Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Had A Colonoscopy

OMG.
I had a colonoscopy today.
Good fucking grief, I can barely walk now.
Just had a 2 hr nap, so I'm feeling a little better.

The worst part was the prep work yesterday which was beyond gross.

You stop eating & take 4 ducolax pills at 1200 noon.
Drink a ton of water.
At 500p you drink 2 yucky bottles of magnesium citrate which is SO horrid. Just nasty.
Drink tons of more water.

There's just gotta be a better way. uck.

Anyway then you're up all night shitting your brains out every 15-20 minutes. No sleep.
You feel totally sick, dizzy & weak.

At 0630a the next morning, you drink one last bottle of citrate magnesium & drink another ton of water. Gawd.

Then NO MORE WATER after that.

It's just wicked.

Went to the surgery center at 1000a,
& soon I was on O2
& knocked out with an IV of sleep juice, ha!
Then next thing I knew I was waking up
in recovery
& it was over!
Thank the Lord.

I staggered out to Doris who stayed to drive me home,
but not before the Dr. told me everything was FINE!

He had found nothing at all (no cancer, no polyps, no diverticulitis etc.), gave me pictures of my beautiful, clean colon & said go home, have a hamburger, don't ever eat cheese (damn.) & don't drive. Come back in 5 years.

YEAAAAAAA!!!!!

THANK YOU JESUS!!!
Glory to God Goddess Universe!!!

I am so relieved.
I'm glad I did it, but even happier it's over.
Still out of it, going back to sleep.

'

5 comments:

eb said...

ROFLMAO. KMae you crack me up.

Don't eat cheese? Why can't you eat cheese? Glad you had a clean colon.

the only daughter said...

I'm with eb. This desccription was much better than anything on webmd. :-)

My doc told me on my last appointment...1 more year and it'll be my turn.

Maria said...

Ugh. I had my first colonoscopy when i turned 50 last year. I swear, drinking that stuff was like drinking liquid snot. I get nauseated just thinking about it.There has GOT to be a better way.

KMae said...

Maria-Yeah like RANCID liquid snot.

Deborah-glad you got thru the description, now good luck Next year getting thru the torture!!

eb-Glad you got a chuckle...
and cheese screws up your colestral, veins, & sticks in your intestines & makes you fART along with milk & other dairy... ha!

PixieFlute said...

Glad you got good results.

I can't ever imagine not eating cheese!