Wednesday, October 25, 2006

38 YEARS

Yesterday I started my 39th year with the airline I work for.  On Oct 24th,1968 I stepped out of a car from LaGuardia Airport onto 14th St on the edge of Greenwich Village in New York City in front of a high-rise apt where I would be living with 8 other new Stewardesses!  

I turned native the minute my feet hit the asphalt!  It was thrilling to see steam filtering up thru holes in the streets, just like the movies!!  Imagine my surprise  when I found out it was from the sewers.

We were sweet, naive & I was so innocent back then. It was wonderful to live with black, white, brown, yellow - all different people together, getting along, very different from where I'd grown up. 

Marching around with hundreds of strangers everyday, it was easy to hide, an odd type of annonymity - nobody knows you, nobody even looks at you!  You don't have to wear makeup or even smile.  A welcome relief coming from modeling thru my youth, then beauty pageants after highschool for college scholarships, trying to proove I was worth loving & knowing. It was comforting just to blend in with the crowd & not be noticed.

I'd become a Stewardess to get to NYC to study jazz-ballet on Broadway with Luigi !  I was excited & looking forward to that.  Here I was, a young career girl, far away from my family (couldn't WAIT to get away!) on my own living in the Big Apple!  I loved my new job & all the fun people I worked with. I thought I was so grown up.

Soon all my roomates were dating & having sex.  I'd wait up all night for them to come home & beg them to tell me all about it, tell me everything!  Finally they told me to "just go out & get laid, for God's sake.."  I had missed my boyfriend back in Texas.  We were together thru college, but I was saving sex for when we got married. 

Finally I was given a trip to Houston, I called him to pick me up at the airport & we could barely wait to see each other!!  That night we finally went "all the way" much to his shock after waiting for so long.  I was estatic & so in love, couldn't wait to see him again!  Got another flight to Houston two weeks later & raced to call him & give him the news! 

Well, he wasn't there.  He'd flown to Hawaii with another girl to LIVE.  Seriously.

I was heartbroken & went into complete shock.  Not to mention, plummeted into the first of many clinical depressions to come.  How could this have happened to me?  After all 4 long years of loving & trusting this boy?  Especially after finally giving myself to him totally?  I started to begin to doubt there was a God.  If there was a God, why did so many bad things happen in the world?  Not just this, but all the other Really horrible things.  What was fair about life?  I also started to loose faith in everything I knew & believed about myself.  I lost focus & started floundering.  I wasn't even 22yrs old yet. 

4 comments:

dghtronly said...

Congratulations on your milestone.

Having someone you trust trample and discard you and your feelings can be devasting, at any age. Thankfully, there are stronger powers, forces that can be called upon to pull us out. Thankfully there was enough in you and around you-to pull you through, time and time again. I rejoice in your strength.

Now...about this dancing, still twinkling the toes?

theonlydaughter
Deborah  

zannetoro said...

Congratulations on your 39th Anniversary!
Loved hearing about your life! So then what happened?
Hugs!

jabz1965 said...

wow....that is such an amazing thing! Isn't it crazy looking back and remembering how devastated you were then. More please!!! =)

sassyfemmect said...

Congrats on 39 years!  Wow, that's a long time anywhere!

I want more of the story!  KMae, you need to write your autobiography, no joke!