Oh God. Big Fight.

We had a big fight this morning.  It started because after vacuming & straightening the house, I noticed a big smudge mark on the couch the kids left.  I mentioned that it bothered me because they should have cleaned it up with a damp cloth instead of rubbing it in thinking we wouldn't notice. 

 Doris exploded saying I never say anything nice about anyone, that I make bigger messes than that everywhere, & nothing is as bad as what the cats do, scratching the corner of that couch. 

She was screaming & screaming, I was like, well Im trying to change & be neater & clean up more.

 And I was nicer & I was better, belive me if I wasn't so nice I would have said a LOT about Herman that I didnt,

then she was like well you're writing it all in your computer how terrible everyone is,

Im like well I sure as hell can't talk to you about it, God forbid your damn blood pressure will go up, oh I know, let's just all ignore everything & it will go away & everything & everyone will be just fine....  

She went on & on about how terrible I was & am, i was like well if you're so damn miserable why do you stay with me?  She said "I just let it all roll off my back." 

I said you have a lot of fucking nerve after how I worked so hard to get this house together for your kids & grandkids how dare you,

she was like I've cleaned up after your ass for years, & most of this mess was yours... 

I was crying she said oh now you're gona start crying,

I said youre wrong & your fucked up she was like well that makes 2 of us...  it went on & on... 

She said I needed to go to church tonight & pray hard, I said you need a shrink & fucking therapy (& I should have added & SO DO YOU CHILDREN.)

I was so pissed, I have been trying so hard to be good (it is NOT easy) & tidy even getting up this morning to clean to stay on top of it all.  She is pissed at Herman & is screaming at me.  She can go fuck herself, which Im sure she does. 

After that we went to brunch & had a nice afternoon walking around Jersey Gardens Mall.  as if nothing had happened.  well, fine.  Is this the way it will be from now on?  Try to take a page from her & just let it roll of my back?

We came home & she cooked a delecious dinner for us.  By the way I have now lost 25 lbs by the end of the year!!!  since sept. 

Now for New Years Eve we are going to church.  shit.  Id rather just stay in our cozy home in bad flipping thru the new years eve show as the ball drops.  No dinner to go to down the street this year.  Sad, that was fun for the past 2 years. 

I just do not believe this shit.  Gotta run, & get ready.  shit shit shit.  Fuck.