Octfuckingtober

It snowed in Oct.  
Really stupid.  
Can't stand it.  
Didn't even shovel, 
I'm willing it to just melt away.  
Sure.  

I am grateful to have electricity & TV.  
Many do not.  
Trees have split & fallen in the back yard.  
And everywhere.  
Lines are down.  
Stupid east coast.

I went out of control with halloween candy.  
Milky ways, Hershey Bars.  Chocolate cake.  
It is HEAVEN.  
True fucking heaven.
Can't stop.
Gained 5 lbs in a week.

That was last week.  
Probably 5 more lbs this week.

I am sad & weak.
And FAT for real.
I've never been heavier.
I am grateful Doris hasn't dumped me
For a new slender model.


I was however infuriated with her
when she wouldn't let me adopt
the most beautiful tigress cat.
  
She should have said okay Kath,
 if that's what you want.
If that will make you happy.

But she said NO.
And she meant it.
And of course I considered
getting the cat anyway,
getting 2 cats.  
What would she do then?

Oh she's got heart murmurs
and high blood pressure...
I must NOT upset her!
I am SO PISSED.

We are together 30 years ...
What am I supposed to do?

If I were younger I would dump her 
for someone who loves animals.

But when I WAS younger
she DID get me cats 
and a Dog.

They are now buried out back.
It's been over a year.
I really miss fur
And cuddling with critters.


But she is happier 
without pet hair on furniture & clothes,
no kitty litter in the house,
& not having to walk a dog.


Not to mention 
my having to pay for pet food, 
kitty litter, &
vet bills -


Something I should have paid for more of
If I had the money to take them 
to the Dr more often,
Maybe they would still be alive today.

sigh.


Somebody pass the candybars.
.