Wednesday, December 01, 2010

An Old Hurdle To Jump

Hate Resentment Fear...
Not attractive on me
or anyone...
I'm not happy carrying so much pain.

Pain & Disgust.

I have done so well with being positive
Esp since retirement!
So this is like
Falling back into a cesspool of negativity.

Giving my power up
To a force that is so beyond unpleasant.
A Man that is so beyond having a conscious..
Oh hell, there I go judging again...

How do I just leave it all alone &
Live in harmony
with myself,
with my lover,
& with her younger (47) son

God help me!
I immediately think
of so many
names I want to call him...
I gotta figure out how to just give it up.

He's not changing.
He's still here (day 7)
D (& everybody else) LOVES him
How do I forgive the past
(Everybody else has)
And love him too?

I'm the one who has to change.

I'm still feeling the rage
of my last entry.

Let me just
Give it up.
This is my prayer.

But how?

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