OMG. I've gained back 12 lbs in about a month. Shit. I know it's basically 'fear.' I know it's because of the plane ditching in the Hudson. Outwardly it doesn't look like it's affecting me because on the job I'm just regular - happy, perky, fast-working, funny & smiling. But this is how I really feel:
F U C K I T ! If I'm gona die, then let me eat what the hell I want.
And I have been. If I'm evacuating a plane, who the crap cares if I'm at my goal weight??? I'll just be glad I'm still alive.
Damn it to hell. At WW I can only loose 1 lb a week (if I'm vigilant) because at this age, I just can't get it off any faster. So if I buckle down & start now, that's 12 weeks, it will be at least May before I get this flubber back off my frame. And I will still weight 160lbs. (goal weight- the maximum I can weigh without paying the $14/week) Not the 172 lbs I topped off at yesterday's meeting. By May I thought I would have gotten down to 150 lbs.
I'm so disappointed in myself. I was doing so well, but now I'm not even making it to the gym. So clearly, I know what I have to do, it's just that I don't want to (quite frankly.) Do any of us EVER want to cut back on eating delicious food in mammoth portions??? Or move off the couch away from the TV? But oh well. That's what I gotta do. And the sooner the better before summer gets here & I look like I'm carrying a huge barrel in my mid-section underneath my swimsuit & tee-shirts. damn damn damn. It's SO annoying.
I just had 3 days off & spent each day in bed sleeping. Sometimes I'm just so tired from this job. (a little depressed maybe??) It did feel luxurious to get so much rest.
So today I'm flying out again & will definitely TRY to get back on the right path. Lord knows it's time to snap out of it.