Sunday, December 31, 2006

Another Inventory

I'm sitting here (D went to church,) taking inventory of 2006 trying to think of something uplifting because for some reason I could so easily slip into depression.  (I'm trying not to panic here, let me stay positive.)  I put on some good gospel music, that should help!

I find my own blog to be a great tool in the  perspective of where I've been & where I'm going.  Guess it's 'cause I don't remember much lately.  Never the less, I've been reading back thru this year. 

Guess I've done okay.  But next year in 2007 I hope I get my money problems under control.  It's ridiculous & embarrassing that at this age I am so broke.  Also, I should go to dr's & a dentist, I've managed to go thru the year with good enough health not to bother.  Not too smart, but better finances will help with that.  Thank you God, Goddess, Universe for great health!!

I notice that not too many blog folks in relationships write about any problems they are going thru like I have.  Surely their lives can't be ALL so happy & sunshiney?  Then again, maybe they really are totally ecstatic with each other everyday!  

I definately DO feel that way with Doris quite often, however I notice I tend to write more when I've hit those chords of discontent.  Doris is just generally happy-go-lucky, outwardly sweet to everyone, always positive & feeling blessed.  It is a great way to be...  albeit a bit like living in denial for me.  Ha.  Wish I was more like her.  I just think too much.  She really tries more not to think, by constantly having TV or stereo going, sometimes both at the same time, (argh, too noisey for me...) or reading 2 or 3 daily newspapers.

She remaines calm to keep her blood pressure down, & I'd do well to learn that  trick.  I brood more & feel deeply. 

She is really FUNNY & makes me laugh, which is the most important thing in a relationship as far as I'm concerned. That & trust not to be fucked around on.  Hate THAT. 

Doris can COOK!  And she cleans like a white tornado in record speed!  I burn hard boiled eggs & after I spend a whole day "cleaning up" the place still looks as messy & disheveled as ever. 

Oh, and she is exquisitely beautiful & ALWAYS lookslike a fashion plate stepping right off the pages of Vogue.  Even in her jeans.  Me?  I USED to be like that but prefer my baggy sweats & no makeup at this stage of life.  (I do force myself to gussie up since she likes it, tho'.)

That is getting easier to do again since I've dropped all this weight.  Which brings me to my greatest accomplishment this year...  Getting rid of 53 lbs of dead flubber thru Weight Watchers & Curves.  Now if I can just maintain this thru the next year & stay on 'lifetime member' I will be proud.  I am so relieved not to appear fat to others, I was ashamed.  Doris never made me feel bad about it, though.  She always said she loved me no matter what. 

Most the time I believed her.  I just didn't love myself.  It's hard to do, being such a perfectionist. 

Tonight we are going to a New Year's Eve dinner party down the street at the home of nice gay men!  I am looking fwd to it.  They have it every year, & the people there are always nice & mainly from the Gay church, MCC.  It's a GREAT way to start out the new year!

Happy New Year, Y'all! 
Be safe out there.


zannetoro said...

Congrats on the further weight loss and exercising! I'm a brooder too, you're not alone. Hope you have fun at your party and this next year is a wondeful one for you!!!

val41221 said...

HEY - - I can finally comment on your blog!!!!  Happy New Year, Kathy!  

And trust me, things are not all that rosy ALL the tiime for the bloggers you read, but for me, it's better not to focus on the negative.  Takes too much time and energy.  And instead of blogging about it, I find that talking to my partner about and trying to fix those negatives works out better.  In the last relationship I had, we tended to push things under the carpet... and 22 yrs later, I'd had enough and wanted to be happy.

Hope 2007 finds you with more peace and keep up the good work with the weight, if that will make YOU happy.  

dghtronly said...

I'm sure my blogging would be different if I had someone - to share certain things with--maybe. How would that affect my outlook? my voice? would she be concerned? care? Would we have the kind of relationship where we talked about everything-good and bad?

Perhaps we'll find out some time in 2007--in the meantime, I talk/write about what's in my heart that I can get my head and fingers to agree on a way to say it. :)

Kmae--you are my shero. If I can be half as successful as you've been in the weight loss department--you'd hear reports of some alien object in the sky--for I would be FLYING HIGH!

Happy New Year to you my dear. Keep on keeping on--and keep on putting it down--anyway you want.  Coming to visit you has been one of the true bright spots of the past few months for me.


sassyfemmect said...

I guarantee you that my life is not rosey 100% of the time.  Fran and I do our share of bickering, with the occasional fight thrown in there.  I don't blog about it because I don't want to put into words what I might later regret, especially because she reads my blog. Overall, we do tend to focus on the positive, and let the negative go.  It takes too much energy for us to be unhappy and grumpy.

Congrats on the 53 lbs, that's such an amazing accomplishment!

Hope you guys had a great New Year's!

jetsam8888 said...

Shedding 53 pounds is no small feat! Congrats on that accomplishment. As to everlasting calm and ecstasy (can the two peacefully coexist?), let me know when you discover the key to that kingdom!


nfluxus said...

I think most bloggers don't talk about the crap because their other half probably reads the blog but you have to know it's not all sunshine and roses everywhere. You're just more honest and open about what's going on in your life.

Think of it as farting. Everyone farts. And I'm sure their farts ain't smellin' rosy. Do they talk about their farts? I rest my case.

Hope 60th year is a good one!!