Sunday, November 16, 2008

I Just Feel So Guilty

I have felt a bit better the past 3 days, but then it comes back & hits like a bee sting to the heart. Well, that's some of the time.
The other time it's like a gushing STAB wound to the heart. The heart... what a fragile organ. (Which reminds me, I didn't take my Lipator today.)

Sometimes it's like a bolt of lightening to the soul or maybe a hatchet to the brain.

I'll be feeling better (usually EATING, stuffing my gut or escaping my sorrows with some other ungodly addiction
(shopping)) & maybe even begin to attempt a chuckle here, a chortle there, and then

The old grinding, empty gut ache returns along with remembering bereavement & loss.

Like walking along thru life just fine & then that sharp, knawing pain of arthritis suddenly grips a limb when the weather turns damp... & oh yeah "I have arthritis now..." you remember new pain.

The torment & suffering returns.

Ah yeah, the pain of reality, or more to the point the agony of death.

God, what a DRAG.

But today was better.
Until now...
Until the dark.

Isn't that always the way?

1 comment:

the only daughter said...

Awww, dear. It will take some time. But, in time, you'll be able to get through a string of days and nights without the pangs of pain...physical or otherwise.