Sunday, October 29, 2006

First Love

Is there anything as sweet & beautiful as your first love?  It's all so pure & innocent. 

I had my 1st kiss at 9 yrs old after ice skating with a boy from grade school.  I had boyfriends in jr. high & the most handsome boy in high school... altho he'd rather get drunk & throw up at LouAnne's, the local dance bar/club we'd get into, than kiss me, I still felt I had a prize.

But when I went off to college, was the first time I felt love for a boy named Bobby.  He chased me till he wore me down with his good manners, intense attention & he kissed really well enough to start turning me on some.  It didn't hurt that he drove a 65 electric blue Corvette Stingray, & he persued me so relentlessly that I actually believed him when he told me he loved me 1st.
My first 'grown up' love, it was so exciting & new.  We spent every spare minute together after classes, & soon were spending weekends at each other's homes.  Our parents loved us & it seemed we were meant for each other. 

In that day & age either you were a "good" girl or a "bad" girl in Texas, in the 60's.  I had a high profile (well for me it was) from being a young model, then holding beauty pageant scholarships from my home town, then my college town. I was NOT about to ruin my reputation by  having  intercourse with  boys.  Of course we spent days, nights, months & years discovering each other, doing everything else but...

We'd spend long lazy days on blankets spread out under the trees in the piney woods down a winding dirt road (Appleby Rd) in our East Texas college town.  We called it grubbing.  Life was simple, the air was clean, we'd roll around pledging our undying love & talk about what it'd be like when we got married.

We'd drive to the airports & just watch the Stewardesses & Pilots & talk about how we'd do that some day. 

We'd drive everywhere & eat everything in sight, whether it was The Sonic Burger, Bob's Big Boy's, or finer restaurants our parents would take us to. 

We had a wondeful youthful, childhood love & I never thought he would just drop it all for another girl he met who would have sex with him.  But that's what happened, plain & simple.

And when I finally got the opportunity to jump on a plane & fly to Hawaii to try to get him back, it was clear who he was with when I saw her bikini thrown under the bed & all her clothes in the closet.  I couldn't have been more humiliated when he told me he no longer wanted to be together since I told him I now had a boyfriend in NY. 

The Pain was unbearable, the deception & deceit unfathmable.  I wanted to get him back so I told him I couldn't have sex with him anyway  since I'd just aborted his baby.  It was a lie.  But I wanted him to feel something, anything for me, for us.  Of course, it didn't work.  Which shocked me even more.

I returned to NYC rejected & morose with his 'promise' that we'd see each other when he got back to Houston now & then.  What a joke.  My life & love had been reduced to a few yucs here & there.  It would never be the same.

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