Gotta fly out today. Vacation (WHAT vacation?) is over. I am deeply depressed. Big surprise.
2005 was horrible, I was glad to see it go. Thought 2006 would be better, but so far it's worse. Or at least as bad. Is it me? I gotta get a grip here.
Dreamed about my parents last night. We were getting ready to go on vacation. Daddy was figuring out the milage with a map like he did every year. Mother was smiling & happy. Alan & I were going thru the (huge) house turning off all the lights. We were all looking forward to the adventure coming up. The different thing is that we had Pinkie the van that Doris & I had. That would have been great. It was nice of them to come by & visit me last night. I guess they knew how sad & upset I was. That was kinda comforting.
So today we're acting as if nothing happened, nothing is wrong. It makes me wonder if the past 24yrs were all a farce. Last night I thought about just flying trip after trip after trip to stay away. But that's how I got shingles. Oh wait, no ... according to my beloved it was because I am such a miserable bitch.
How sad. How truly sad. My life is in limbo. I don't feel hate for her today. Just regret. I have a deep pool of despare filling my insides, the hard ache of depression in my gutt. God, I hope I don't cry on the plane in front of the other Flight Attendants. I have to become more positive before this gets out of hand.