Sunday, January 13, 2008

Effexor is Not a Quick Fix

I've been somewhat depressed forever.  Being in recovery - I have 27yrs clean & dry- I have resisted taking any meds for this.  However, I finally started a course of Effexor.  I took 1 for 2 days & it rendered me catatonic.  I realize now that it takes 4days to a week for your body to adjust to it & around a month to start making a difference...

If any of you take antidepressants I would appreciate feedback.  You can email me at KMB524@aol.com if you dont want to leave a comment.

Here is part of a letter I wrote a friend who takes it, loves it & was coaching me...

           FORGET IT!  I can not function like this on the plane.  So I have today & tomorrow to TRY to get it back together again & NOT take any more effexor.   I have to be really ALERT inflight in case of emergencies or (please God no) terrorism.

 Seriously... I think if someone had a heart attack today I would just look at them, blink & stare in a stupor.  If I had to evacuate a plane I would be doing it in slo-mo. - I think everybody else's exits would be evacuated before I even get my door opened.

I just simply can not function in my world like this, I don't have the time to get accustomed to this drug.  I really wanted it when I started, but I'm thinking the universe is telling me Stop It Now! 

I have another 2-week vacation in April.  Perhaps I shall try again then.  Or not...  but probably I will.  I'm wondering & hoping that if I don't take effexor today or tomorrow will I be back to normal on tue when I have to fly again? 

I've been handling my depressions (albeit not well at times) almost 3 decades without drugs, so I'll just hang in there.  I really wanted a magic pill to make me "happier" (I actually AM a happy person most of the time, or should I say most of the day...)  I knew I should be careful about this because that is exactly what every drug addict or drunk is going for... numb the pain of life & be happy.

I actually admit I enjoyed the last 2 days laying around zonked out, not giving a shit.  I felt great abandon  & relished it because I knew I couldn't move, so what the hell... 

But I can lay around all day 'out of it' with great abandon without an antidepressant & I DO a lot.  The difference is I am laying around depressed (well, I have to take in to consideration that I am EXHAUSTED from work & cabin pressure & SO disappointed I can't afford to retire.)

But of course, then I HAVE to Rally & get up, put on makeup to  go back to work.  Then, once I'm there with so many wonderful Flight Attendants (okay about 1/3 of them are probably on antidepressants themselves!)  I actually enjoy the job, the FA's & many of the psgrs (probably many of whom are taking antidepressants, too!! ha!)

Anyway, I actually feel I would be irresponsible if I went back to work on Tue feeling like this - so out of it & dizzy.  I definitely wouldn't be any fun to work with & I'd be trying to dash around in a haze.  It does help me understand  those FA's that do take antidepressants.  I work VERY FAST & they have a hard time keeping up with me.  Now I know why. 

I know you are grateful you had the time to go thru this & come out on the other side!  I feel a bit dishonest in trying to live my life drug free (clean & dry for 27 yrs) that I took Effexor then felt SO drugged for the past 2 days.  But intellectually I recognize that depression truly is a disease & there is no sense In living with it if one doesn't have to with all the help (drugs) there is out there.

I guess I'll just continue to tough it out, at least for now...
Hey!  Did I mention this not only numbed my mind, it also numbed my APPETITE???  Damn.  I sure could have used That side effect.

2 comments:

dghtronly said...

Stay strong K.  My thoughts are with you.

~~Deborah

sassyfemmect said...

Is there something else you can take, or a lower dose, that won't have quite the same catatonic effect on you?