Reflecting

Phew, that was a close one!  Escaping depression ain't that easy!  I do think the (FUCKING) heat didn't help any, it really IS impossible to move in this kind of weather.  But hey, if it were the middle of winter with snow drifts blowing 10 ft high, & Doris & I had a fight, it'd be the same.

Relationships are hard, & when I feel hurt or betrayed I usually want to cut & run..  Or more to the point run & fuck - to feel wanted & appreciated.  Luckily I worked thru that behavior decades back & I would never do that now.

Besides if you dump the one you're with, the next will have just as much fucked up baggage.... maybe even more.  It could always be worse.  And I really doubt it could ever be better - unless we get better ourselves, which is not always possible & surely not easy.

I'm aware part of my problem is that my entire focus is on Doris, whereas her focus is split a hundred ways, between sisters, children, grandchildren & church.  But I LIKE just focusing on Doris. 

I think it's romantic, albeit ahhh, what was that psychological buzz word 10-15 yrs ago, oh hell I just can't think of it, but it's definitely not positive. Oh yeah, CO-DEPENDANT!  Well hell, I block THAT one out so easily I can't even remember what it's called!  However I do not wish to change that part of myself.  Obviously.

I'm thinking I'm so loyal, but I'm clearly just possessed!  (har har!) 

I want to acknowledge those who supported me during this last melancholy siege with their blog comments or by personal email.  Thank y'all!  It takes a village,.. hehe... to raise an inner child, let alone any child.