Thursday, June 09, 2005

On Turning 58

I have waited too long to write this.  It's just that Ive felt so rundown, tired & depressed which I try to keep secret, but it's getting more difficult with each passing year.  Ive been 58 years old for 2 weeks now, 16 days actually.  I didnt really celebrate as much as sorta just somewhat ignore May 24th when it came along...  My heart did definitely get that zing & skip a beat when Doris brought me balloons, beautiful roses & fabulous birthday cards telling me I was loved!  We ate at Charlie Browns & I was just happy to have a quiet evening with my Babe.  She is still so damn gorgeous I cant believe how lucky I am to even just look at her everyday!  She asked me what I wanted for my birthday & in my brain I saw that big black truck with the spoiler on the hard, back cover we looked at the other day, but it had 238,000miles on it so I said nothing.  With everything we've got, what else do I need?  I am so truly blessed I doubt I deserve any of it!  I shouldnt complain, but "shouldnt" has never stopped me before:  This past year has just been a drag.  Maybe it's me, but I still cant believe that Bush was re-elected President. What a fucking Jackass.  The whole country is chock full of idiots.  Gay Marraige may never be legalized at this point.  Im sorry, but that is tragic for those of us who really desire to be treated as equally as any other dumbass heterosexual closetcase ignoramous.  The job at AAL has gotten out of control since the fricking paycuts, I have never worked so much & so hard with no rest for so little money, it has litterally knocked me on my butt.  And Im well aware that all the Real Estate deals that have been coming my way are Gifts from God & Im grateful.  Yet & still I have been driven nuts by the most obnoxious agents & incompotent mortgage reps, the stress of which has rendered me shingle stricken.  My beautiful sweet girlfriend who has hung around for 23 yrs (24 next month) has retired 8 months ago & turned into an annoyed, complaining unhappy wench that is upset at most everything I do, Plus she hates the animals & tells me everyday how she wishes they were gone.  I guess she used to treat the horrible women she worked with this way & now she has transfered this passive aggresive side over to me.  It is most unpleasant, as if trying to get used to her being home every minute of the day isnt hard enough.  Trouble in paradise over here, I wonder if we shall ever get back to normal.  I miss us.  It just seems that this was a rough year, complete with hot flashes, a HUGE GUTT, & Im hungary as a wolf every minute.  I topped off at 190 on the scale at Curves today.  Lord God, how did this happen?  I need help!

     58 has got to be better than last year.  Even tho' when I wrote about turning 57 I was so very positive.


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