would be different.  Now THAT would be invigorating!  But to have to sit for hours listening to preachers drone on about the Blood of Jesus has just become too much.  Of course, I'm truly grateful for what Jesus went thru to save my sorry soul!  And for God's Grace & Mercy I am forever in debt.  I just resent having to sit there all day on one of only two days off & listen to bible verse regurgitation & male interpretation, half of which I disagree.  WhatEVER.

So, I am going to pray a bit here, ask for forgiveness (yep, I do feel guilty about it all - staying home, not to mention my mean, evil, bitch streak that seems to pervade my total being no matter HOW nice I TRY to be,) & then I think I'll roll over & go back to sleep a bit!  Maybe I can regenerate some positivity, happiness & good health for my next flight out tomorrow with a bit more REST & relaxation. 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.  Sheer peace.


Thursday, June 01, 2006

boring me

Well, I flew that trip the next day & was able to make it thru, with a great #1 & good psgrs!  I did however drop my last trip of the month (on Memorial day) which was SO hard to loose all that overtime I would have accrued (104 hrs). 

But I made the decision to rest as I think Ive learned the lesson: I am just too old to work this hard now.  I just have to accept it.  I have to figure something else out.  I 've not been as sick as I was this month, what with "allergies"/a cold & food poisoning/a 24hr virus - what EVER all that was. I was too worn out. 

The Flight Attendants on this trip Also gave me a little bday party complete with cake (didn't eat it) & candles & presents.  They made me feel so appreciated.  A sky marshall onboard took pictures with his blackberry & I emailed them to some sister bloggers.  Unfortunately I don't know how to put them in my journal here.  daaaa.  I'm an idiot.

Well this is a boring entry, ho hum.  I've had 5 days off & I have to fly out tomorrow (thurs.)  Back to the ole grindstone,  I feel okay.  Don't know WHEN I'll ever not feel tired again. 

And I won't even go into what a fucking bitch I am when it comes to holiday barbecues.  Doris did everything, got everyone together here.  She is amazing.  I was miserable.  Some of them came sick.  It pissed me off.  I think everyone is stupid & I just wanted it to be us, alone.  I was SO glad when it was over & they all went home.  I don't like people all in my home.  How the HELL do mothers stand it???  They do this crap every day.  blaa.  I am NOT cut out for this, esp when I'm exhausted & recovering from feeling listless & ill.

But who am I kidding?  I would not like this if I were 100% well & happy.  Which would be easier if I wasn't worried about bills & making ends meet.  Shish.  My GOD, I am so boring.  Let me just shut the F. up!