Thursday, October 25, 2007

October 24, 1968

Oct 24th I start my 40th year of flying.  So 39 years ago I was 21yrs old, just stepping out of a cab onto 14th st/ 5th av ready & chomping at the bit to start my new Stewardess career in NYC!  There were 8 of us moving into that 2 bdrm apt near Union Square, but the more the merrier at that age.  Besides, we wouldn't all be there at the same time zooming all over creation on our exciting adventures... at least that's what we thought in the beginning.  That got old fast & within a year 5 of us moved across the street to another 2 bedrm better apt.  Then soon one got married, one got fired for sleeping too late & missing 3 sign-ins, & two got fired for shoplifting at Macy's in SFO on a layover.  That was a shock. 

After that I became like a dorm mother renting to NYU college film students (girls of course) until I finally moved out & then in with this fucker Charlie whom I thought was the most wonderful man in the world.  Lived with him for 6 yrs weaving in & out of jealous rages when he wanted other women, then really had to face that I had always wanted women, too. 

Went thru a group of lovelies over the next few years until I found Doris, ran after her till she caught me & have stayed for 26 years now.  Usually I feel lucky & blessed to be with the gorgeous woman of my dreams.  Now & then I feel like we're both nuts to keep trying to make it work.  It's never easy, except for the times it is wonderful which then I wonder why I ever worry.  One thing for sure, when I am away on a flight I miss her madly & feel a serious need to hear her sweet voice.  She is my other half & I would be miserable with out her.

So here I am, 39 yrs after hitting the East coast, now in NJ looking back over all the growing pains - the good times along with the bad...  How in the hell is it that at 60 yrs old I am still going thru more growing pains?  Like doesn't it ever end??? 

I'm still out of control with food.  Chocolate...  Loving it too much to stop gorging.  damn.  Here I think I seriously need anti-depressants, but what a surprise after years of not touching chocolate to be reminded of what glorious mood altering seems to happen in my psyche - how happy I suddenly feel once I start chomping away on stacks of huge Hershey bars - actually any chocolate will do... only to over & over again realize that I simply CAN NOT STOP until I run out.  Like ANY drug or addiction, it's all I think about throughout the day, just waiting for the night to settle in so I can curl up on the couch downstairs after D is asleep & gorge to my content.   sigh. 

Obviously I'm getting fat again.  It's like I don't care anymore.  Except I do.  I liked the way I looked in the size 8's alot better than how I now look in size 14/16's again.  fuck.  Went to WW today & just cried.  My leader said Kathy you can do it.  I know I can, I've done it before.  I just have to get back to wanting to.  Very hard to give up all the crap for healthy food.  damn it. 

Well, flying out to lax tomorrow again.  The fires are so frightening from the air.  Bright orange flames from Malibu all the way to San Diego.  It's horrible.  Compared to those poor people I have no problems, & no good reason to whine or complain.


tinaslaw said...

At this point I just want to fit back into a 14 lol

You can do this, I know ya can.  SOMEONE has to. LOL

I haven't seen size 8 since 8th grade. LOL


jabzz1965 said...

Hey K!

Gosh I've missed you! Time flies and I think what you do is amazing....lord knows I couldn't do it. I cannot believe sometimes, how the years go by and here I am approaching middle age. I used to be the young one! But I wouldn't go back, that is for sure. There is nothing wrong with being wishy washy sometimes about your relationship. There are many times I think Cindy is just crazy to put up with me and my array of shit. Not to mention Brittany's special array of BS. But then I think damn she must really love me to stick around!

Hang in there toots!!!

dghtronly said...

Congrats on the milestone--WoW!!!

You'll get back to where you --know-- you want to be. I *know* you will!!!

You be careful out there.

sassyfemmect said...

Congrats on 40 years.  That's just amazing!

I guess you still have growing pains because you're not stagnant, which can be a good thing.  

On the food thing... what if you just got the Hershey mini's and allotted yourself a few a day?  Or, what if you didn't wait all day to have it, but just had a little chocolate with your lunch, or mid-afternoon?  Maybe by evening you wouldn't be totally craving it?

onetoughcookie43 said...

I am RC and came across your journal through a friend. Congratulations on a milestone and try not to stress to much about the rest. I look forward to other entries.

val41221 said...

Hey Kathy,
You have really accomplished something - - a career of 40 years!  That's great.  

I think that Sassy's suggestion is the best... i, too, was an all or nothing kind of eater and let me tell you that moderation is the key.  Not to remove the food all together, but to not eat the whole box at one sitting!  You can do this.  It's a matter of finding other things to do and not focus so much on food.

Hang in there...

dghtronly said...

Miss your wisdom & your humor. Wishing you and yours a happy holiday. :)