Oct 24th I start my 40th year of flying. So 39 years ago I was 21yrs old, just stepping out of a cab onto 14th st/ 5th av ready & chomping at the bit to start my new Stewardess career in NYC! There were 8 of us moving into that 2 bdrm apt near Union Square, but the more the merrier at that age. Besides, we wouldn't all be there at the same time zooming all over creation on our exciting adventures... at least that's what we thought in the beginning. That got old fast & within a year 5 of us moved across the street to another 2 bedrm better apt. Then soon one got married, one got fired for sleeping too late & missing 3 sign-ins, & two got fired for shoplifting at Macy's in SFO on a layover. That was a shock.
After that I became like a dorm mother renting to NYU college film students (girls of course) until I finally moved out & then in with this fucker Charlie whom I thought was the most wonderful man in the world. Lived with him for 6 yrs weaving in & out of jealous rages when he wanted other women, then really had to face that I had always wanted women, too.
Went thru a group of lovelies over the next few years until I found Doris, ran after her till she caught me & have stayed for 26 years now. Usually I feel lucky & blessed to be with the gorgeous woman of my dreams. Now & then I feel like we're both nuts to keep trying to make it work. It's never easy, except for the times it is wonderful which then I wonder why I ever worry. One thing for sure, when I am away on a flight I miss her madly & feel a serious need to hear her sweet voice. She is my other half & I would be miserable with out her.
So here I am, 39 yrs after hitting the East coast, now in NJ looking back over all the growing pains - the good times along with the bad... How in the hell is it that at 60 yrs old I am still going thru more growing pains? Like doesn't it ever end???
I'm still out of control with food. Chocolate... Loving it too much to stop gorging. damn. Here I think I seriously need anti-depressants, but what a surprise after years of not touching chocolate to be reminded of what glorious mood altering seems to happen in my psyche - how happy I suddenly feel once I start chomping away on stacks of huge Hershey bars - actually any chocolate will do... only to over & over again realize that I simply CAN NOT STOP until I run out. Like ANY drug or addiction, it's all I think about throughout the day, just waiting for the night to settle in so I can curl up on the couch downstairs after D is asleep & gorge to my content. sigh.
Obviously I'm getting fat again. It's like I don't care anymore. Except I do. I liked the way I looked in the size 8's alot better than how I now look in size 14/16's again. fuck. Went to WW today & just cried. My leader said Kathy you can do it. I know I can, I've done it before. I just have to get back to wanting to. Very hard to give up all the crap for healthy food. damn it.
Well, flying out to lax tomorrow again. The fires are so frightening from the air. Bright orange flames from Malibu all the way to San Diego. It's horrible. Compared to those poor people I have no problems, & no good reason to whine or complain.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Friday, October 05, 2007
Still Gaining Weight Back
Well, I've gained back up to 20 lbs now..probably. Didn't get on the fucking scale at WW tonight because I snuck in so I wouldn't have to pay.
I've conqered the damn ICE CREAM habit (the cooler weather has helped,) but now I've marched on full throtle to the dreaded CHOCOLATE jones. Those hot, fresh baked chocolate chip cookies we cook onboard have suddenly become impossible to resist.
I actually went out & BOUGHT Milky Ways & Hershey Bars last night & today, then ate them on the sly in the car. Real addict behavior. Maybe I'd better just get my ass to an AA meeting, because if I'm spiriling out of control with food/sugar/chocolate it could surely be a red flag that more addictions are coming.... Of course all this fucking Halloween candy on sale everywhere doesn't help.
Whatever, it's all excuses. waaa, waaa, waaa... What a fucking pathetic baby I turn into with addict behavior, so unlike my regular strong, stable bitchwoman I usually bring to the forefront & present to the world. I guess I've lost it inside of the big, mooshy beachball I feel in my lap when I bend over to TIE MY SNEAKERS. It's really obvious, (I've had to put back on my old fat pants at work) & my gutt is so big again that it raises up the cuffs so it looks like I'm EXPECTING A DAMN FLOOD & you can see my whiteass ankles above my scuffed up navy blue clogs. Lovely. Just great. I'm just so purtty with my jowels (back again from the extra weight,) just a swingin' in the FUCKING BREEZE. shit. Oh! And did I mention that D & I have gotten into a bit of a McDONALDS habit of Big Macs, Fries & a med coke??? Other wise known as a #1 at the drive thru window? sigh. (ps: YUM! damn it.)
Well all this is boring, but I am writing it down to try to face it. And in the future when I DO finally get my stinkin' thinkin' under control I can look back & REFLECT upon what the hell happened because right now it's a bit of a blur. That's how it is when one reaches the spiriling down effect in the midst of acting out addictions. Shit Fuck Piss. Hate admitting this, I feel so much shame & it's painful. On the other hand, I still can function & go to work, can live, laugh & love. Okay. Forward ho!
I've conqered the damn ICE CREAM habit (the cooler weather has helped,) but now I've marched on full throtle to the dreaded CHOCOLATE jones. Those hot, fresh baked chocolate chip cookies we cook onboard have suddenly become impossible to resist.
I actually went out & BOUGHT Milky Ways & Hershey Bars last night & today, then ate them on the sly in the car. Real addict behavior. Maybe I'd better just get my ass to an AA meeting, because if I'm spiriling out of control with food/sugar/chocolate it could surely be a red flag that more addictions are coming.... Of course all this fucking Halloween candy on sale everywhere doesn't help.
Whatever, it's all excuses. waaa, waaa, waaa... What a fucking pathetic baby I turn into with addict behavior, so unlike my regular strong, stable bitchwoman I usually bring to the forefront & present to the world. I guess I've lost it inside of the big, mooshy beachball I feel in my lap when I bend over to TIE MY SNEAKERS. It's really obvious, (I've had to put back on my old fat pants at work) & my gutt is so big again that it raises up the cuffs so it looks like I'm EXPECTING A DAMN FLOOD & you can see my whiteass ankles above my scuffed up navy blue clogs. Lovely. Just great. I'm just so purtty with my jowels (back again from the extra weight,) just a swingin' in the FUCKING BREEZE. shit. Oh! And did I mention that D & I have gotten into a bit of a McDONALDS habit of Big Macs, Fries & a med coke??? Other wise known as a #1 at the drive thru window? sigh. (ps: YUM! damn it.)
Well all this is boring, but I am writing it down to try to face it. And in the future when I DO finally get my stinkin' thinkin' under control I can look back & REFLECT upon what the hell happened because right now it's a bit of a blur. That's how it is when one reaches the spiriling down effect in the midst of acting out addictions. Shit Fuck Piss. Hate admitting this, I feel so much shame & it's painful. On the other hand, I still can function & go to work, can live, laugh & love. Okay. Forward ho!
Monday, September 17, 2007
It's getting cold
Dang. It's COLD. I had to put on shoes & SOCKS this weekend, sandals made my feet feel like blocks of ice. I hate having to give up sandals. Doris didn't want to go to the shore, said it was too windy & cold down there. She was probably right but I still wanted to go, Oh well.
SO, we went to the movies. Saw The Brave One with Jodie Foster. WOW! That is one fine dyke! What a great flick. Loved it! What a great fantasy to just go around blowing assholes off the face of the earth.
Then saw The Borne Ultimatum with Matt Damon... Lots of action, but more Doris' style.
Then snuck into Super Bad, but D couldn't take even 5 minutes of it so we left. It was sorta lame.
Of course I ate the delicious butter popcorn! Dang, it smells so GOOD when you walk into the fricking theater, every time!
But I HAVE been off ICE CREAM for 5 days now. Oh the Jones, the yearning!! Gotta put it down. Miss it. Want it. But I got fat again.
It's official, I gained 15 lbs above my WW limit. And you know, it crept on so FAST; June, July, August. POW! Looking 4 mos pregnant here. Damn.
Note to self: Loosing 50lbs & looking great doesn't take away depression.
Here's the thing. I have to work 2 more years before I get to retire. I just do, but it makes me morose. Anyway.... I can go through 2 years & watch food & portions & stay relatively healthy... OR I can just say fuck it, like I did this summer, eat everything I want & look like a damn blob when I finally retire. hmmmm.
15 lbs isn't so much, though I can't imagine how long it will take to loose it this time. I don't like feeling "buttjiggle" when I run a short distance. I don't like feeling SO tired. Since it took a year to loose 50 lbs before, it seemed so slow that I never realized I felt better. Just 15 extra lbs & I definately feel like shit. (Of course it COULD have something to do with all that SUGAR (poison) I have ingested.) Not to mention, I feel 'weezy' when I lie down.
So time to get a grip.
okay.
FINE.
dammit.
Time to fly out.
bye.
SO, we went to the movies. Saw The Brave One with Jodie Foster. WOW! That is one fine dyke! What a great flick. Loved it! What a great fantasy to just go around blowing assholes off the face of the earth.
Then saw The Borne Ultimatum with Matt Damon... Lots of action, but more Doris' style.
Then snuck into Super Bad, but D couldn't take even 5 minutes of it so we left. It was sorta lame.
Of course I ate the delicious butter popcorn! Dang, it smells so GOOD when you walk into the fricking theater, every time!
But I HAVE been off ICE CREAM for 5 days now. Oh the Jones, the yearning!! Gotta put it down. Miss it. Want it. But I got fat again.
It's official, I gained 15 lbs above my WW limit. And you know, it crept on so FAST; June, July, August. POW! Looking 4 mos pregnant here. Damn.
Note to self: Loosing 50lbs & looking great doesn't take away depression.
Here's the thing. I have to work 2 more years before I get to retire. I just do, but it makes me morose. Anyway.... I can go through 2 years & watch food & portions & stay relatively healthy... OR I can just say fuck it, like I did this summer, eat everything I want & look like a damn blob when I finally retire. hmmmm.
15 lbs isn't so much, though I can't imagine how long it will take to loose it this time. I don't like feeling "buttjiggle" when I run a short distance. I don't like feeling SO tired. Since it took a year to loose 50 lbs before, it seemed so slow that I never realized I felt better. Just 15 extra lbs & I definately feel like shit. (Of course it COULD have something to do with all that SUGAR (poison) I have ingested.) Not to mention, I feel 'weezy' when I lie down.
So time to get a grip.
okay.
FINE.
dammit.
Time to fly out.
bye.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Last Day of August
I'm holding on to today with all my might, I can't stand to see August go. I LOVE SUMMER. And this has been the best summer even tho' I've been working so much. Doris & I have gone to the beach aLOT & we've spent the whole summer alone without children, grandchildren or family. YEA! Very special. The grandkids are older now & have their own lives to live, so that is wonderful! They are great kids, but it is just more romantic alone! I still dig the romance thing...
Also this summer I have been eating ice cream, cookies & BBQ!!! It has been so fun, honest to God I got so sick of just focusing on healthy food. Seriously, it's SO fucking boring. However, I've now gained around 15 lbs back (didnt get on the scale at WW yesterday, knew it would be bad.) So it's stupid I let myself go crazy with food, but it was fun I gotta admit. So okay September is a new month. Time to get a grip.
Also once the weather stops being so swealteringly hot & sunny, and our trips to the BEACH slow down, I'll be back into the blogs. I do miss reading everyone's journals & commenting, but there are so few hours away from work in the summertime!
Speaking of work, I gotta get ready to fly to LA. Bummer that it is a fri/sat trip, but it's the only way I could get Labor Day off. Doris is hoping her family will have a big end of summer bbq, she DOES miss spending time with them & even I think it would be fun. I had her for the whole summer, so now it's back to the family. Soon enough it will be Thanksgiving & Christmas (OH LORDIE!) & all the family gatherings. Sometimes you just need to get away from all the drama. It's been swell!
Summer's going, boo hoo hoo. Time for work.
See yas.
Also this summer I have been eating ice cream, cookies & BBQ!!! It has been so fun, honest to God I got so sick of just focusing on healthy food. Seriously, it's SO fucking boring. However, I've now gained around 15 lbs back (didnt get on the scale at WW yesterday, knew it would be bad.) So it's stupid I let myself go crazy with food, but it was fun I gotta admit. So okay September is a new month. Time to get a grip.
Also once the weather stops being so swealteringly hot & sunny, and our trips to the BEACH slow down, I'll be back into the blogs. I do miss reading everyone's journals & commenting, but there are so few hours away from work in the summertime!
Speaking of work, I gotta get ready to fly to LA. Bummer that it is a fri/sat trip, but it's the only way I could get Labor Day off. Doris is hoping her family will have a big end of summer bbq, she DOES miss spending time with them & even I think it would be fun. I had her for the whole summer, so now it's back to the family. Soon enough it will be Thanksgiving & Christmas (OH LORDIE!) & all the family gatherings. Sometimes you just need to get away from all the drama. It's been swell!
Summer's going, boo hoo hoo. Time for work.
See yas.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Summer is Zooming by
Oh my GOSH, almost a month since my last entry. Summer is zooming by, I can barely stand to think it will be over so soon. Flights are jammed packed & I am flying my butt off, making that overtime.
Just an observance: People are NUTS!
I've put on 10 lbs, just pissed I have to work so hard. I want ice cream, it's summer for Crise sake... Dammit. I'm sick of dieting, had to pay at WW for being over my max. But I still go. I must get a grip & I will. Soon I hope.
Been flying 2days on 1 day off, feel like I've been on a marry-g-round. Take that one day & go to the shore with Doris in the RV! So soothing there! love it! Love summer. Don't get around to blogging on my days off because I'm living life here! It's been great, no kids, grandkids or family, just Doris & I!!!!!
You KNOW that's my favorite type of life!!
My Baby & me!!!
oh YEAH!
Have 2 whole days off for a change, going to brunch at Perkins, then maybe back to the beach!! Nature is pure beauty!
Just an observance: People are NUTS!
I've put on 10 lbs, just pissed I have to work so hard. I want ice cream, it's summer for Crise sake... Dammit. I'm sick of dieting, had to pay at WW for being over my max. But I still go. I must get a grip & I will. Soon I hope.
Been flying 2days on 1 day off, feel like I've been on a marry-g-round. Take that one day & go to the shore with Doris in the RV! So soothing there! love it! Love summer. Don't get around to blogging on my days off because I'm living life here! It's been great, no kids, grandkids or family, just Doris & I!!!!!
You KNOW that's my favorite type of life!!
My Baby & me!!!
oh YEAH!
Have 2 whole days off for a change, going to brunch at Perkins, then maybe back to the beach!! Nature is pure beauty!
Thursday, July 26, 2007
7/17/07
Miracles are always abundant, I just have to slow down to notice sometimes. It also helps to appreciate where I am & what I do have today as opposed to what I want & where I think I should be.
I have never been good with patience. One would think that I had practiced it enough in 60 yrs of life. I guess the problem is "practice" is just not one of my life habits... Except by way of the result of "practicing impatience" just never really works, trying to push for faster reality to hurry up & be the way I want instead of letting go & accepting how it is until the change has suddenly occured while I was living life one day at a time. So simple, really. But I make it hard for myself by forgetting that.
I just want "it all" now... You know, everything. I want everything NOW & by God I think I deserve to have it all by now. Hmmmm. Well that's just not my fate's agenda, I still have much work to do, more lessons to go thru & a ton more to learn. sigh. Damn. Does it ever get easier? Probably not.
Well it DOES, I just tend to forget how hard/bad things really used to be back in my youth. I'm rambling so I'll stop now & get on with what I meant to write about.
On 7/17th Doris & I celebrated 26 years! It was a beautiful day complete with sleeping in, flowers, balloons, mushy meaningful cards, small, matching gold rose necklaces (rather erotic) & a day at the shore with our RV! It was wonderful & so relaxing - just what I needed after a trip of grueling flying & having to fly out again the next day.
We talked about how lucky we are to have found each other 26 yrs ago & how many changes we have gone thru, noting how much has still stayed the same. I waded thru the water along the beach & felt renewed. It was too cold to go into the waves even though the sun was shining high in a deep blue sky of wafting clouds. Doris sat up on the boardwalk in our blue canvas chairs with the built in sun canopys peering thru her binoculars.
These 'mini vacations' are regenerating & the peace of the Ocean so calming. I love my sweet, beautiful Doris more than anything or anyone. I am so happy to be blessed with 26 years together! I am such a lucky woman.
And so is she.
I have never been good with patience. One would think that I had practiced it enough in 60 yrs of life. I guess the problem is "practice" is just not one of my life habits... Except by way of the result of "practicing impatience" just never really works, trying to push for faster reality to hurry up & be the way I want instead of letting go & accepting how it is until the change has suddenly occured while I was living life one day at a time. So simple, really. But I make it hard for myself by forgetting that.
I just want "it all" now... You know, everything. I want everything NOW & by God I think I deserve to have it all by now. Hmmmm. Well that's just not my fate's agenda, I still have much work to do, more lessons to go thru & a ton more to learn. sigh. Damn. Does it ever get easier? Probably not.
Well it DOES, I just tend to forget how hard/bad things really used to be back in my youth. I'm rambling so I'll stop now & get on with what I meant to write about.
On 7/17th Doris & I celebrated 26 years! It was a beautiful day complete with sleeping in, flowers, balloons, mushy meaningful cards, small, matching gold rose necklaces (rather erotic) & a day at the shore with our RV! It was wonderful & so relaxing - just what I needed after a trip of grueling flying & having to fly out again the next day.
We talked about how lucky we are to have found each other 26 yrs ago & how many changes we have gone thru, noting how much has still stayed the same. I waded thru the water along the beach & felt renewed. It was too cold to go into the waves even though the sun was shining high in a deep blue sky of wafting clouds. Doris sat up on the boardwalk in our blue canvas chairs with the built in sun canopys peering thru her binoculars.
These 'mini vacations' are regenerating & the peace of the Ocean so calming. I love my sweet, beautiful Doris more than anything or anyone. I am so happy to be blessed with 26 years together! I am such a lucky woman.
And so is she.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
2 Weeks Later
Good grief, it's been 2 weeks since my last entry. I've flown 3 trips since my buddie's last retirement trip, which was bitter sweet. I think I'm REALLY ANGRY & I feel left behind somehow.
Of course, it's my own damn fault (well, & Doris' fault too) that my financial situation is basically fucked & I have to keep working. Mainly really Doris' fault. My credit card bills are not insurmountable, I can pay them (there are only 3) slowly. D's, well forget it. Don't really see a light at the end of that tunnel. We just don't answer the phone when creditors call.
Our 26 yr anniversary is coming up fast & I had wanted to get legally hitched on that date, but am too afraid I shall then be responsible for her bills if something should happen to her. For sure they could take the house as both our names are on the deed whether we get civilized or not. It's sad.
I have been eating again, shoving down feelings with food, but AT LEAST I have not gone back to chocolate, ice cream, cookies & sugar. Am doing carbs, bread & too big portions. I shall stop this too. Dammit. And I gotta start exercising again, but it's too swelteringly hot, plus I'm cranky & tired.
Okay now you see why I haven't written. bitch bitch bitch. sigh.
I flew back last night with huge, long gate holds & delays due to weather & got in around 0300a. I'll be better when I get more sleep. Also I'm going to WW tonight even tho' I KNOW I'll be over my weight limit & therefore have to pay for the meeting. Whatever. Life goes on.
Okay, WW went okay, great in fact.. I lost .8 of a lb. YEA! that's almost a lb. phew! Didn't have to pay after all! Well, I'm in a better mood, now!
Of course, it's my own damn fault (well, & Doris' fault too) that my financial situation is basically fucked & I have to keep working. Mainly really Doris' fault. My credit card bills are not insurmountable, I can pay them (there are only 3) slowly. D's, well forget it. Don't really see a light at the end of that tunnel. We just don't answer the phone when creditors call.
Our 26 yr anniversary is coming up fast & I had wanted to get legally hitched on that date, but am too afraid I shall then be responsible for her bills if something should happen to her. For sure they could take the house as both our names are on the deed whether we get civilized or not. It's sad.
I have been eating again, shoving down feelings with food, but AT LEAST I have not gone back to chocolate, ice cream, cookies & sugar. Am doing carbs, bread & too big portions. I shall stop this too. Dammit. And I gotta start exercising again, but it's too swelteringly hot, plus I'm cranky & tired.
Okay now you see why I haven't written. bitch bitch bitch. sigh.
I flew back last night with huge, long gate holds & delays due to weather & got in around 0300a. I'll be better when I get more sleep. Also I'm going to WW tonight even tho' I KNOW I'll be over my weight limit & therefore have to pay for the meeting. Whatever. Life goes on.
Okay, WW went okay, great in fact.. I lost .8 of a lb. YEA! that's almost a lb. phew! Didn't have to pay after all! Well, I'm in a better mood, now!
Friday, June 29, 2007
Last Trip With Parilyn (Pam & Marilyn)
Okay, I've been off chocolate, ice cream, cookies & candy for a week. I do feel better (damn, that shit makes me dull & stupid...) but I only lost .2 of a lb at Weight Watchers weigh in yesterday. Well, I was happy that at least I lost SOMEthing AND I got off the junk. Man, sugar is SUCH a drug. I want it. At least I got a bit of a grip back, & well, practice makes perfect.
Tomorrow is the last flight I'll be taking with my flying partners that I triple buddy bid with. It's bitter sweet. I sure will miss those crazy bitches! I'm dreading saying goodbye on sat night when we land back at Newark. They won't let anyone give them a party, but I know some Flight Attendants have put up a banner for them in operations & 2 journals are being passed around for all to write comments & their fond farewells. I bought Pam a ton of dark chocolate (she's a chocoholic!) I bought Marilyn a ton of red wine (she's a ..well, nevermind.. she thinks we don't know.) Of course, I got funny cards. This is going to be really hard. Maybe I'll be better after they're gone & all this is over with. But I still sure feel sorry for myself that I can't join them, ESP since I'm a year plus senior to them both.
WhatEVER......
Since I last wrote, 2 of Doris' grandsons have graduated High School. I was in town for only one of their commencements, but I cried when I saw him marching into the auditorium in his blue robe & tossel cap. Of course I took a ton of pictures. I was SO proud & it is aways such a miracle!
I remember back when I graduated high school, wow. You never again feel that happy or brilliant EVER! It's such a wonderful time. So sad to loose that sweetness & naivete. And that feeling that the world is your oyster! Well, actually being naive wasn't so great. But I sure as hell am not that sweet anymore.
Tomorrow is the last flight I'll be taking with my flying partners that I triple buddy bid with. It's bitter sweet. I sure will miss those crazy bitches! I'm dreading saying goodbye on sat night when we land back at Newark. They won't let anyone give them a party, but I know some Flight Attendants have put up a banner for them in operations & 2 journals are being passed around for all to write comments & their fond farewells. I bought Pam a ton of dark chocolate (she's a chocoholic!) I bought Marilyn a ton of red wine (she's a ..well, nevermind.. she thinks we don't know.) Of course, I got funny cards. This is going to be really hard. Maybe I'll be better after they're gone & all this is over with. But I still sure feel sorry for myself that I can't join them, ESP since I'm a year plus senior to them both.
WhatEVER......
Since I last wrote, 2 of Doris' grandsons have graduated High School. I was in town for only one of their commencements, but I cried when I saw him marching into the auditorium in his blue robe & tossel cap. Of course I took a ton of pictures. I was SO proud & it is aways such a miracle!
I remember back when I graduated high school, wow. You never again feel that happy or brilliant EVER! It's such a wonderful time. So sad to loose that sweetness & naivete. And that feeling that the world is your oyster! Well, actually being naive wasn't so great. But I sure as hell am not that sweet anymore.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Out Of Control
I am gaining weight. I am eating deserts, more to the point, ice cream & chocolate. Even worse, tons of it; once I start I can't stop. I have no fucking will power. I did so well in loosing 52lbs with Weight Watchers, but I find maintaining that is harder even than trying to loose. I have to get a grip & just stop. Shut my trap & eat only healthy foods. It gets so boring.
Here's the thing. My 2 flying partners are retiring at the end of this month when the last one turns 60. I can not afford to retire. I feel so envious, jealous, once again like a failure. I feel like all I do is fly my ass off, picking up extra trips for overtime trying to make ends meet. It's really hard. I try to be grateful that I have a job I like with people I love to work with (who are NOW leaving) & that I'm lucky! But with Doris already retired 2years, not getting an extra job & she has so much credit card debt & not enough income from social security & retirement- I'm knocking myself out trying to hold it together.
I am planning to hang in there for 2 more years until I'm 62 & can collect social security in order to suplement retirement & I know that 2 years will pass fast. But seeing the end so near for my friends, it just seems unending & so unfair.
On the positive side, there are still a LOT of great FA's to work with & I KNOW there will still be many happy times. Laughing is the thing that gets us thru these days & trips. I do see a light at the end of the tunnel.
So I gotta get a grip here & stop eating crap. Stop trying to stuff the feelings of anger & pain. I've done it before, I know I can do it again. I just have to DO IT. Addiction is so shameful. Esp if it's only food.
Here's the thing. My 2 flying partners are retiring at the end of this month when the last one turns 60. I can not afford to retire. I feel so envious, jealous, once again like a failure. I feel like all I do is fly my ass off, picking up extra trips for overtime trying to make ends meet. It's really hard. I try to be grateful that I have a job I like with people I love to work with (who are NOW leaving) & that I'm lucky! But with Doris already retired 2years, not getting an extra job & she has so much credit card debt & not enough income from social security & retirement- I'm knocking myself out trying to hold it together.
I am planning to hang in there for 2 more years until I'm 62 & can collect social security in order to suplement retirement & I know that 2 years will pass fast. But seeing the end so near for my friends, it just seems unending & so unfair.
On the positive side, there are still a LOT of great FA's to work with & I KNOW there will still be many happy times. Laughing is the thing that gets us thru these days & trips. I do see a light at the end of the tunnel.
So I gotta get a grip here & stop eating crap. Stop trying to stuff the feelings of anger & pain. I've done it before, I know I can do it again. I just have to DO IT. Addiction is so shameful. Esp if it's only food.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
The Tony's
I was watching the Tony Awards tonight & when it started "A Chorus Line" was singing & dancing! I started crying, singing along. I always feel like SUCH a FAILURE since that is why I became a Stewardess in 68 - to get to NYC, study jazz ballet with Luigi & do Broadway chorus. That was my huge goal in life.
As it is, I still struggle to survive all the bad choices I made during my youth, thru out my life. And unfortunately SEX, DRUGS & DISCO took my eyes off the prize & I've been dealing with the result of addictions since I finally faced them starting 27yrs ago.
When I tearfully said to Doris "I'm such a Failure..." during one of the show's musical numbers, she said Don't feel bad Kathy, God's been VERY good to you.
She's right. Case closed.
Not to mention, Doris fell down the steps about 0500am last night & we're SO LUCKY she didn't break anything & seems to be okay! Phew! Thank you God.
Scared me to death.
As far as Tony Soprano tonight - WTF???
shish.
As it is, I still struggle to survive all the bad choices I made during my youth, thru out my life. And unfortunately SEX, DRUGS & DISCO took my eyes off the prize & I've been dealing with the result of addictions since I finally faced them starting 27yrs ago.
When I tearfully said to Doris "I'm such a Failure..." during one of the show's musical numbers, she said Don't feel bad Kathy, God's been VERY good to you.
She's right. Case closed.
Not to mention, Doris fell down the steps about 0500am last night & we're SO LUCKY she didn't break anything & seems to be okay! Phew! Thank you God.
Scared me to death.
As far as Tony Soprano tonight - WTF???
shish.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Char Margolis
I had a famous Psychic on a flight, Char !
She was so nice, sweet & very high energy with a beautiful, warm smile. She asked me if my mother's name was Ruth. I said yes. Does she know I'm sorry? The lady sitting next to her said yes, all mother's know that about their children. Char was quiet then said NO! SHE's the one who's sorry. You have nothing to feel sorry about. She was very unhappy & made your life miserable. (tears started falling from my eyes.) She was vain & self centered & so narcissistic. She is VERY sorry. I said she was very mean. Then thank you So MUCH, is she okay? Char nodded yes & said she's okay, but she's about here, (& she held her had below her face) she's working her way up here (& she held her hand above her head.) She's working it off. My makeup was getting really messed up from my tears, I said THANK you & walked 3 rows up into the galley to blot my face. She got up & came by touching my arm saying are you all right? I said yes, thank you I am so grateful! She said frowning & shaking her head, your mother was really terrible I'm so sorry you had such a childhood & went towards the lav. I smiled & said she was difficult.
It was ALL SO COOL! I felt SO validated. I Knew I wasn't crazy, people used to act as if I was so wrong when I became jubilent when she died. It was a good closure. I am SO LUCKY she gave me that reading!
She was so nice, sweet & very high energy with a beautiful, warm smile. She asked me if my mother's name was Ruth. I said yes. Does she know I'm sorry? The lady sitting next to her said yes, all mother's know that about their children. Char was quiet then said NO! SHE's the one who's sorry. You have nothing to feel sorry about. She was very unhappy & made your life miserable. (tears started falling from my eyes.) She was vain & self centered & so narcissistic. She is VERY sorry. I said she was very mean. Then thank you So MUCH, is she okay? Char nodded yes & said she's okay, but she's about here, (& she held her had below her face) she's working her way up here (& she held her hand above her head.) She's working it off. My makeup was getting really messed up from my tears, I said THANK you & walked 3 rows up into the galley to blot my face. She got up & came by touching my arm saying are you all right? I said yes, thank you I am so grateful! She said frowning & shaking her head, your mother was really terrible I'm so sorry you had such a childhood & went towards the lav. I smiled & said she was difficult.
It was ALL SO COOL! I felt SO validated. I Knew I wasn't crazy, people used to act as if I was so wrong when I became jubilent when she died. It was a good closure. I am SO LUCKY she gave me that reading!
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Birthday Update
I flew 8 out of 9 days just to get 6 days off for my 60th Birthday! Note to self: DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!!! I was pooped. I drug myself into my car in the employee's parking lot & began the long schlep home during rush hour, These early sign-ins all but killed me this month. Getting up at 0430 each morning sucked! Luckily we got the later trip back next month.
As I rounded the corner of my street & drove up to the house, Doris had balloons all over the place & flowers everywhere. She had the RV in the driveway with the doors open, a "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" banner draped across it & flowers inside with a balloon tied to the middle door! A happy birthday table cloth cover the side patio table with balloons & flowers. A Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday banner was strung across the garage with balloons flying in the breeze of the back yard table & Doris was standing there waiting for me!! I was SO tHRILLED! I forgot all my troubles from the plane & began celebrating my birthday weekend! The weather was SO beautiful & I felt special.
The next day 5/23 (Daddy's birthday!) went to Sears & bought a big Diehard battery for the van. Then drove to Derricks to give him a birthday card & a $100 bill. (Doris' oldest child is 48 now!) He had redone the electricity & wiring when I was flying. Now he put in freon for the air conditioning. We then went to a few stores & get some groceries, as we were planning to go to the Poconos the next day for my birthday!
Well the Van wouldn't start & when it finally did, we went straight to Sears to replace the new battery. Then home where she cooked dinner! Afterward, when I went to gas up the van & get ice, the damn battery was dead again. Doris guessed it was the Altinator. The next day we went to find Derrick & low & behold he & his family was moving, so we helped him. He would come to our house to put it in the next morning. We went to get him the next morning, but he had gone to get a truck with Will in South Jersey. They would drive to our house on the way back in 45 min. They didnt get there till 500p. Tried to buy the car part, but it had to be ordered & would come in the next day. Derrick would come the next morning & fix the motor.
If all this sounds bad, it was. But I just went with the flow & felt grateful just to have the time off... not to mention Derrick is so great a fixing cars! The only time I lost my cool was when we had to go meet Davion to give him money for his prom that night on my birthday. Doris even told him she'd drive him there that night if he couldnt find a ride. (He had wanted her to rent a limo for him but she didnt have the money. Thank God... But when she said she'd drive him I went ballistic saying that is my birthday night...) The next day when we met him, he'd found a ride with a friend so I needent have gotten crazy.
Even though nothing was working out the way I had imagined, I was still groovin' on my birthday. I didn't worry, I stayed cool, I just enjoyed being with Doris. We ate at all our favorite restaurants! It was wonderful to have 6 days off in fabulous weather. My flying partners had sent me a huge box by FedEx, inside was a huge bag with 60 small presents each individually wrapped in bright colored tissue papers & bows, fabulous cards, a $60 Appleby's card & one left a halarious Happy Birthday song message on the answering machine! Outrageous! Others called & emailed! Doris' cards were beautiful & touching!
Finally, the 5th day the altenator was fixed! We hi-tailed it to the Beach! To Ocean Grove, our favorite! It was SO fun! We were both so thrilled to be in our RV at the beach! You know there is nothing better than driving around with a toilet & a bed! We went to Nagels & had dinner, then back to our little home on wheels read the newspaper, relaxed on the bed & gazed at the ocean & the people! Went home that night & drove to NYC the next day & had hot dogs on 8th St. Came back home & had Barbecue out back. I had eaten so much all week. I could barely zip my pants up the next day to go back to work.
I am 60 now. I haven't been this happy in a long time.
As I rounded the corner of my street & drove up to the house, Doris had balloons all over the place & flowers everywhere. She had the RV in the driveway with the doors open, a "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" banner draped across it & flowers inside with a balloon tied to the middle door! A happy birthday table cloth cover the side patio table with balloons & flowers. A Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday banner was strung across the garage with balloons flying in the breeze of the back yard table & Doris was standing there waiting for me!! I was SO tHRILLED! I forgot all my troubles from the plane & began celebrating my birthday weekend! The weather was SO beautiful & I felt special.
The next day 5/23 (Daddy's birthday!) went to Sears & bought a big Diehard battery for the van. Then drove to Derricks to give him a birthday card & a $100 bill. (Doris' oldest child is 48 now!) He had redone the electricity & wiring when I was flying. Now he put in freon for the air conditioning. We then went to a few stores & get some groceries, as we were planning to go to the Poconos the next day for my birthday!
Well the Van wouldn't start & when it finally did, we went straight to Sears to replace the new battery. Then home where she cooked dinner! Afterward, when I went to gas up the van & get ice, the damn battery was dead again. Doris guessed it was the Altinator. The next day we went to find Derrick & low & behold he & his family was moving, so we helped him. He would come to our house to put it in the next morning. We went to get him the next morning, but he had gone to get a truck with Will in South Jersey. They would drive to our house on the way back in 45 min. They didnt get there till 500p. Tried to buy the car part, but it had to be ordered & would come in the next day. Derrick would come the next morning & fix the motor.
If all this sounds bad, it was. But I just went with the flow & felt grateful just to have the time off... not to mention Derrick is so great a fixing cars! The only time I lost my cool was when we had to go meet Davion to give him money for his prom that night on my birthday. Doris even told him she'd drive him there that night if he couldnt find a ride. (He had wanted her to rent a limo for him but she didnt have the money. Thank God... But when she said she'd drive him I went ballistic saying that is my birthday night...) The next day when we met him, he'd found a ride with a friend so I needent have gotten crazy.
Even though nothing was working out the way I had imagined, I was still groovin' on my birthday. I didn't worry, I stayed cool, I just enjoyed being with Doris. We ate at all our favorite restaurants! It was wonderful to have 6 days off in fabulous weather. My flying partners had sent me a huge box by FedEx, inside was a huge bag with 60 small presents each individually wrapped in bright colored tissue papers & bows, fabulous cards, a $60 Appleby's card & one left a halarious Happy Birthday song message on the answering machine! Outrageous! Others called & emailed! Doris' cards were beautiful & touching!
Finally, the 5th day the altenator was fixed! We hi-tailed it to the Beach! To Ocean Grove, our favorite! It was SO fun! We were both so thrilled to be in our RV at the beach! You know there is nothing better than driving around with a toilet & a bed! We went to Nagels & had dinner, then back to our little home on wheels read the newspaper, relaxed on the bed & gazed at the ocean & the people! Went home that night & drove to NYC the next day & had hot dogs on 8th St. Came back home & had Barbecue out back. I had eaten so much all week. I could barely zip my pants up the next day to go back to work.
I am 60 now. I haven't been this happy in a long time.
On Turning 60
So far 60 is GREAT!!! It's been 7 days now, haha!
Seriously, the 50's did NOT thrill me.
It was too chock full of shocking body changes, hot flashes, weight gain & no energy.
It was one year into the next of frickin' issues & stress, trying to hang on to status quo & convince myself that attempting to age gracefully wasn't the biggest crock of bull pookie Madison Ave ever tried to shove up our (un)consciousness.
Now with that decade of frenzie & panic,
(all the while telling myself to remain calm & not to scream from the fright of settling reality,
not to mention those woefully painful glances into the f%@king mirror (lest somebody commit me to the nearset asylum for agravated acute screaching banshee syndrome) under my (ever expanding) belt...
I feel that I can now roll peacfully & happily into 60 with a sigh of relief!
Phew!
Altho' most women this age have been able to retire I shall try to patiently wait for 2 more years & enjoy the time left with many Flight Attendants I do love working with.
I am grateful Doris & I are still in good health,
not to mention Fine Silver Foxes entering our "Act III" with a vengeance & suvivor's victory!
Pass the next issue of AARP, fire up the RV & we'll drive into the sunset of our next adventures! (With maybe a few naps here & there. Ha!)
All in all, I am so happy!
The 60's were really good back when we were living through them into the 1970's...
I have a feeling being 60 is going to be GREAT as well!!
Seriously, the 50's did NOT thrill me.
It was too chock full of shocking body changes, hot flashes, weight gain & no energy.
It was one year into the next of frickin' issues & stress, trying to hang on to status quo & convince myself that attempting to age gracefully wasn't the biggest crock of bull pookie Madison Ave ever tried to shove up our (un)consciousness.
Now with that decade of frenzie & panic,
(all the while telling myself to remain calm & not to scream from the fright of settling reality,
not to mention those woefully painful glances into the f%@king mirror (lest somebody commit me to the nearset asylum for agravated acute screaching banshee syndrome) under my (ever expanding) belt...
I feel that I can now roll peacfully & happily into 60 with a sigh of relief!
Phew!
Altho' most women this age have been able to retire I shall try to patiently wait for 2 more years & enjoy the time left with many Flight Attendants I do love working with.
I am grateful Doris & I are still in good health,
not to mention Fine Silver Foxes entering our "Act III" with a vengeance & suvivor's victory!
Pass the next issue of AARP, fire up the RV & we'll drive into the sunset of our next adventures! (With maybe a few naps here & there. Ha!)
All in all, I am so happy!
The 60's were really good back when we were living through them into the 1970's...
I have a feeling being 60 is going to be GREAT as well!!
Sunday, May 13, 2007
An Early Birthday Present!
My birthday is coming up on thursday the 24th! 2 weeks ago we went to a RV show where there were so many beautiful, huge & expensive ($80thou-$300thousand) fabulous motorhomes. We always wanted one since camping with our vans back in the 80's. My Mother & her dipshit 2nd husband drove here to visit us when we bought our modest little house 12yrs ago in her brand new ROADTREK & they stayed in the driveway which was GOOD since there was no room inside. That was SUCH a wonderful & cool RV! I knew from the moment I stepped inside that I would make it my goal to have one.
So I was complaining to Doris while stepping down from one of a hundred TravelHomes that even the smaller ones were too big. I wanted one like my Mother's that you can just park in any parking spot, nothing giagantic or too wide. A woman stepping up into the same RV heard me & said, "We have an '89 ROADTREK we're selling for $5000 with 99,000 miles if you're interested!..."
I could hardly contain my excitement! I didn't have $5000, but I knew I could borrow from my credit union! When I f i n a l l y saw the RV I was real dissappointed... The stripes around the outside looked corroded & pale, & the toilet didn't have it's own bathroom with a sink, it was in a closet that you can hang a few clothes in, altho' when you open the door it goes across the aisle to the kitchenette side for privacy. And the dashboard was just plain metal.
BUT the double bed in the very back was good & makes into a table & booth if needed! The polished wood kitchenette in the middle has a sink with running water, 2 burners that run on butane, a microwave & half size refridgerator! (with the toilet/closet across.) Screens are on the windows, there are 2 captains chairs in front & 2 seats behind with a hole in the floor for a small round table to dine from! Best of all the upolstry (altho not as nice as my mother's) is PINK velour!!!!!!!! YAY, PINK!!! Doris said the engine was good (minor detail.) And it's only 19ft long.
Soooooooooo...... I bought it!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! What a good 60th birthday present to myself!
The credit union loan will take $250/mo from my paycheck which is hard since I'm barely making it from month to month. Perhaps I shall start sellinghouses again. I shall definately have to figure out something. I just knew that I would more than likely NOT find a ROADTREK for $5000 anywhere again!
Good thing I couldn't afford to retire, ha ha!
Doris has been working hard, cleaning it, spiffing it up while I was on my last trip & it looks GREAT!!! We are excitied! She hooked up a small 13in TV on the rotating TV table, covered the bed with a pink velour blanket & threw pink pillows around! I got new plates yesterday & I'm hoping to get the insurance card in time for a little trip on the days off coming up for May 24th! My favorite day of the year!
So I was complaining to Doris while stepping down from one of a hundred TravelHomes that even the smaller ones were too big. I wanted one like my Mother's that you can just park in any parking spot, nothing giagantic or too wide. A woman stepping up into the same RV heard me & said, "We have an '89 ROADTREK we're selling for $5000 with 99,000 miles if you're interested!..."
I could hardly contain my excitement! I didn't have $5000, but I knew I could borrow from my credit union! When I f i n a l l y saw the RV I was real dissappointed... The stripes around the outside looked corroded & pale, & the toilet didn't have it's own bathroom with a sink, it was in a closet that you can hang a few clothes in, altho' when you open the door it goes across the aisle to the kitchenette side for privacy. And the dashboard was just plain metal.
BUT the double bed in the very back was good & makes into a table & booth if needed! The polished wood kitchenette in the middle has a sink with running water, 2 burners that run on butane, a microwave & half size refridgerator! (with the toilet/closet across.) Screens are on the windows, there are 2 captains chairs in front & 2 seats behind with a hole in the floor for a small round table to dine from! Best of all the upolstry (altho not as nice as my mother's) is PINK velour!!!!!!!! YAY, PINK!!! Doris said the engine was good (minor detail.) And it's only 19ft long.
Soooooooooo...... I bought it!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! What a good 60th birthday present to myself!
The credit union loan will take $250/mo from my paycheck which is hard since I'm barely making it from month to month. Perhaps I shall start sellinghouses again. I shall definately have to figure out something. I just knew that I would more than likely NOT find a ROADTREK for $5000 anywhere again!
Good thing I couldn't afford to retire, ha ha!
Doris has been working hard, cleaning it, spiffing it up while I was on my last trip & it looks GREAT!!! We are excitied! She hooked up a small 13in TV on the rotating TV table, covered the bed with a pink velour blanket & threw pink pillows around! I got new plates yesterday & I'm hoping to get the insurance card in time for a little trip on the days off coming up for May 24th! My favorite day of the year!
Friday, May 04, 2007
Exhausted Again
Landed in turbulence yesterday that was SO bad it shook up my brains again. Seriously, that's how it feels - not to mention I was SO green, really thought I would throw up... so many psgrs were barfing on the floor, then throwing the blankets over it. Yuck, think about that next flight you complain you don't have a blanket in your seat!
I'm worried about work this month because they took away the late lax sign-ins at ewr, hence I have to fly the EARLY trips. Gotta get up at 0400a ea morning & I am realizing that I may well get sick because my resistance is compromised not getting enough rest. At any rate, that is just how it is for now so I have to find a way to deal with it! Because it has been over a year since I had to get up at the crack of dawn, it's unbearable. But perhaps I'll find a way to get used to it (NOT) since there is no other choice if I don't want to drive over the bridges 3hrs to JFK. Patience & practice, One day at a time here.
Because I had been on the sick list last month, my paycheck is L O W. I wish I made more money. Ah well, don't we all.
And I'm eating too much. What the hell is my damn problem, after loosing 52 lbs I am having a hard time maintaining it? It's hard to not feel sad I can't eat alot more, I feel deprived! Clearly I am missing something here.
Why does life always feel like such a struggle, waaa waaa waaaaaaaa.
Okay enough bitching & feeling sorry for myself. It's a beautiful day & I have 2 days off. I'm taking a nap.
I'll be more positive after some rest!
I'm worried about work this month because they took away the late lax sign-ins at ewr, hence I have to fly the EARLY trips. Gotta get up at 0400a ea morning & I am realizing that I may well get sick because my resistance is compromised not getting enough rest. At any rate, that is just how it is for now so I have to find a way to deal with it! Because it has been over a year since I had to get up at the crack of dawn, it's unbearable. But perhaps I'll find a way to get used to it (NOT) since there is no other choice if I don't want to drive over the bridges 3hrs to JFK. Patience & practice, One day at a time here.
Because I had been on the sick list last month, my paycheck is L O W. I wish I made more money. Ah well, don't we all.
And I'm eating too much. What the hell is my damn problem, after loosing 52 lbs I am having a hard time maintaining it? It's hard to not feel sad I can't eat alot more, I feel deprived! Clearly I am missing something here.
Why does life always feel like such a struggle, waaa waaa waaaaaaaa.
Okay enough bitching & feeling sorry for myself. It's a beautiful day & I have 2 days off. I'm taking a nap.
I'll be more positive after some rest!
Sunday, April 22, 2007
A Day To Dream
Oh what a Beautiful Sunday!
Sunshine & a warm breeze!
First, Doris went on a bus ride to Pa with the choir & wont be back till 10pm. I didn't have to go because I am too tired getting in so late last night. Well, I cOULD have gone, but I don't like the damn bus trips to sing at another church in another state. It takes the whole damn day. Thank God D didn't make me feel guilty. So I stayed in bed, read the Sunday papers & then went to this big victorian house for sale around the corner & just stayed there for 2 hrs checking it out & trying to figure out a way to get it. There's a lot there that would be great for Doris & I... but it's raggedy & broken down ,, so it's a big money pit. sigh. Plus we're broke. It's just so pretty on the outside. But the inside is shot. I think the lesson to learn here is to be grateful & happy with what you already have!
Now it's almost time for Desperate Housewives & The Sopranos!!! I LOVE TV!
BTW, I am no longer able to leave comments on blogger. I don't know why. It keeps telling me I put in the wrong password, but I don't. WTF?? I am reading all your blogs, but can no longer comment. Baffling. I don't get it.
Oh yeah, had Harry Hamlin on my flight the other night. My God, he is fucking handsome! And VERY polite. A nice man.
Sunshine & a warm breeze!
First, Doris went on a bus ride to Pa with the choir & wont be back till 10pm. I didn't have to go because I am too tired getting in so late last night. Well, I cOULD have gone, but I don't like the damn bus trips to sing at another church in another state. It takes the whole damn day. Thank God D didn't make me feel guilty. So I stayed in bed, read the Sunday papers & then went to this big victorian house for sale around the corner & just stayed there for 2 hrs checking it out & trying to figure out a way to get it. There's a lot there that would be great for Doris & I... but it's raggedy & broken down ,, so it's a big money pit. sigh. Plus we're broke. It's just so pretty on the outside. But the inside is shot. I think the lesson to learn here is to be grateful & happy with what you already have!
Now it's almost time for Desperate Housewives & The Sopranos!!! I LOVE TV!
BTW, I am no longer able to leave comments on blogger. I don't know why. It keeps telling me I put in the wrong password, but I don't. WTF?? I am reading all your blogs, but can no longer comment. Baffling. I don't get it.
Oh yeah, had Harry Hamlin on my flight the other night. My God, he is fucking handsome! And VERY polite. A nice man.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Feeling Fat Again
Just had 2 days off. It goes by so fast. On the last flight I popped the front button off my uniform pants. Luckily it didn't put out anyone's eye. Too much laying around for 3 weeks flipping channels, sleeping & no exercise. Damn. I HATE EXERCISE, but I've gained some weight back. So I got my sluggish butt back to Curves yesterday & today. And I am starting to track the food I'm eating again. Summer's almost here. Gotta get a grip.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Same Song Second Verse
That last trip didn't work out because of a mechanical. So I picked up another trip to Lax today.. which means I'll be flying 2 2day trips back to back... sat/sun then mon/tue.
Oh joy, oh rapture.
Talk at y'all in 4 days.
Oh joy, oh rapture.
Talk at y'all in 4 days.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
So Much For Rest!
Well, so much for rest & no stress...
Cleared the sick list mon night & am flying out tomorrow(thur)! I'm glad I'm better. But damn, I sure wish I could afford to retire - the time off was necessary.
I'm sure Doris is probably happy I'll be going back to work. Although, we managed to get along really well every minute for 3 weeks in a row - which was the best thing, I know it will be nice to have a hotel room to myself tomorrow night!
Last night I dreamed I missed my sign in & my supervisor called to wake me up. BOY was I relieved when I realized it was just a dream. phew! The STRESS is back already!
Cleared the sick list mon night & am flying out tomorrow(thur)! I'm glad I'm better. But damn, I sure wish I could afford to retire - the time off was necessary.
I'm sure Doris is probably happy I'll be going back to work. Although, we managed to get along really well every minute for 3 weeks in a row - which was the best thing, I know it will be nice to have a hotel room to myself tomorrow night!
Last night I dreamed I missed my sign in & my supervisor called to wake me up. BOY was I relieved when I realized it was just a dream. phew! The STRESS is back already!
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Another Week Off
So okay, here's the thing. It seem the virus has gone up into my ears, hence, the dizzyness & keeling over thing. Went back to the Dr & she said come back in a week. It's not terrible, but I obviously can't fly with the chance of being dizzy or falling. Meanwhile, it's really good to REST! I'm not worried because I am feeling better. And I am going to start weaning down on the dizzy meds.
Here is something to amuse you all, much to my chagrin. I am on this elist that is all my old Texas high school gang from the 60's. We email back & forth & chat about stuff that comes up in our lives & I enjoy that! My best friend Tina wrote me a long email & I was SO excited to hear from her that I didnt even notice that it was on the "gradslist," That's how out of it I've been. Well I wrote her a long letter from my ping pong stream of consciousness that contained stuff I should have kept private-just between the 2 of us (thought I was doing that,) but it actually went out over the Whole Fucking high school class (1965) list. I was mortified, but well, there it was, there was nothing I could do. What a dunce. I am an idiot! Here is only HALF of that email. Good grief!...
"I was SO GLAD to hear from you, thanks for writing. I miss you & think of you often. Especially when I hear all the songs from yesteryear. They remind me of eVERyTHING about our childhood. Sometimes I want to cry, it all seems so long ago. I dont feel like I've accomplished much in my life & 60 is really coming up fast. I can't believe you are already there!
I can't believe that 60yrs ago your mother & daddy were young & had their first babygirl! I wonder if my birth mother is even still alive. It's wierd once your parents die, I feel like I was such a bad daughter. When she was alive, I spent so much time hating her & resenting her for being so fucked up. Now I wish I had been nicer to her.
She did afterall adopt me & try her best... Even though she was so bad it made me NEVER want to have kids, I never wanted to be hated as much as I hated her. I regret that. Not that I didnt have kids, because like you, I'm SO grateful that I didnt fuck up an innocent being, the buck stopped with me.
I just regret that I couldnt have turned out better. Not that I turned out like shit, because of course I'm divine! BUT I just seem to constantly think about her/them & all they did try to do for me to make my life wonderful. and certainly I have never lived as well as I did when I was with them, I have never been able to make as much money to live as well.
I dont think Alan wastes time thinking & worrying about all this. He is very positive & sweet, even though he barely lives above poverty level with his wife of 12yrs that has come down with MS. I havent seen them for about 5 years because last time I felt I would never go back since they BOTH STILL SMOKE, & therefore they stink, their house stinks, their car stinks. Pisses me off. He no longer blows glass since his wife cant help him. So he is now a carpenter. I worry about him. He doesnt waste time with regrets, however he has also always lived in denial. Easier that way I guess.
His wife Annie still doesnt thrill me. But oh well, I dont thrill her either. I've tried to be friendly & get close, but she is just not interested. She doesnt like me. They are very simple people, no TV & they read to each other every night. She makes beautiful glass beads & sells them on eBay. People call him to fix stuff in their house. Also he has made some beautiful furniture.
I should go see him, I shouldnt be so snarky about thier dumbass smoking. What if he suddenly dies, I would feel so sorry I hadnt visited. I shall make it a point once the weather gets better. Cousin Eleanore just died last month & I felt so sad I had never even driven to pittsburgh to visit her. But she & her husband are born again & bigtime into the bible & believe homosexuality is a sin. So I certainly didnt feel like traveling all that way to deal with that shit. Now I'm sorry. And I thought about Alan & not seeing him for so long.
Anyway, if it sounds like Im depressed, I suppose I am. Hopefully when the summer & sun comes, I'll get over the sun deprevation of these eastern winters. It's no joke!
Hope you are well.
Love ya loads,
Kathy"
Oh. My. GOD.
Can You believe I wrote about hating my mother, disliking my brother's wife & hating their (& anyone's) smoking, blowing off poor Cousin Eleanore before she died, feeling depressed & sent it over the internet? I also wrote about overeating, trying to maintain control over gorging food down my gullet, a classmate that had passed away, (actually that's how this whole letter started...) Can't remember the whole thing, but what a disaster.
So I sat back & waited for comments & replies, & would you believe besides one good friend who wrote to me personally that I sure could write about my feelings, NOBODY else responded. They must have all been so embarrrassed for me that I wrote all that, or maybe just shocked. ha! Oh my gosh. I gotta pay more attention to the return email address when I write & click send. I was mortified... It's pretty funny, tho.
Here is something to amuse you all, much to my chagrin. I am on this elist that is all my old Texas high school gang from the 60's. We email back & forth & chat about stuff that comes up in our lives & I enjoy that! My best friend Tina wrote me a long email & I was SO excited to hear from her that I didnt even notice that it was on the "gradslist," That's how out of it I've been. Well I wrote her a long letter from my ping pong stream of consciousness that contained stuff I should have kept private-just between the 2 of us (thought I was doing that,) but it actually went out over the Whole Fucking high school class (1965) list. I was mortified, but well, there it was, there was nothing I could do. What a dunce. I am an idiot! Here is only HALF of that email. Good grief!...
"I was SO GLAD to hear from you, thanks for writing. I miss you & think of you often. Especially when I hear all the songs from yesteryear. They remind me of eVERyTHING about our childhood. Sometimes I want to cry, it all seems so long ago. I dont feel like I've accomplished much in my life & 60 is really coming up fast. I can't believe you are already there!
I can't believe that 60yrs ago your mother & daddy were young & had their first babygirl! I wonder if my birth mother is even still alive. It's wierd once your parents die, I feel like I was such a bad daughter. When she was alive, I spent so much time hating her & resenting her for being so fucked up. Now I wish I had been nicer to her.
She did afterall adopt me & try her best... Even though she was so bad it made me NEVER want to have kids, I never wanted to be hated as much as I hated her. I regret that. Not that I didnt have kids, because like you, I'm SO grateful that I didnt fuck up an innocent being, the buck stopped with me.
I just regret that I couldnt have turned out better. Not that I turned out like shit, because of course I'm divine! BUT I just seem to constantly think about her/them & all they did try to do for me to make my life wonderful. and certainly I have never lived as well as I did when I was with them, I have never been able to make as much money to live as well.
I dont think Alan wastes time thinking & worrying about all this. He is very positive & sweet, even though he barely lives above poverty level with his wife of 12yrs that has come down with MS. I havent seen them for about 5 years because last time I felt I would never go back since they BOTH STILL SMOKE, & therefore they stink, their house stinks, their car stinks. Pisses me off. He no longer blows glass since his wife cant help him. So he is now a carpenter. I worry about him. He doesnt waste time with regrets, however he has also always lived in denial. Easier that way I guess.
His wife Annie still doesnt thrill me. But oh well, I dont thrill her either. I've tried to be friendly & get close, but she is just not interested. She doesnt like me. They are very simple people, no TV & they read to each other every night. She makes beautiful glass beads & sells them on eBay. People call him to fix stuff in their house. Also he has made some beautiful furniture.
I should go see him, I shouldnt be so snarky about thier dumbass smoking. What if he suddenly dies, I would feel so sorry I hadnt visited. I shall make it a point once the weather gets better. Cousin Eleanore just died last month & I felt so sad I had never even driven to pittsburgh to visit her. But she & her husband are born again & bigtime into the bible & believe homosexuality is a sin. So I certainly didnt feel like traveling all that way to deal with that shit. Now I'm sorry. And I thought about Alan & not seeing him for so long.
Anyway, if it sounds like Im depressed, I suppose I am. Hopefully when the summer & sun comes, I'll get over the sun deprevation of these eastern winters. It's no joke!
Hope you are well.
Love ya loads,
Kathy"
Oh. My. GOD.
Can You believe I wrote about hating my mother, disliking my brother's wife & hating their (& anyone's) smoking, blowing off poor Cousin Eleanore before she died, feeling depressed & sent it over the internet? I also wrote about overeating, trying to maintain control over gorging food down my gullet, a classmate that had passed away, (actually that's how this whole letter started...) Can't remember the whole thing, but what a disaster.
So I sat back & waited for comments & replies, & would you believe besides one good friend who wrote to me personally that I sure could write about my feelings, NOBODY else responded. They must have all been so embarrrassed for me that I wrote all that, or maybe just shocked. ha! Oh my gosh. I gotta pay more attention to the return email address when I write & click send. I was mortified... It's pretty funny, tho.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Still Sick
Went to the Dr yesterday. She gave me a script for dizzyness. It is making me sleepy. AS IF I need anything to sleep all day. I have a trip tomorrow which I can not take since I'm still not well, so guess I'll be sleeping thru the weekend.
I always worry about getting fired from my job, even after all these years...(38yrs 5months). But I'm sure they would love to fire me since I'm so senior. Seems you always are just waiting for the shoe to drop! It's ridiculous. They harrass you for all kinds of shit. If you call in sick & you're out for over 7 days they count it as TWO sick instances. When you get 2 sick instances you then get a stupid letter saying you are on their bad list & one more sick call, you could be fired. They make it so bad that many of us fly sickly, in which case you contaminate others. It's so stupid. Anyway, I do have a Dr to fall back on here, & hopefully I wont get sick again for a year. But how the hell do you ever know when you're going to fall ill? Airline management are not nice people to work for.
I have only boring entries right now. Sorry.
Thanks for everyone's good wishes.
At least I don't seem to be barfing my guts up all the time anymore. Yay! Therefore I am grateful!!!!!
I always worry about getting fired from my job, even after all these years...(38yrs 5months). But I'm sure they would love to fire me since I'm so senior. Seems you always are just waiting for the shoe to drop! It's ridiculous. They harrass you for all kinds of shit. If you call in sick & you're out for over 7 days they count it as TWO sick instances. When you get 2 sick instances you then get a stupid letter saying you are on their bad list & one more sick call, you could be fired. They make it so bad that many of us fly sickly, in which case you contaminate others. It's so stupid. Anyway, I do have a Dr to fall back on here, & hopefully I wont get sick again for a year. But how the hell do you ever know when you're going to fall ill? Airline management are not nice people to work for.
I have only boring entries right now. Sorry.
Thanks for everyone's good wishes.
At least I don't seem to be barfing my guts up all the time anymore. Yay! Therefore I am grateful!!!!!
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Recovering hopefully
So I'm feeling a bit better, but not 100%
I have NO energy.
And I'm dizzy.
Alot.
(No wisecracks from the peanut gallery over there.)
I guess I'm going to have to go to the Dr.
I so hate moving.
I just want to lie there & sleep all day.
This thing sure takes a toll on the ole bod.
Aging sucks, I feel sure I'd bounce back more easily if I were younger.
Last night I dreamed I was writing a book all night.
When I woke up I was so dissappointed because I had nothing to show for it. And couldn't remember any of my brilliance. Such a drag.
I have NO energy.
And I'm dizzy.
Alot.
(No wisecracks from the peanut gallery over there.)
I guess I'm going to have to go to the Dr.
I so hate moving.
I just want to lie there & sleep all day.
This thing sure takes a toll on the ole bod.
Aging sucks, I feel sure I'd bounce back more easily if I were younger.
Last night I dreamed I was writing a book all night.
When I woke up I was so dissappointed because I had nothing to show for it. And couldn't remember any of my brilliance. Such a drag.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
On The Sick List
Oh Man, I got SO sick yesterday... Still am. Not good. Thought I might get over it overnight, but alas... I was so dizzy I could barely sit on the throne... Jeeze I was sick...TOO sick to even think about the fucking computer... Got the runs & the barfs... had to call in SICK for my trip today. DAMN. What.a.drag. I NEVER call in sick. But seeing that I was basically laying on the cold bathroom floor in sweat half the night, I knew I'd never make it down the aisle the next day without keeling over. Can't figure out if this is food poisoning, a virus or a flu. How do you tell?
Anyone have any idea how long this shit lasts???
Anyone have any idea how long this shit lasts???
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Frickin' Slush
OMG! I had a damn flight to LA today. Of course they wouldn't cancel it even tho' the snow & sleet was blowing down like sharp hypodermic needles.
So off I go in full make-up/fa drag regalia driving 20-30mph cautiously thru the storm & wind. Took forever, but angels saved me a few time when I started to slide off the road, thank you God, Goddess, Universe.
Trudged thru the employee parking lot nasty snow slop to the stupid bus shelter, patiently waiting for the damn "A" bus.
Got to the terminal finally, drug to operations to sign in... & what do ya think? CANCELLED!
My flight (hell every flight) was finally cancelled. Of course I had to sit around a few hours before crew schedule finally released me. dang.
So off I went, schlepping my crap back to the bus & car, & slowly proceeded on my way thru the fucking winter wonderland that we call weather (DURING FUCKING RUSH HOUR!) home to my Poochie's arms.
phew!
Alleluia.
The good news, I have sat off now. The bad news, I had to pick up another trip on sunday to make up the time. Gotta stay grateful for a job.
sigh.
So off I go in full make-up/fa drag regalia driving 20-30mph cautiously thru the storm & wind. Took forever, but angels saved me a few time when I started to slide off the road, thank you God, Goddess, Universe.
Trudged thru the employee parking lot nasty snow slop to the stupid bus shelter, patiently waiting for the damn "A" bus.
Got to the terminal finally, drug to operations to sign in... & what do ya think? CANCELLED!
My flight (hell every flight) was finally cancelled. Of course I had to sit around a few hours before crew schedule finally released me. dang.
So off I went, schlepping my crap back to the bus & car, & slowly proceeded on my way thru the fucking winter wonderland that we call weather (DURING FUCKING RUSH HOUR!) home to my Poochie's arms.
phew!
Alleluia.
The good news, I have sat off now. The bad news, I had to pick up another trip on sunday to make up the time. Gotta stay grateful for a job.
sigh.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
I Love Rosie
I love Rosie O'Donnell.
I thinks she's brave.
I know she's loud, but I usually agree with her.
She can speak for me as a gay woman because I'm pissed off, too.
I just don't understand it... there are so many dykes that don't like her. I read it in their blogs. I dont' get it. Why not? I mean, everybody has a right to dislike somebody & there are many people I seriously can't stand. But Rosie? What's so terrible? She cracks me up & for me The View has never been better.
Even Doris doesn't care for Rosie. But she doesn't like Ellen either, much. She laughs everytime Ellen does her dancing & talks about how white folks can't dance. I think E is pretty good at it. I try to support all our lesbians in the media. There's just not enough of them.
I thinks she's brave.
I know she's loud, but I usually agree with her.
She can speak for me as a gay woman because I'm pissed off, too.
I just don't understand it... there are so many dykes that don't like her. I read it in their blogs. I dont' get it. Why not? I mean, everybody has a right to dislike somebody & there are many people I seriously can't stand. But Rosie? What's so terrible? She cracks me up & for me The View has never been better.
Even Doris doesn't care for Rosie. But she doesn't like Ellen either, much. She laughs everytime Ellen does her dancing & talks about how white folks can't dance. I think E is pretty good at it. I try to support all our lesbians in the media. There's just not enough of them.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
I Have A Sinus Migraine
Oh my gosh. Last night was SO windy that the turbulence shook my brains up on landing. That kind of stuff turns you green it's all I can do to keep from hurling, which would be most embarasing strapped into the jumpseat in from of 150 people. Then the employee parking lot (at the edge of the field) was freezing cold, the wind chill beyond bad!!
When I woke up I had a sinus migraine. It was SO painful I thought I'd throw up. I took some Motrin sinus/headache tabs. Later took an Advil Migraine capsule. Luckily now I only have a small headache. I am resting now.
What do you do for Sinus Migraines???
Any suggestions?
When I woke up I had a sinus migraine. It was SO painful I thought I'd throw up. I took some Motrin sinus/headache tabs. Later took an Advil Migraine capsule. Luckily now I only have a small headache. I am resting now.
What do you do for Sinus Migraines???
Any suggestions?
Friday, March 02, 2007
Better Now
Okay, I'm a happy woman now. Pictures are starting to get posted & I don't feel so left out. It's amazing how easy it is to feel close to so many bloggers. I really enjoy my lesbian blog group & now I see what they look like!! Yep, I was right, Goddess Bloggers - all of 'em! And Sassy, you & Fran have a beautiful home. Simply divine! Wow.
Sorry I was so impatient. Impatience is better in flower beds. (grin.)
I went to a new female doctor today. She is really nice & nurturing. She called me sweetie & even tho' she was only 2 yrs older than me, I felt calm by that. My last dr was so young and sorta snippy & afraid to do anything wrong. I lost my trust/faith in her. We'll see how this one goes. She was kind.
Oh, & this is for all the party bloggers..........
V A G I N A !!!
Sorry I was so impatient. Impatience is better in flower beds. (grin.)
I went to a new female doctor today. She is really nice & nurturing. She called me sweetie & even tho' she was only 2 yrs older than me, I felt calm by that. My last dr was so young and sorta snippy & afraid to do anything wrong. I lost my trust/faith in her. We'll see how this one goes. She was kind.
Oh, & this is for all the party bloggers..........
V A G I N A !!!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
I'm Cranky
Okay, I'm dissappointed. Seems there are some folks from the blog meet that don't want their pictures posted. I have been waiting, just dying to see all the pics of the crazy, fun weekend I missed. sigh.
Why, I wonder- would I not want my picture posted with all these wonderful women? Thank GOD I don't have to worry about folks knowing I'm a lesbian. Gee whilikers, that's a heavy albatross - having to hide the real me.
Well, let it be known to all the bloggerdykes that they all look like Goddesses in my imagination. If pictures never get posted I'll just have to close my eyes & imagine.
But damn.
I'm annoyed.
I get that way with Doris wanting to stay in the closet when we go to church. She just doesn't think it's necessary to be a screaming "out" dyke. Of course, everyone there KNOWS we're gay & they are nice to us. Still, it's not a gay church, so she doesn't feel comfortable. She would have done well in the army with the 'don't ask don't tell' policy.
Not I. I am PROUD to be a dyke. And anyone, including any job, boss, preacher, teacher, neighbor, family -whomever- that doesn't like it can just shove it up their ass & twirl. It get's me angry that we have been made to feel so scared & inferior to have to hide our true essence.
But that's just me.
And I'm old.
And cranky.
And I just say FUCK that shit.
However, Doris prefers that I don't fly the Rainbow Flag at our front door.
So be it.
I put up a double red heart wreath on the side door.
Compromise. It beats a lonely bed.
heh heh.
I'm cranky, not crazy.
- well usually not.
It's just that with meeting Max & Elizabeth (which by the way I would NOT have recognized had I NOT seen their PICTURES from their blogs... aHEM!...) well - I was just SO FREAKIN' EXCITED to see everyone ELSE I missed that I could hardly contain myself. I get like that. I was way up, high on excitement ~ now the wind is out of my sails. Maybe I'm bipolar. I'll get over it. WhatEVER. I think it blows.
Why, I wonder- would I not want my picture posted with all these wonderful women? Thank GOD I don't have to worry about folks knowing I'm a lesbian. Gee whilikers, that's a heavy albatross - having to hide the real me.
Well, let it be known to all the bloggerdykes that they all look like Goddesses in my imagination. If pictures never get posted I'll just have to close my eyes & imagine.
But damn.
I'm annoyed.
I get that way with Doris wanting to stay in the closet when we go to church. She just doesn't think it's necessary to be a screaming "out" dyke. Of course, everyone there KNOWS we're gay & they are nice to us. Still, it's not a gay church, so she doesn't feel comfortable. She would have done well in the army with the 'don't ask don't tell' policy.
Not I. I am PROUD to be a dyke. And anyone, including any job, boss, preacher, teacher, neighbor, family -whomever- that doesn't like it can just shove it up their ass & twirl. It get's me angry that we have been made to feel so scared & inferior to have to hide our true essence.
But that's just me.
And I'm old.
And cranky.
And I just say FUCK that shit.
However, Doris prefers that I don't fly the Rainbow Flag at our front door.
So be it.
I put up a double red heart wreath on the side door.
Compromise. It beats a lonely bed.
heh heh.
I'm cranky, not crazy.
- well usually not.
It's just that with meeting Max & Elizabeth (which by the way I would NOT have recognized had I NOT seen their PICTURES from their blogs... aHEM!...) well - I was just SO FREAKIN' EXCITED to see everyone ELSE I missed that I could hardly contain myself. I get like that. I was way up, high on excitement ~ now the wind is out of my sails. Maybe I'm bipolar. I'll get over it. WhatEVER. I think it blows.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
I met eb & Max!
I was so excited today! Doris & I drove into the City where we actually met Elizabeth & Max for dinner! I have always enjoyed their blogs, in fact eb was my first favorite blog that made me crack up with laughter, & from which I linked onto Syd (another riot & fave blog,) Sassyfemme, Weese, Suburban Lesbian & other fine dyke bloggers (that I can not live a day without checking to see if they've added yet, more pearls of wisdom!) It was SO great to actually be sitting across from Elizabeth & Queen Maxine, I love to be around Lesbians in longterm relationships!
Time flew since we'd only put 4 quarters in the fucking meter, I don't even remember eating. We went to Manatus in the w.Village where D & I always used to eat when I lived upstairs on Christopher St.
Friendly vibes & frivolity ensued! I so enjoyed it!
Tomorrow a bunch of the gang are traveling to Conn. to party at Sassy's abode. Bloggers are coming in from everywhere! Unfortunately I won't be one of them & I can't believe I am going to miss out on meeting so many of my FAVORite blog dykes. Damn. I just have to trust in the universe that there will be another get together that will be easier for me to attend, maybe in NYC in warmer weather.
Y'all have a great time. boo hoo hoo.
Time flew since we'd only put 4 quarters in the fucking meter, I don't even remember eating. We went to Manatus in the w.Village where D & I always used to eat when I lived upstairs on Christopher St.
Friendly vibes & frivolity ensued! I so enjoyed it!
Tomorrow a bunch of the gang are traveling to Conn. to party at Sassy's abode. Bloggers are coming in from everywhere! Unfortunately I won't be one of them & I can't believe I am going to miss out on meeting so many of my FAVORite blog dykes. Damn. I just have to trust in the universe that there will be another get together that will be easier for me to attend, maybe in NYC in warmer weather.
Y'all have a great time. boo hoo hoo.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Friday
Since I had to fly out on the 14th, Fri was our Valentine's celebration & we went to 3 movies.
First was Daddy's Little Girls which was so GREAT!!!
2nd was Because I said so which was silly, but Diane Keaton's clothes are fun. I fell asleep.
3rd was Hannibal Rising (okay Doris wanted to see this - she's a Silence of the Lambs person) & it was booring.
Picked up Bahaa Fresh, came home & got in bed!!
Bed is still the best place ever.
First was Daddy's Little Girls which was so GREAT!!!
2nd was Because I said so which was silly, but Diane Keaton's clothes are fun. I fell asleep.
3rd was Hannibal Rising (okay Doris wanted to see this - she's a Silence of the Lambs person) & it was booring.
Picked up Bahaa Fresh, came home & got in bed!!
Bed is still the best place ever.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Happy Valentines
Happy Sweetheart's Day!
My Doris is laying right next to me in bed here! It is SO windy & sleeting on top of last night's snowfall. The heat is working & we have food in the fridge! These "little things" mean A LOT! Went to the grocery store (do they still call it that?) & stocked up yesterday. Got a GIANT heart balloon - when you tap it flashing red lights come on & it plays "I think I love you" by the Partridge Family haha! Cracks me up. Got red roses & 2 valentine cards for my lady. No jewelry or baubles or even stuffed animals today. Maybe there will be more funds next year. But thank God we got the necessities & each other! Amen.
Now, if they'll just CANCEL my flight today so I can STAY HOME. dang. They've cancelled all the morning trips, but NoooOOOOoooo, not mine at 500pm. crap.
My Doris is laying right next to me in bed here! It is SO windy & sleeting on top of last night's snowfall. The heat is working & we have food in the fridge! These "little things" mean A LOT! Went to the grocery store (do they still call it that?) & stocked up yesterday. Got a GIANT heart balloon - when you tap it flashing red lights come on & it plays "I think I love you" by the Partridge Family haha! Cracks me up. Got red roses & 2 valentine cards for my lady. No jewelry or baubles or even stuffed animals today. Maybe there will be more funds next year. But thank God we got the necessities & each other! Amen.
Now, if they'll just CANCEL my flight today so I can STAY HOME. dang. They've cancelled all the morning trips, but NoooOOOOoooo, not mine at 500pm. crap.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
avatars.yahoo.com
I finally have an Avatar, Sassy helped me get it under my 'all about me' area. She's a frickin' computer genius, but well - we all know this by now. I had been seeing these cartoon ladies on many blogs lately, but they are all on Blogger... which I obviously am not. So I just couldn't figure out HOW to add one.. Good ole' Sassyfemme to the rescue! Now I have my own cartoon with a snarl.
Been flying a lot, good trips thank the Goddess. Had Bernadette Peters onboard & she was really sweet. Very nice, a bit reserved, focused on reading a script of Pal Joey which she is considering. I actually got a bit tongue-tied at one point trying to chat, normally I am always very cool, but she is SO talented. Broadway, such a charge!
I am really tired of being/feeling broke. Seriously. I am trying to figure out how to make more money. Any suggestions? I have a Real Estate license with Century21, but I'm not doing that because I really don't have the energy &/or time while flying so much to make overtime. I don't enjoy it & it is a LOT of hard work with often unpleasant (esp other realtors) people. Then, I sold Arbonne Swiss Skin care which I have a website for at the bottom right under advancedbeauty. It is REALLY great skin care, but I am not one to follow up after giving/sending samples because I am of the attitude it you want it fine, if you don't - well, you're possibly an idiot. So I don't ever push it... Some other FA's have started to sell it & they are extremely pushy & forceful in their approach & therefore have become real successful at it. Me, not so much. I'm really of the mind that if a person WANTS this they shall buy it... Since we don't make that much money, I respect that others might not have the funds so I don't bug them with follow-up calls. At any rate, it is not the best work choice for me either, I guess.
Perhaps I am just too tired (after all is said & done) after flying my ASS off all over creation & back.
I do need some sleep here & there.
Like now for example.
Been flying a lot, good trips thank the Goddess. Had Bernadette Peters onboard & she was really sweet. Very nice, a bit reserved, focused on reading a script of Pal Joey which she is considering. I actually got a bit tongue-tied at one point trying to chat, normally I am always very cool, but she is SO talented. Broadway, such a charge!
I am really tired of being/feeling broke. Seriously. I am trying to figure out how to make more money. Any suggestions? I have a Real Estate license with Century21, but I'm not doing that because I really don't have the energy &/or time while flying so much to make overtime. I don't enjoy it & it is a LOT of hard work with often unpleasant (esp other realtors) people. Then, I sold Arbonne Swiss Skin care which I have a website for at the bottom right under advancedbeauty. It is REALLY great skin care, but I am not one to follow up after giving/sending samples because I am of the attitude it you want it fine, if you don't - well, you're possibly an idiot. So I don't ever push it... Some other FA's have started to sell it & they are extremely pushy & forceful in their approach & therefore have become real successful at it. Me, not so much. I'm really of the mind that if a person WANTS this they shall buy it... Since we don't make that much money, I respect that others might not have the funds so I don't bug them with follow-up calls. At any rate, it is not the best work choice for me either, I guess.
Perhaps I am just too tired (after all is said & done) after flying my ASS off all over creation & back.
I do need some sleep here & there.
Like now for example.
Friday, February 02, 2007
I'm Okay, You're Okay
This past trip was SO much better than the last. I feel loved.
Call me Sally Fields, but it's good to remember (Most) folks I work with really like me. They dig me, they think I'm funny & there is common respect. Half even chime in when I start swearing like a sailor & the other half crack up laughing & tolerate it.
You know, I'm too old to really care about this crap & normally I don't. Last trip just caught me off gaurd because I wasn't aware that my flying partner of the month was two-faced. Whatever.
Now I know. And life goes on.
Call me Sally Fields, but it's good to remember (Most) folks I work with really like me. They dig me, they think I'm funny & there is common respect. Half even chime in when I start swearing like a sailor & the other half crack up laughing & tolerate it.
You know, I'm too old to really care about this crap & normally I don't. Last trip just caught me off gaurd because I wasn't aware that my flying partner of the month was two-faced. Whatever.
Now I know. And life goes on.
Monday, January 29, 2007
A Lousy Endng to a Great Trip
It's always so good to get back home. I swear, sometimes it's all I can do to get thru the end of a trip. Usually it's great. But last trip I had to deal with 2 younger flight attendants that basically just had no respect (for older female fa's & definately not for me.) It became just seriously tedious in the end. Nothing the psgrs noticed or knew about. Just subtle bullshit & big time attitude. I felt angry, and today I just feel bad. It's unusual because I generally get along well with everybody. Even if I don't really care for them.
One person I feel hurt by because I'd worked with her all month & I thought we'd gotten along fine, we definately worked great services together. This trip there was a girl I'd never worked with before on the crew list that hit it off real well with her. Nothing wrong with that, but the attitude they generated together was rather obnoxious ( in my opinion,) I chalked it up to youth & remembered how I used to do crazy stuff back in the day. For example, they went out late into the night for dinner with a cousin that had been along on the flight & didn't get back till around 0300a. (which was 0600a our body time being based in NY.) I could never do that now! But there was a time we all used to be able to do that... ...Stay out all night & go right on to work with out much sleep!
Anyway the girls had bonded & were close (they had only just met on the flight) & to me they seemed to bring out such snarky pretention in each other. I wasn't the only old fart on the crew, there was another but they didn't talk much to her either. A fifth was in the middle of our ages & she got along with all of us.
It was just unusual, that kind of shit never happens, at least it hasn't up until now. The good thing about this job is that trip is OVER, I have different people to work with next month & I probably won't have to work with those 2 again (at least not together) since they're so junior to me.
I suppose I should mention how most FA's wish we old farts would retire so they could hold the trips we bid. They will even "joke" with us about it "are you guys EVER going to retire & give us a chance at the primo trips? hahaha." (Yeah, as IF those of us who DON't quit could afford towith what they pay us now.) But it is rare that I've actually had to deal with such bitchy attitudes from young women I work with. In fact, generally I feel nurturing to them. Almost always I feel respect from & for them.
I shall stop obsessing over it all now. Rant over. Moving on. sigh.
One person I feel hurt by because I'd worked with her all month & I thought we'd gotten along fine, we definately worked great services together. This trip there was a girl I'd never worked with before on the crew list that hit it off real well with her. Nothing wrong with that, but the attitude they generated together was rather obnoxious ( in my opinion,) I chalked it up to youth & remembered how I used to do crazy stuff back in the day. For example, they went out late into the night for dinner with a cousin that had been along on the flight & didn't get back till around 0300a. (which was 0600a our body time being based in NY.) I could never do that now! But there was a time we all used to be able to do that... ...Stay out all night & go right on to work with out much sleep!
Anyway the girls had bonded & were close (they had only just met on the flight) & to me they seemed to bring out such snarky pretention in each other. I wasn't the only old fart on the crew, there was another but they didn't talk much to her either. A fifth was in the middle of our ages & she got along with all of us.
It was just unusual, that kind of shit never happens, at least it hasn't up until now. The good thing about this job is that trip is OVER, I have different people to work with next month & I probably won't have to work with those 2 again (at least not together) since they're so junior to me.
I suppose I should mention how most FA's wish we old farts would retire so they could hold the trips we bid. They will even "joke" with us about it "are you guys EVER going to retire & give us a chance at the primo trips? hahaha." (Yeah, as IF those of us who DON't quit could afford towith what they pay us now.) But it is rare that I've actually had to deal with such bitchy attitudes from young women I work with. In fact, generally I feel nurturing to them. Almost always I feel respect from & for them.
I shall stop obsessing over it all now. Rant over. Moving on. sigh.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
A Meme From Suzanne & Kim
- The phone rings. Who are you hoping it is? Doris or my brother Alan.
- When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? Sometime I do, sometime I DON"T!
- In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener? Listener first. if I'm interestred I'll join in, if not I'll walk away.
- If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive? I don't think so, but I would really TRY.
- Do you like to ride horses? Not anymore since I left Texas in the 60's. But I USED to barrel ride & jump low fences when I was young! I LOVE HORSES. I think my back might go out if I rode now. They are such beautiful animals!
- Did you ever go to camp as a kid? Yes I LOVED CAMP!!! Did YMCA camp & Girl Scout camp until I was too old & they made me be a jr. counslor. I was a life gaurd at GS camp. Doris & I used to camp in the Poconos until the Arian Supremists scared us away.
- What was your favorite board game as a kid? I didn't like board games, but the family played Clue & Monnoply. (can't spell it.)
- If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was taken what would you do? RUN like hell. I don't need trouble.
- Are you judgmental? Yes. sorry.
- Would you date someone with different religious beliefs? Yes.
- Are you continuing your education? No. Wish I had the energy, money & desire. Other than that, the school of life goes on.
- Do you know how to shoot a gun? I have shot skeet in texas, but that was a rifle. Shot a magnum 247 or something like that around the same time. Hated it, & the kick back hurt my wrist. If I had a gun, I'm afraid I just might use it because I get pissed. I sorta like the small ones with pearl handles, but I'm afraid of guns.
- If your house was on fire, what's the first thing you'd grab? My dog & 2 cats, then all my photos from childhood till now.
- How often do you read books? Not so often, self help if any.
- Do you think more about the past, present or future? The past. I have to work on that.
- What is your favorite children's book? Nancy Drew series.
- How tall are you? 5' 7"
- Where is your ideal house located? Somewhere with trees & water! Wish we could afford it.
- Last person you talked to? Doris!
- When was the last time you were at Olive Garden? A year or 2. Not my favorite, I prefer The Macaroni Grill.
- What are your keys on your key chain for? House, 3 cars, jetbridge & crew lounge, onboard defibulator
- What did you do last night? Flew in late, watched 2 TV movies with Doris, drove to a burning restaurant in the neighborhood, got to sleep at 0700a.
- Where is your current pain at [sic]? I have a constant neck & shoulder crick on the right side.(muscle spasms)
- Do you like mustard? No, unless it's mixed with ketchup, but usually no.
- Do you like your mom or dad? Loved them both, but liked my Daddy.
- How long does it take you in the shower? If I'm doing the shower then I'm washing my hair which takes forever with conditioners etc, cause it's long past my shoulderblades. I prefer baths for 10 or 15 minutes.
- What movie do you want to see right now? The Queen. I'm pissed that Dream Girls wasn't nominated for an emmy.
- Do you put lotion on your dog or cats? No.
- What did you do for New Year's? Went to a lovely midnight dinner down the street with mainly gay/lesbian & gay friendly folks.
- Do you think The Grudge was scary? What is that? The grudges I hold are scary & a waste of time & energy.
- Do you own a camera phone? Yup.
- Who did you vote for on American Idol? All the ones I like, not just one. But I haven't seen it yet this year.
- What is the last initial of your middle name? e
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Doris' bDay!
Yesterday was Doris' Birthday. Girlfriend turned 71, yep seventyfuckingONE!!! Damn, she looks SO damn good, no one would even think she was even 50. Luckily I had gotten out of my last trip so I had time to get hot pink roses, big balloons, good mushy cards & a pretty gold chain. She was pleased when she woke up & went downstairs & saw all that set up for her. Yea, I did good!
We layed around in bed all day (MY favorite sport!) & watched Little Miss Sunshine (dang, that was sweet) & other movies because it was SO COLD out.
Then got up & went to dinner with her favorite sister at a wonderful restaurant.
Came home & watched TV & the L Word rerun. Dang, that Papi is one sexy Latino player.
I feel grateful for Doris' 71 years, that there is even a program like The L Word in this day & age, and that our furnace is working full blast! It is fucking freezing out!
We layed around in bed all day (MY favorite sport!) & watched Little Miss Sunshine (dang, that was sweet) & other movies because it was SO COLD out.
Then got up & went to dinner with her favorite sister at a wonderful restaurant.
Came home & watched TV & the L Word rerun. Dang, that Papi is one sexy Latino player.
I feel grateful for Doris' 71 years, that there is even a program like The L Word in this day & age, and that our furnace is working full blast! It is fucking freezing out!
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Too Tired!
Have Mercy!
I am in the middle of another 6 day siege. Just flew in LATE last night & flying out again today... Am supposed to fly back out AGAIN after I return tomorrow night.
Well.
I am Broke Poor, so I scheduled my flying like that to make a lot of overtime. It seemed like a good idea at the moment.
Uh. I don't know HOW I thought I could do it twice in a row (3 2-day trips back to back TWICE.) (12 days out of 14.)
Dang, I must have thought I was in my 30's again for a hallucinating moment. I am fiftyfuckingNINE. shit. I can't do this. I am turning fucking elderly more by the minute, esp working like such a nutcase.
My resistance is dwindling & I'm taking Airbornne by the box.
I am hoping a fellow Flight Attendant will pick up my trip on thurs. Then I plan to sleep 48 solid hours. (Oh sure, as if I don't already wake up to pee every 3 hrs as it is.)
I'm exhausted.
My entries have become booring.
Oh, here's a good one;
Had the Subway Hero onboard the other day. Man, he was brave, huh?
Also had Chad Lowe, (SO sweet, so kind), Andre' Braugher, very classy & that gorgeous male model Tyson Beckford - also very nice. Damn - his lips & eyes are really something! (But he grew a skraggley goatee that looks like crap.) Goatees suck. No matter how you spell it. Such a shame to mess up such a beautiful face with pubic looking hair. ugh.
(Nothing against pubic hair in it's right place!) or the right woman's pubs in my face!
Can I get an Amen?
I am in the middle of another 6 day siege. Just flew in LATE last night & flying out again today... Am supposed to fly back out AGAIN after I return tomorrow night.
Well.
I am Broke Poor, so I scheduled my flying like that to make a lot of overtime. It seemed like a good idea at the moment.
Uh. I don't know HOW I thought I could do it twice in a row (3 2-day trips back to back TWICE.) (12 days out of 14.)
Dang, I must have thought I was in my 30's again for a hallucinating moment. I am fiftyfuckingNINE. shit. I can't do this. I am turning fucking elderly more by the minute, esp working like such a nutcase.
My resistance is dwindling & I'm taking Airbornne by the box.
I am hoping a fellow Flight Attendant will pick up my trip on thurs. Then I plan to sleep 48 solid hours. (Oh sure, as if I don't already wake up to pee every 3 hrs as it is.)
I'm exhausted.
My entries have become booring.
Oh, here's a good one;
Had the Subway Hero onboard the other day. Man, he was brave, huh?
Also had Chad Lowe, (SO sweet, so kind), Andre' Braugher, very classy & that gorgeous male model Tyson Beckford - also very nice. Damn - his lips & eyes are really something! (But he grew a skraggley goatee that looks like crap.) Goatees suck. No matter how you spell it. Such a shame to mess up such a beautiful face with pubic looking hair. ugh.
(Nothing against pubic hair in it's right place!) or the right woman's pubs in my face!
Can I get an Amen?
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Another Crappy Movie
Today we went to see Perfume, The Story Of a Murderer.
Y A W N.
I mean REALLY. So fucking booring & possibly the stupidest movie ever. The dumbass man goes around killing women to bottle their scents. In the end when he is to be hung for the murders, he releases this bottle with a combination of all their scents to the throngs standing around to see him die & they all become overcome with LOVE, strip naked & have a mega orgy right there in the town square. So dumb.
Then saw Stomp the Yard. It was actually great. D & I were truly old fogies in a packed theatre of young kids watching fraternity students at a black college in Atlanta compete crumping & stomping.
Then watched 30 minutes of Primeval where a humongous alligator was chasing & eating everyone around. (Doris likes that shit.)
Well, back home in bed now & we're watching a rerun of last week's L Word, which is Better than anything I've seen since Dream Girls last week!
Y A W N.
I mean REALLY. So fucking booring & possibly the stupidest movie ever. The dumbass man goes around killing women to bottle their scents. In the end when he is to be hung for the murders, he releases this bottle with a combination of all their scents to the throngs standing around to see him die & they all become overcome with LOVE, strip naked & have a mega orgy right there in the town square. So dumb.
Then saw Stomp the Yard. It was actually great. D & I were truly old fogies in a packed theatre of young kids watching fraternity students at a black college in Atlanta compete crumping & stomping.
Then watched 30 minutes of Primeval where a humongous alligator was chasing & eating everyone around. (Doris likes that shit.)
Well, back home in bed now & we're watching a rerun of last week's L Word, which is Better than anything I've seen since Dream Girls last week!
Movie Review
Just flew 6 days in a row. I am SO too old to do that now. I can barely move, but I did manage to go to Curves this morning. You always wonder if it is doing any good. I guess it's better than not doing any kind of exercise.
Well, tonight we went to see Notes On A Scandle with Judy Densch & Cate Blanchet.
HATED IT.
Of course the acting was GOOD with those two.
But the story truly sucked for me.
I went to see Dame Judy playing a Lesbian but damn, she was such a horrible, old preditor type. And speaking of preditors, Blanchette was a teacher fucking a 15 year old boy (her student) thru the whole thing. Talk about seriously sickening.
This movie got 4 whole stars. wierd. I did not find this entertaining. I am so annoyed & dissappointed. Perhaps it's just me.
I say PeeeeeeUUUU!
Well, tonight we went to see Notes On A Scandle with Judy Densch & Cate Blanchet.
HATED IT.
Of course the acting was GOOD with those two.
But the story truly sucked for me.
I went to see Dame Judy playing a Lesbian but damn, she was such a horrible, old preditor type. And speaking of preditors, Blanchette was a teacher fucking a 15 year old boy (her student) thru the whole thing. Talk about seriously sickening.
This movie got 4 whole stars. wierd. I did not find this entertaining. I am so annoyed & dissappointed. Perhaps it's just me.
I say PeeeeeeUUUU!
Thursday, January 04, 2007
RHS60'grads list
I went to high school in Texas in the 60's. Many from that school are on an email chat list. It's a great, easy way to keep up with old schoolmates that you never see. Interestingly enough, thru all the class reunions we've had, I've gotten to know folks I wasn't even close to in school & also enjoyed reconnecting with old friends (uh, Girl Scout Troop, drill team etc.) Since we're all (supposedly) grown ups now, the dynamics are Quite different & much better... to say they least.
Anyway.... Most of us are turning 60 this year, so we've been discussing our feelings on that, as well as being 59. Here is my blurb on the subject:
59 is just okay for me.
Not great,
Not lousy,
Somewhere in between...
Somewhere in the limbo of making it thru the 50's (wait, didn't we do that already after 1949?)
And getting ready to step over the threshold into the 60's,
Which from this point for me looks like a last chance for a big Hoorah...
Before I turn 70 & get ready to shrivel up into elder care somewhere... NOT!!
Well, the 1960's were good to us (uh... some of the time)
So hopefully our 60's will also be great... (Yeah sure, what am I - hallucinating??)
Albeit a different kind of adventure, that's for sure!
............
As I'm typing, Nancy Pelosi is being sworn in as Speaker of the House, my eyes are tearing up. Man, have we come along way! I am bursting with gratitude. Thank you, God.
Anyway.... Most of us are turning 60 this year, so we've been discussing our feelings on that, as well as being 59. Here is my blurb on the subject:
59 is just okay for me.
Not great,
Not lousy,
Somewhere in between...
Somewhere in the limbo of making it thru the 50's (wait, didn't we do that already after 1949?)
And getting ready to step over the threshold into the 60's,
Which from this point for me looks like a last chance for a big Hoorah...
Before I turn 70 & get ready to shrivel up into elder care somewhere... NOT!!
Well, the 1960's were good to us (uh... some of the time)
So hopefully our 60's will also be great... (Yeah sure, what am I - hallucinating??)
Albeit a different kind of adventure, that's for sure!
............
As I'm typing, Nancy Pelosi is being sworn in as Speaker of the House, my eyes are tearing up. Man, have we come along way! I am bursting with gratitude. Thank you, God.
Monday, January 01, 2007
OFF TO A GOOD START
This was my day:
Went to Curves (it was closed for the day)
Picked up 4 cartons of eggs from the Egg Farm
Went to Shopright (it was closed for the day)
Went to Petco/ bought dog food, cat food & kitty litter ($65 fucking dollars)
Went to CVS, bought nail polish remover & The Post for Doris
Went to Sis' to search for D's missing keys in Sis's car.
(they weren't there.)
Came home
TOOK DOWN ALL THE OUTDOOR XMAS LIGHTS (it was drizzeling) & PUT THEM IN THE GARAGE! (I am SO proud I did this already! Usually I'd wait till Feb/march.)
Emptied trashes & bottles
Put Dog food, Cat food, Kitty Litter in their bins.
Went to movies (The Good Shepard) with Doris.
(ate a damn ton of pop corn.)
Went to drug store & bought GasX & Stool Softeners.
(HAHAHAHAHAHA) (Don't want to fart stink bombs when I get back on the plane tomorrow.) (GasX turns your shit into blocks of cement, thus the softener... hehe!) (Hey, you can't strike matches on a plane, have ya heard???) (Shut UP, it's brilliant.)
Came home & Blogged
Watched CSI Miami & fell asleep.
Happy 2007!
Went to Curves (it was closed for the day)
Picked up 4 cartons of eggs from the Egg Farm
Went to Shopright (it was closed for the day)
Went to Petco/ bought dog food, cat food & kitty litter ($65 fucking dollars)
Went to CVS, bought nail polish remover & The Post for Doris
Went to Sis' to search for D's missing keys in Sis's car.
(they weren't there.)
Came home
TOOK DOWN ALL THE OUTDOOR XMAS LIGHTS (it was drizzeling) & PUT THEM IN THE GARAGE! (I am SO proud I did this already! Usually I'd wait till Feb/march.)
Emptied trashes & bottles
Put Dog food, Cat food, Kitty Litter in their bins.
Went to movies (The Good Shepard) with Doris.
(ate a damn ton of pop corn.)
Went to drug store & bought GasX & Stool Softeners.
(HAHAHAHAHAHA) (Don't want to fart stink bombs when I get back on the plane tomorrow.) (GasX turns your shit into blocks of cement, thus the softener... hehe!) (Hey, you can't strike matches on a plane, have ya heard???) (Shut UP, it's brilliant.)
Came home & Blogged
Watched CSI Miami & fell asleep.
Happy 2007!
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Another Inventory
I'm sitting here (D went to church,) taking inventory of 2006 trying to think of something uplifting because for some reason I could so easily slip into depression. (I'm trying not to panic here, let me stay positive.) I put on some good gospel music, that should help!
I find my own blog to be a great tool in the perspective of where I've been & where I'm going. Guess it's 'cause I don't remember much lately. Never the less, I've been reading back thru this year.
Guess I've done okay. But next year in 2007 I hope I get my money problems under control. It's ridiculous & embarrassing that at this age I am so broke. Also, I should go to dr's & a dentist, I've managed to go thru the year with good enough health not to bother. Not too smart, but better finances will help with that. Thank you God, Goddess, Universe for great health!!
I notice that not too many blog folks in relationships write about any problems they are going thru like I have. Surely their lives can't be ALL so happy & sunshiney? Then again, maybe they really are totally ecstatic with each other everyday!
I definately DO feel that way with Doris quite often, however I notice I tend to write more when I've hit those chords of discontent. Doris is just generally happy-go-lucky, outwardly sweet to everyone, always positive & feeling blessed. It is a great way to be... albeit a bit like living in denial for me. Ha. Wish I was more like her. I just think too much. She really tries more not to think, by constantly having TV or stereo going, sometimes both at the same time, (argh, too noisey for me...) or reading 2 or 3 daily newspapers.
She remaines calm to keep her blood pressure down, & I'd do well to learn that trick. I brood more & feel deeply.
She is really FUNNY & makes me laugh, which is the most important thing in a relationship as far as I'm concerned. That & trust not to be fucked around on. Hate THAT.
Doris can COOK! And she cleans like a white tornado in record speed! I burn hard boiled eggs & after I spend a whole day "cleaning up" the place still looks as messy & disheveled as ever.
Oh, and she is exquisitely beautiful & ALWAYS lookslike a fashion plate stepping right off the pages of Vogue. Even in her jeans. Me? I USED to be like that but prefer my baggy sweats & no makeup at this stage of life. (I do force myself to gussie up since she likes it, tho'.)
That is getting easier to do again since I've dropped all this weight. Which brings me to my greatest accomplishment this year... Getting rid of 53 lbs of dead flubber thru Weight Watchers & Curves. Now if I can just maintain this thru the next year & stay on 'lifetime member' I will be proud. I am so relieved not to appear fat to others, I was ashamed. Doris never made me feel bad about it, though. She always said she loved me no matter what.
Most the time I believed her. I just didn't love myself. It's hard to do, being such a perfectionist.
Tonight we are going to a New Year's Eve dinner party down the street at the home of nice gay men! I am looking fwd to it. They have it every year, & the people there are always nice & mainly from the Gay church, MCC. It's a GREAT way to start out the new year!
Happy New Year, Y'all!
Be safe out there.
I find my own blog to be a great tool in the perspective of where I've been & where I'm going. Guess it's 'cause I don't remember much lately. Never the less, I've been reading back thru this year.
Guess I've done okay. But next year in 2007 I hope I get my money problems under control. It's ridiculous & embarrassing that at this age I am so broke. Also, I should go to dr's & a dentist, I've managed to go thru the year with good enough health not to bother. Not too smart, but better finances will help with that. Thank you God, Goddess, Universe for great health!!
I notice that not too many blog folks in relationships write about any problems they are going thru like I have. Surely their lives can't be ALL so happy & sunshiney? Then again, maybe they really are totally ecstatic with each other everyday!
I definately DO feel that way with Doris quite often, however I notice I tend to write more when I've hit those chords of discontent. Doris is just generally happy-go-lucky, outwardly sweet to everyone, always positive & feeling blessed. It is a great way to be... albeit a bit like living in denial for me. Ha. Wish I was more like her. I just think too much. She really tries more not to think, by constantly having TV or stereo going, sometimes both at the same time, (argh, too noisey for me...) or reading 2 or 3 daily newspapers.
She remaines calm to keep her blood pressure down, & I'd do well to learn that trick. I brood more & feel deeply.
She is really FUNNY & makes me laugh, which is the most important thing in a relationship as far as I'm concerned. That & trust not to be fucked around on. Hate THAT.
Doris can COOK! And she cleans like a white tornado in record speed! I burn hard boiled eggs & after I spend a whole day "cleaning up" the place still looks as messy & disheveled as ever.
Oh, and she is exquisitely beautiful & ALWAYS lookslike a fashion plate stepping right off the pages of Vogue. Even in her jeans. Me? I USED to be like that but prefer my baggy sweats & no makeup at this stage of life. (I do force myself to gussie up since she likes it, tho'.)
That is getting easier to do again since I've dropped all this weight. Which brings me to my greatest accomplishment this year... Getting rid of 53 lbs of dead flubber thru Weight Watchers & Curves. Now if I can just maintain this thru the next year & stay on 'lifetime member' I will be proud. I am so relieved not to appear fat to others, I was ashamed. Doris never made me feel bad about it, though. She always said she loved me no matter what.
Most the time I believed her. I just didn't love myself. It's hard to do, being such a perfectionist.
Tonight we are going to a New Year's Eve dinner party down the street at the home of nice gay men! I am looking fwd to it. They have it every year, & the people there are always nice & mainly from the Gay church, MCC. It's a GREAT way to start out the new year!
Happy New Year, Y'all!
Be safe out there.
Lazy Day!
Just layed around in bed ALL day, reading the papers, napping, watching Lifetime TV movies, totally relaxing. It was glorious, Finally got up & had a delicious dinner at Charlie Brown's. Life is good here in my little corner of the world. Thank you, Jesus! Alleluia & Amen.
Two days ago we had the youngest grandson here again. Doris was cooking in the kitchen & I had come dowstairs to spend time watching TV with the kid & to be close to them. At one point I had asked him to turn the volume down a little, (it was blaring.) Doris started saying 'he's just minding his business, not bothering anyone, leave him alone, go back upstairs,..' I got up went up to her in the kitchen & said do you enjoy putting me down in front of your grandson, is this fun to you? You always do this in front of your kids & grandkids. She was like, why are you bothering him, I said I came down to be with him, to be with you both.. Are you getting off on this? I turned around & went up to feed the animals. She was saying no, I didn't mean anything by it, denying any problem. I put the dog on the leash & walked out the door saying you do this everytime, you did it last time in front of all of them. I came back & dinner was ready & she said she was sorry, she didn't mean anything by it. The night continued on & we took the young one home.
Back in bed, everything was fine. It was SO great to be just alone in the house with her again. Yesterday was great. And then today was so mellow.
I'm going to have to have a conversation with her about putting on a united front & supporting each other, a concept she has obviously yet to consider. I'll just have to choose that time wisely so as not to start WW3.
Two days ago we had the youngest grandson here again. Doris was cooking in the kitchen & I had come dowstairs to spend time watching TV with the kid & to be close to them. At one point I had asked him to turn the volume down a little, (it was blaring.) Doris started saying 'he's just minding his business, not bothering anyone, leave him alone, go back upstairs,..' I got up went up to her in the kitchen & said do you enjoy putting me down in front of your grandson, is this fun to you? You always do this in front of your kids & grandkids. She was like, why are you bothering him, I said I came down to be with him, to be with you both.. Are you getting off on this? I turned around & went up to feed the animals. She was saying no, I didn't mean anything by it, denying any problem. I put the dog on the leash & walked out the door saying you do this everytime, you did it last time in front of all of them. I came back & dinner was ready & she said she was sorry, she didn't mean anything by it. The night continued on & we took the young one home.
Back in bed, everything was fine. It was SO great to be just alone in the house with her again. Yesterday was great. And then today was so mellow.
I'm going to have to have a conversation with her about putting on a united front & supporting each other, a concept she has obviously yet to consider. I'll just have to choose that time wisely so as not to start WW3.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Still Chillin'
Still Chillin', made it thru Christmas with only the grandkids, none of the (adult) kids or the annoying sister showed up because of teeming rain & travel time. It was wonderful with the good sister & her immediate family & grandkids! No big drama or bullshit. Cool.
Still, I got off my food plan & ate everything in sight, & I had NO control over eating desserts & went crazy with red velvet cake. Geesh, pathetic. Whatever. Today I got up first thing & went to Curves, & plan to every day the rest of the week.
Got a bit upset today when taking the grandkids home, the younger one wanted to stay & Doris thought it was so cute & did not say no. I socked her in the arm (oh great, now I'm hitting her) & said WE WERE GOING TO THE MOVIES, WE DISCUSSED THIS... She said I just want peace, I said NO you don't, we already talked about this, so if you dont want to go to Dream Girls, fine. She did tell the Grandkid he had to go home with his brother (they are 14 & 18) & we DID go see Dream Girls. Which was So FABULOUS, by the way!!!!
Doris will pick up the kid tomorrow & bring him back over. Aunt Kathy here wanted a damn break.
Still, I got off my food plan & ate everything in sight, & I had NO control over eating desserts & went crazy with red velvet cake. Geesh, pathetic. Whatever. Today I got up first thing & went to Curves, & plan to every day the rest of the week.
Got a bit upset today when taking the grandkids home, the younger one wanted to stay & Doris thought it was so cute & did not say no. I socked her in the arm (oh great, now I'm hitting her) & said WE WERE GOING TO THE MOVIES, WE DISCUSSED THIS... She said I just want peace, I said NO you don't, we already talked about this, so if you dont want to go to Dream Girls, fine. She did tell the Grandkid he had to go home with his brother (they are 14 & 18) & we DID go see Dream Girls. Which was So FABULOUS, by the way!!!!
Doris will pick up the kid tomorrow & bring him back over. Aunt Kathy here wanted a damn break.
Monday, December 25, 2006
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays to One & All!
All's quiet on the Eastern front over here. Usually I would agree with Bent over at Bent Fabric during this time of the season. I have hated it for years & Cringe at the first Xmas trees, first commercials & HATE the damn music, man it has set me on the edge of STRESS & dread for decades now. It hhas always meant too much to get done & not enough time to do it...
But THIS Year has been different! At first I was so SAD I was too broke to afford my 10 yearly photo albums & enlarge all the pics I've taken thru the year for D's family. Too busted to even buy Doris a great gift. Too paralyzed to even get out my annual Xmas Letters & picture cards. sigh.
Well, who knew it would free me to actually enjoy the holiday??? I am even relaxed. I have just so far floated thru it all & even loved the festivities & parties. In a few hours we shall pick up some grandkids & drive off of Burlington where we always congregate with major family & friends. I'm not even worried. Whatever! I am along for the ride & shall take more pictures, hopefully for next Christmas.
Stay tuned, I shall add to this later after midnight to talk of how it went!
Meanwhile, have a wonderful day everyone!
I am planning on it.
xxoo smooches!
All's quiet on the Eastern front over here. Usually I would agree with Bent over at Bent Fabric during this time of the season. I have hated it for years & Cringe at the first Xmas trees, first commercials & HATE the damn music, man it has set me on the edge of STRESS & dread for decades now. It hhas always meant too much to get done & not enough time to do it...
But THIS Year has been different! At first I was so SAD I was too broke to afford my 10 yearly photo albums & enlarge all the pics I've taken thru the year for D's family. Too busted to even buy Doris a great gift. Too paralyzed to even get out my annual Xmas Letters & picture cards. sigh.
Well, who knew it would free me to actually enjoy the holiday??? I am even relaxed. I have just so far floated thru it all & even loved the festivities & parties. In a few hours we shall pick up some grandkids & drive off of Burlington where we always congregate with major family & friends. I'm not even worried. Whatever! I am along for the ride & shall take more pictures, hopefully for next Christmas.
Stay tuned, I shall add to this later after midnight to talk of how it went!
Meanwhile, have a wonderful day everyone!
I am planning on it.
xxoo smooches!
Friday, December 22, 2006
It's SO ANNOYING
Okay. Has anyone else had this problem??
All of a sudden I am NOT able to leave comments on SO MANY blogs now. I mean like, WHAT THE HELL??? Does anyone know what to do, IS there anything to do? I'm merrily going along, reading my favorite folks, then click to comments & then get thrown out. Afterwhich I have to shut my computer down & turn it back on. Now this is fucked up, not to mention stupid as shit. Sassy or Elizabeth, any suggestions?
And if anyone can get to Tropopause please tell her the window shades need to be opened for takeoff & landing so we can assess conditions outside (ie FIRE!) in case of emergency landings... I wouldn't want to open a door to evacuate if there are flames out there!! I've tried to answer that from weeks ago. She doesn't even have her email addy on her blog, or I would have personally sent her the answer.
Then please tell Queen Maxine at So Many Other Dreams that many airports have taken seating OUT so that homeless people can not sit & sleep...(SO SAD, but true...)
And if you can inform Zoe at Gaymo that I would NOT like to find out if Doris was fucking around on me. (She's taking a poll..) My ego is SO fragile (oh yeah, such a dainty little flower am I) that I would kill them both & leave. After 25yrs together, I would miss her so much, I doubt I could go on without her. (wouldn't miss her family much, tho' HAHAHA!) (ooops! SHUT UP, Kathy.)
Next, I wish I could tell Syd at Adrenalin's Shadow that it'd been great if someone had taught ME how to fight as a kid. (Altho' I would have surely gotten into big trouble with my violent tendencies.) And Julie B did a GREAT meme at Lost Inside My Mind. And I can no longer reply to Deborah at Middle Daughter EITHER...DAMN!!!!
It really pisses me off I can no longer communicate with these cool cyber friends.
Fuck Shit Piss. Dammittohell! Somebody HELP me, Please.
3 days before Xmas, & I am still coasting. Can't do much without money, so it really eliminates STRESS! Hey this is great, who knew? I'm usually in high insanity about now. Instead, I am happy & joyful for what I DO have!
I Love you guys.
All of a sudden I am NOT able to leave comments on SO MANY blogs now. I mean like, WHAT THE HELL??? Does anyone know what to do, IS there anything to do? I'm merrily going along, reading my favorite folks, then click to comments & then get thrown out. Afterwhich I have to shut my computer down & turn it back on. Now this is fucked up, not to mention stupid as shit. Sassy or Elizabeth, any suggestions?
And if anyone can get to Tropopause please tell her the window shades need to be opened for takeoff & landing so we can assess conditions outside (ie FIRE!) in case of emergency landings... I wouldn't want to open a door to evacuate if there are flames out there!! I've tried to answer that from weeks ago. She doesn't even have her email addy on her blog, or I would have personally sent her the answer.
Then please tell Queen Maxine at So Many Other Dreams that many airports have taken seating OUT so that homeless people can not sit & sleep...(SO SAD, but true...)
And if you can inform Zoe at Gaymo that I would NOT like to find out if Doris was fucking around on me. (She's taking a poll..) My ego is SO fragile (oh yeah, such a dainty little flower am I) that I would kill them both & leave. After 25yrs together, I would miss her so much, I doubt I could go on without her. (wouldn't miss her family much, tho' HAHAHA!) (ooops! SHUT UP, Kathy.)
Next, I wish I could tell Syd at Adrenalin's Shadow that it'd been great if someone had taught ME how to fight as a kid. (Altho' I would have surely gotten into big trouble with my violent tendencies.) And Julie B did a GREAT meme at Lost Inside My Mind. And I can no longer reply to Deborah at Middle Daughter EITHER...DAMN!!!!
It really pisses me off I can no longer communicate with these cool cyber friends.
Fuck Shit Piss. Dammittohell! Somebody HELP me, Please.
3 days before Xmas, & I am still coasting. Can't do much without money, so it really eliminates STRESS! Hey this is great, who knew? I'm usually in high insanity about now. Instead, I am happy & joyful for what I DO have!
I Love you guys.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
A Different Kind of Holiday
I didn't realize it's been 2 weeks since I wrote. And here I was going thru all my favorite blogs cussing out the bloggers who haven't added anything new for weeks.... Hmmm. Well, fuck me I guess!
My burnt arm has just about healed itself! I'm going to the Dr. again tomorrow & I expect to be released to clear the "sick list." Even better news, I'm on vacation for these last 2 weeks of Dec! And I am feeling great from all the rest from my 'injury on duty' time off, which is RARE during the holidays because I'd normally pick up major extra trips BEFORE the vacation so my paycheck wouldn't be so sparse. Oh well. Don't know how I'm gona make it in Feb when I get the paycheck the end of Jan with no overtime from Dec. (We're paid the next month for out flights for the present month.) For sure I'll be trying to squeeze in many extra trips in Jan so the end of Feb's pay will be redeeming... hopefully.
Now you see why I haven't written, I have nothing interesting to say.
So D & I've seen 8 movies...
The Departed, Apocalypto,The Nativity, DeJeVu, The Pursuit of Happyness, Casino Royal, & Borat...(hated Borat btw.) Love movie popcorn. Miss the fake butter, tho.
I have no money for Xmas gifts.
The fabulous photo albums I make for all of D's family each year cost well over $1200 which is just not there this year.
Don't feel like doing my yearly Xmas picture card & letter, either. Damn, the stamps are so expensive now.
Decorated the outside & finally put up the Tree. I add a few ornaments each day... pretty half-ass..
It's just always such a struggle for me each year to get it all done in time. Then the kids/grandkids come & the family drama starts, so I get pissed I've put myself out for everyone... Decided not to do anything this year, so I won't get so fucking annoyed. I notice I'm feeling a LOT more holidayish without all that stress. Fuck everyone, I'm just coasting this year. I'm a lot happier this way.
Being broke is sorta embarassing. And depressing. Esp at my age, thought I'd have it more together by now. But it is what it is... And anyway thank God I was able to take out a small loan to pay off some bills & this month's mortgage. phew! I am grateful.
My burnt arm has just about healed itself! I'm going to the Dr. again tomorrow & I expect to be released to clear the "sick list." Even better news, I'm on vacation for these last 2 weeks of Dec! And I am feeling great from all the rest from my 'injury on duty' time off, which is RARE during the holidays because I'd normally pick up major extra trips BEFORE the vacation so my paycheck wouldn't be so sparse. Oh well. Don't know how I'm gona make it in Feb when I get the paycheck the end of Jan with no overtime from Dec. (We're paid the next month for out flights for the present month.) For sure I'll be trying to squeeze in many extra trips in Jan so the end of Feb's pay will be redeeming... hopefully.
Now you see why I haven't written, I have nothing interesting to say.
So D & I've seen 8 movies...
The Departed, Apocalypto,The Nativity, DeJeVu, The Pursuit of Happyness, Casino Royal, & Borat...(hated Borat btw.) Love movie popcorn. Miss the fake butter, tho.
I have no money for Xmas gifts.
The fabulous photo albums I make for all of D's family each year cost well over $1200 which is just not there this year.
Don't feel like doing my yearly Xmas picture card & letter, either. Damn, the stamps are so expensive now.
Decorated the outside & finally put up the Tree. I add a few ornaments each day... pretty half-ass..
It's just always such a struggle for me each year to get it all done in time. Then the kids/grandkids come & the family drama starts, so I get pissed I've put myself out for everyone... Decided not to do anything this year, so I won't get so fucking annoyed. I notice I'm feeling a LOT more holidayish without all that stress. Fuck everyone, I'm just coasting this year. I'm a lot happier this way.
Being broke is sorta embarassing. And depressing. Esp at my age, thought I'd have it more together by now. But it is what it is... And anyway thank God I was able to take out a small loan to pay off some bills & this month's mortgage. phew! I am grateful.
Friday, December 08, 2006
A Meme From Ann
Copy and paste, and put in your own answers...
FULL NAME: Kathlene Mae
1. What is your occupation? Flight Attendant/ (Real Estate Agent...wait a minute, I don't do that much anymore.)
2. What color are your socks right now? Flesh (I'm in BED!) But I always wear black.
3. What are you listening to right now? TV Jay Leno, only because Letterman is a repeat
4. What was the last thing that you ate? Bahaa Fresh Bare chicken Burrito withOUT rice in a bowl
5. Can you drive a stick shift? Hell yeah, my 1st red corvair was a stick!
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Deep Purple
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Deep Purple
7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? A fucking bill collector...
8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? FOR SURE!
9. How old
are you today? 59
10. Favorite drink? Lime perrier & water with Stevia & 5 lemons
11. What is your favorite sport to watch? Dancing With the Stars... Shut up, it is too a sport... okay then ice skating.
12. Have you ever dyed your hair? Used to bleach it blonde
13. Pets-- A Schnauzer & 2 cats
13. Pets-- A Schnauzer & 2 cats
14. Favorite food- -- Italion & Chinese
15. What was the last movie you watched? Running With Scissors
15. What was the last movie you watched? Running With Scissors
16 Favorite day of the year? May 24th
17. What do you do to vent anger? Write in my blog, SCREAM, drive fast
17. What do you do to vent anger? Write in my blog, SCREAM, drive fast
18. What was your favorite toy as a child? Blue Bicycle
19. What is your favorite season? Summer for sure, but Spring is always exciting!
21. Cherries or Blueberries? Cherries..but I'd rather have frozen grapes
22. Do you want your friends to email you back? It's always great to hear from friends
23. Who is most likely to respond? Sassy
24. Who is least likely to respond? Weese
25. Living arrangements? I nest with Doris! Other than that, any ole layover hotel along live's path
26. When was the last time you cried? Last night watching TV
26. When was the last time you cried? Last night watching TV
27. What is on the floor of your closet? a ton of shit
28. Who is the friend you have had the longest you are sendng this to? Tina (6th grade)
29. What did you do last night? Watched America's Next Top Model finale
30. Favorite smells? Red perfume, also Halston & Clinic Aromatics plus FRESH mowed grass in the summertime
31. What inspires you? Hard working people, Gospel Music
32. What are you afraid of? Dying
33. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? I MISS CHEESBURGERS dammit.
33. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? I MISS CHEESBURGERS dammit.
34. Favorite dog breed? POODLES
35. Number of keys on your key ring. Would you believe 15???
36 How many years at your current job? 38 Long motherfuckin' years
36 How many years at your current job? 38 Long motherfuckin' years
37. Favorite day of the week? Saturdays
38. Favorite holiday - Thanksgiving
39. Ever driven a Motorcycle or heavy machinery? Yep. 40. Confident? Generally, but sometimes shy.
Friday, December 01, 2006
Whatever
Oh my Gosh,
I just don't understand...
Why the hell are thing so great when we are NOT around her family??? Just wondering. Because it fucks up EVERY holiday ever in the world. Honestly...
I am a romantic. I USED to think holidays were always SO special & a great romantic sorta celebration between just 2 dykes. And it used to be. Until Doris & her ready-made dysfunctional family. She just LOVES to be around them all. Since I, myself came from crazy-ass family dysfunction, I never understood why people are always SO drawn to that insanity every year.
And I always used to have SUCH romantic holidays with all my boyfriends in the past & then all my gilrfriends up until Doris. In the beginning of our relationship, I mistakingly thought that Doris would eventually tire of all the family dynamics & be grateful to have special holidays with her Lover. Boy was I wrong.
It took a few years for ME to adjust, since she didn't. I started taking pictures of all the family gatherings & finally got into it by basically becoming the family historian. Every Xmas I give them all 8X10 photo albums of the entire year & it's become quite a tradition.
Actually, it will be invaluable after Doris, myself, & her Sister's die as all the memories will be recorded for the grans which will be all grown up, maybe with their own kids, continuing the whole nutcase process in their own way.
Unfortunately this year I am broke & in debt, so I may not be able to do such grand Xmas presents... I have not even gotten the film developed yet.
So far I have been so upset, that I am not even stressing over it yet, as I had just been trying to get thru the visitations/home invasions & feeling unappreciated by my dearest Love. Guess these things will never change.. I just have to learn to live with it... Blood is thicker than water & all that yada yada yada shit.
So to have had these days be so good, to have my old life back, to be shouted to "I LOVE YOU" down the asile in the middle of Target today gave me back some balance. Yay! She is so much fun when it is just us, together.
But have no fear, the looser son is still around & will undoubtably be back...
However for the past week he's been off doing "his thing," whatever & whoever that is. And it's been so much better!
In fact, it just occured to me that I passed my 26th anniversary clean & dry on Thanksgiving. I had felt so much stress that I could barely focus on staying sober & not picking up... booze, drugs OR food! So anyway, I made it another year! Bravo for me.
BTW, I just can't believe all the blog entries I've missed over the past week...or 2 or three. How is it possible that life goes on when I'm so miserable??? hah! Just kidding.
So get a load of THIS......
I burned my damn hand & arm..
On a flight from Lax to Ewr..
Serving hot, greasy steaks,
I don't know what happened, there wasn't even any turbulence.
I had 2 entrees on my tray, on my way out of the galley & I banged into a wall (big spaz) & hot steaks fell all over me onto the floor, but the burning GREASE just seared into my skin, all over my apron & blouse, & it hurt like a motherfucker!!
I immediately threw my whole arm into the ice drawer & kept it there for 15-20 min, called the #5 from the back to come up & help the other flight attendant while I tried to deal with the burns.
I went to a care center the next morning (it was around 0200am when I got home.)
The Dr. put some creme on it & wrapped my hand & arm as blisters had formed.
I was then taken off my trip for that day (I was to have flown 4 days in a row.)
I go back on monday to get it checked.
So meanwhile I am resting & getting well!
Hence, I finally had time to add a new blog entry.
Sorry about all the complaining. I think my online journal has become as boring as some of the others I got tired of in the past! Unfortunately my bitching may well continue thru the whole month of Dec, ARE YOU KIDDING?? How 'bout forever. I guess I'll have to try (another) New Years resolution to be More Positive... Next year. grin.
I just don't understand...
Why the hell are thing so great when we are NOT around her family??? Just wondering. Because it fucks up EVERY holiday ever in the world. Honestly...
I am a romantic. I USED to think holidays were always SO special & a great romantic sorta celebration between just 2 dykes. And it used to be. Until Doris & her ready-made dysfunctional family. She just LOVES to be around them all. Since I, myself came from crazy-ass family dysfunction, I never understood why people are always SO drawn to that insanity every year.
And I always used to have SUCH romantic holidays with all my boyfriends in the past & then all my gilrfriends up until Doris. In the beginning of our relationship, I mistakingly thought that Doris would eventually tire of all the family dynamics & be grateful to have special holidays with her Lover. Boy was I wrong.
It took a few years for ME to adjust, since she didn't. I started taking pictures of all the family gatherings & finally got into it by basically becoming the family historian. Every Xmas I give them all 8X10 photo albums of the entire year & it's become quite a tradition.
Actually, it will be invaluable after Doris, myself, & her Sister's die as all the memories will be recorded for the grans which will be all grown up, maybe with their own kids, continuing the whole nutcase process in their own way.
Unfortunately this year I am broke & in debt, so I may not be able to do such grand Xmas presents... I have not even gotten the film developed yet.
So far I have been so upset, that I am not even stressing over it yet, as I had just been trying to get thru the visitations/home invasions & feeling unappreciated by my dearest Love. Guess these things will never change.. I just have to learn to live with it... Blood is thicker than water & all that yada yada yada shit.
So to have had these days be so good, to have my old life back, to be shouted to "I LOVE YOU" down the asile in the middle of Target today gave me back some balance. Yay! She is so much fun when it is just us, together.
But have no fear, the looser son is still around & will undoubtably be back...
However for the past week he's been off doing "his thing," whatever & whoever that is. And it's been so much better!
In fact, it just occured to me that I passed my 26th anniversary clean & dry on Thanksgiving. I had felt so much stress that I could barely focus on staying sober & not picking up... booze, drugs OR food! So anyway, I made it another year! Bravo for me.
BTW, I just can't believe all the blog entries I've missed over the past week...or 2 or three. How is it possible that life goes on when I'm so miserable??? hah! Just kidding.
So get a load of THIS......
I burned my damn hand & arm..
On a flight from Lax to Ewr..
Serving hot, greasy steaks,
I don't know what happened, there wasn't even any turbulence.
I had 2 entrees on my tray, on my way out of the galley & I banged into a wall (big spaz) & hot steaks fell all over me onto the floor, but the burning GREASE just seared into my skin, all over my apron & blouse, & it hurt like a motherfucker!!
I immediately threw my whole arm into the ice drawer & kept it there for 15-20 min, called the #5 from the back to come up & help the other flight attendant while I tried to deal with the burns.
I went to a care center the next morning (it was around 0200am when I got home.)
The Dr. put some creme on it & wrapped my hand & arm as blisters had formed.
I was then taken off my trip for that day (I was to have flown 4 days in a row.)
I go back on monday to get it checked.
So meanwhile I am resting & getting well!
Hence, I finally had time to add a new blog entry.
Sorry about all the complaining. I think my online journal has become as boring as some of the others I got tired of in the past! Unfortunately my bitching may well continue thru the whole month of Dec, ARE YOU KIDDING?? How 'bout forever. I guess I'll have to try (another) New Years resolution to be More Positive... Next year. grin.
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