Letting off some steam

I got really sick on my last flight.  Threw up big time in the aft lav.  The flight attendants were wonderful, told me to lie down in an enpty row of seats & one went up to FC to take over for me.  I really was so ill & dizzy.  And freezing, too.  Had blankets all over me.  Was never so happy to land in LAX.  I slept it off thru the night at the hotel & though I didn't feel good when I woke up, I was able to rally & get it together by pick up.

By the time the trip back home started I was feeling GREAT, almost manic in fact because I was so happy I no longer felt sick!  There is nothing like feeling deathly ill to appreciate feeling good when you get well.  I was HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!

I think I know what caused it.  D & I had a big fight that morning before I went to the airport.  Found out we owe $500 on electric & gas...  D had only been paying small increments ($125 or so) of the bills that come in.  When I said you can't DO that she screamed the bills are too much, they're too much.  I just can't pay all that. 

great.

Doris retired 2 yrs ago with thousands of dollars of personal credit card debt.  She has NO intention of getting another job. When I begged her once again this day to get a job she said 'I can take in foster kids..'  I was like OH GOD, give me a break.  (This is probably the main reason I was pukeing my gutts up later at work as we all KNOW how I feel about living here with children, even if they are only visiting.) 

I said are we going to have to sell the house?  I can't work any harder than I'm doing now...  feel like I'm gona keel over with exhaustion at 60yrs I'm working so much overtime.  She said sell the house & we'll go into a Sr Citizen apt.  my heart sunk.  We have pets.  We have stuff.  We have privacy.  Apts are not private they are noisy.  You can hear thru the fucking walls, floors & ceilings.  I'm sad. 

I pay the mortgage, the phone bill, my cell bill, my car note, insurance & gas, curves & half the groceries. I just can't make any more than this. D is supposed to pay the gas & electric, the garbage pick up, cable tv, her cell, her car note, car insurance & gas, curves & half the groceries. 
I depend on her for this.  But she likes to take her sister out to eat & of course she spent that $100 on her son's bus ticket for xmas...  That could have been put to our gas/electric bill. 

And we like to eat out too much, ourselves.  That will have to stop. 

So I freaked out & got totally ill.  Hurled chunks.  It got to me.  I'm better now.  And trying not to panic. 

But I am so pissed.  And just SO dissappointed.  yeah, in her.  She doesn't communicate about these important things...  like MONEY.  Because she just doesn't care.  At 72 she has informed me that she is just not going to worry about anything.  Life will take care of itself.  Jesus Christ. Somebody HELP me!

At least we have our health.  (perhaps  not our mental health so much, ha!) 

Well, guess that's enough of a rant for now. 
shit.