New Year's Resolutions...
Clearly this time last year, I was skinny & cute after loosing over 50 lbs. Now, gaining back 35 lbs I am a failure in maintaining that weight loss. Well, that is how it feels, & DEFINITELY how it LOOKs. I look fat. again. Damnittohell.
The thing is I wanted to become beautiful & fabulous again more than anything. And I did! Beauty & Fabulosity were always my claim to fame. Not much in the scheme of life accomplishments. But damn, I looked good & therefore felt good!
And when I had accomplished getting back to being (dare I say it) gorgeous again it felt excellent! However something was missing. I think depression still hung over me... But I'm guessing that may always be in my life. There was still an emptiness there, you know- deep in the pit.
Being beautiful again, looking 20yrs younger did not bring as much happiness as I had expected. Plus I missed eating crap & stuffing my gutt - trying to fill up that emptiness I guess. Gorging delicious food makes me happier than starving & being skinny & perfect. At the moment, anyway. Afterwards, of course, comes the guilt & disappointment of failing to maintain weight watcher goals.
So, this year I'm going to go for more happiness. I shall become healthier in weightloss endeavors & try not to surrender to sadness so much. Guess I shall always need to strive to be more positive, I tried that this past year but only seemed to crack the shell of disgruntledness.
And I shall seek more Spirituality. Just going to church isn't working. Doris went today & I stayed home. I was much more Spiritual when I lived in the City. Meditation, 12 step meetings, a great shrink, massage, chiropractor, acupuncture, Spiritual books as well as church & gospel music had me on a roll. I think I'll get back to meditation first.
And I definitely will have to clean up my debts. Not wanting to take money out of my money market to do so, but got to get that monkey off my back.
And I shall ALWAYS need to be neater & more organized.
This is the first rough draft of my Resolutions for 2008. I'm sure I shall be able to add on more. I have 2 days before New Years Eve. Why is life still so hard?