Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Oh Lordie, It Won't Be Long Now.
Oh gosh. sigh. Don't know what happened, I WAS sorta doing well, but I forgot to take my meds one day, then I went down into the dregs of paralysis & suddenly balked at putting up the xmas tree.
I just couldn't stand to think of it. It was a skinny little $15 twiggy tree because I refuse to spend a ton on the trees anymore. And the bigger the tree, the longer it takes to light & decorate it. Luckily Doris put it up in the stand for me (after muttering her 'you can't do anything', she likes to tell me this regularly..)
The truth is I am sick of doing it all MYSELF with the Christmas decorations inside and out. This I CAN do. The other truth: I can't do anything else. ha! I actually can't. I vacum well. Can not clean, cook, wash clothes or dishes... So she IS right about all that.
So after D put the tree up in the livingroom, I put the lights on, then took 2 days decorating it. Now I need to add tinsel & it's done. I am sorta sad I got such a small. skimpy tree now as I KNOW I am fabulous at this, but just am sick of it after all these years.
ONCE I went for a decade with out a tree & didn't miss it. But since buying the house 16 yrs ago, got back into decorating. At first it was wonderful to have a home to celebrate holidays in, so romantic - my Babe & I !
All too soon I realized W_R_O_N_G !! Kiss those days GoodFuckingBye. Children, Grandchildren, Sisters, Neices & Nephews. GAWD Almighty. Such a DRAG. So NOT romantic. Shit fuck piss.
So OKAY. I got into it, best I could - which was pretty damn great with all the photo albums I made each year for everyone, & they DID appreciate it. Quit doing that 4 years ago when the money got cut down after 9/11. anyway, don't miss doing that, it's a relief in fact.
And I was doing the decorating & other presents for the grandkids when they were young. They are old now. They have their own lives even tho' they still come by & stay.
And then there is always that fucking Herman. Her youngest whom she loves so much & I absolutely detest his LAZY deadbeat ass all over the livingroom couches, watching MTV videos & using the phone as much as possible.
And of course he doesn't come if D doesn't send him a bus ticket to get here. He's 46 for fucking sake. I hate him. He's nothing but a bullshit con artist. But he IS part of her & she wants him here & doesn't want me to argue about it. So I gotta just eat it & go with the fucking flow. Oye fucking vey. What ever. Breathe.
Maybe this is why I suddenly froze about putting up the tree. Thank GOD I never had children to dissappoint the shit out of me. I'm so brilliant.