I am gaining weight. I am eating deserts, more to the point, ice cream & chocolate. Even worse, tons of it; once I start I can't stop. I have no fucking will power. I did so well in loosing 52lbs with Weight Watchers, but I find maintaining that is harder even than trying to loose. I have to get a grip & just stop. Shut my trap & eat only healthy foods. It gets so boring.
Here's the thing. My 2 flying partners are retiring at the end of this month when the last one turns 60. I can not afford to retire. I feel so envious, jealous, once again like a failure. I feel like all I do is fly my ass off, picking up extra trips for overtime trying to make ends meet. It's really hard. I try to be grateful that I have a job I like with people I love to work with (who are NOW leaving) & that I'm lucky! But with Doris already retired 2years, not getting an extra job & she has so much credit card debt & not enough income from social security & retirement- I'm knocking myself out trying to hold it together.
I am planning to hang in there for 2 more years until I'm 62 & can collect social security in order to suplement retirement & I know that 2 years will pass fast. But seeing the end so near for my friends, it just seems unending & so unfair.
On the positive side, there are still a LOT of great FA's to work with & I KNOW there will still be many happy times. Laughing is the thing that gets us thru these days & trips. I do see a light at the end of the tunnel.
So I gotta get a grip here & stop eating crap. Stop trying to stuff the feelings of anger & pain. I've done it before, I know I can do it again. I just have to DO IT. Addiction is so shameful. Esp if it's only food.