Saturday, May 14, 2005

Everything is CALM

     Well I am starting to feel ever so much better, thank GOD!  Still not well, but nothing like being really sick to appreciate feeling better.  One thing tho, this new medication the Dr. gave me for the itchy/burny deep inside my body under the healing shingle scars... this stuff makes me SO woosy.  And it knocked me out last night.  ...could hardly walk when I got up.  And I THINK its a tranquilizer.  Like an Elephant tranquilizer, ha!  That's appropriate with all the weight Ive gained. Ha ha ha.  Feeble attempt at humor when Im calm, free of anxiety in a sedated lull. GOD, I hate to say it...  I LOVE DRUGS.  damn.  No wonder I am a fricking drug addict...  Altered realities, feeling HIGH, stumbling thru life...always much better to me than plodding along with both feet planted firmly on solid ground, facing the daily grind of concrete existance.  SO much better, & I always forget how great it is, until Im into the middle of it & BANG! Im suddenly thinking oh wow THIS is nice!... Let me just hang back & enjoy it while it lasts.  What a relief to just relax & not give a Shit.  It's always such a struggle to not worry constantly, Im always fretting about something or someone.  And Im so grateful to feel better from the pain & itching, (jeeze I dont know which will drive ya crazy first or worst....) that I almost dont care that it' a drug that's doing it.  But since Ive been in recovery for 24yrs I know damn well I'll have to keep a close watch on this latest development. 

Damn.  Yet something ELSE to worry about.   


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