Monday, July 18, 2005

Happy Anniversary!

7/17/05...24yrs!!!!  Wow, I am surely blessed!!  It's actually a miracle.  Of course, I didnt think so earlier at church when Doris wouldnt go up to the alter with me to thank God for 24 years together.  I was so happy until then.  She hurt my feelings.  But then, it's been 24 years for Christ sakes, I SHOULD know her by now.  Just keep hoping she'll change some day & have some pride in our realtionship in her church, but guess not. 

Girlfriend is a fucking closet case.  Girlfriend makes me feel like one of those dumbasss dykes who fell in love with a straight woman.  sigh.  Oh well.  Cant have everything.  She gave me 3 wonderful, romantic cards & beautiful white roses with pink insides. And yesterday we went to the beach (Asbury Park & Ocean Grove), sat on the boardwalk & enjoyed the scene & the sun!  We walked around & had quiche & salad. The weather was beautiful, the ocean air was spectacular!  Such a relaxing day. Made it a nice anniversary weekend.

I would still rather have her than not.  Actually, Id die if I didnt have her. Thank you God for 24 wonderful years with Doris, even if she wouldnt come up to the alter & announce it in front of everyone. 

     Went to see Simone in St. Barnabas later on today.  Thought it would cheer me up to see the new little baby.  But I got really sad.  damn.  Such a sweet little teeny infant just a little over a day old, only 6lbs & sleeping soundly in Simone's arms. 

Simone.  What have you done to yourself?  You were SUCH a gorgeous little child.  I used to hold you in my lap & rock you to sleep during those boring church sermons 14 yrs ago.  I havent seen you for a couple of years now, you're 17 & I barely recognize you - you got so big & your pretty little face is so distorted.  Youre still so moody & NOW youre a mommy. 

 Oh that poor little baby.  I held her in my arms, Little Lailah Aryanna Nicole. Pure. Angelic.  Fresh. Innocent. Brand new, clean & trusting. Oh God, help her PLEASE.  Help them both. 

Simone'sfoster mother will now take care of them all -Simone, her other foster sisters there & now the baby - & be paid  quite aLOT for each.  The baby will now be in the foster care system.  Unless her boyfriend talks Simone into marrying his Dominican self so he can get a green card.  Possibly one reason he knocked her up.  Kids.  They can be so fricken stupid...  she let herself get pregnant...  Probably wanted attention.  She was always SO depressed.   Oh Lord, we need another miracle.

This is SO sad & depressing.  I feel so bad I can barely breathe.  That fragile, sweet baby has such a long, hard road to travel.  So, so desolate.

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