Ms Annie Barnes

You never know when a kernal of kindness will change somebody's life. 

Yesterday we sang at the funeral of the past president of our church choir.  She was very kind & quiet.  Well, at least as far as I could tell.  You never really know what a person is like at home behind closed doors!  (I won't go into My mother here, but believe me she was very different from what others thought.) 

Anyway, Ms Annie Barnes seemed very humble & devout to me.  And in particular, she was so very loving with her grand daughters, you could tell by the way they always ran to her to get warm hugs or sit in her lap.  They seemed to adore her, and she truly adored them. 

Also she was very close to her sister Mildred, whom I also loved.  Mildred has kind & loving eyes always with a twinkle, & a sweet smile.  They were lucky to have each other.

I had for decades gone to the choir practices of my life partner Doris, who is a fabulous gospel singer!  One day Ms Annie invited me to join the Senior Choir.  It was so long ago I don't even remember what year it was.  I couldn't believe it, being tone deaf (basically) & a white woman (not really all that too basically,) it was a real honor.  

It was a thrill, at least for me. I'm not really sure what the rest of the church thought, but they are all very good to me.  For about a decade now I've gotten to sit/stand next to my Doris & sing my lungs out, which is a real high with such a wonderful choir.  Luckily they all drown me out!

Ms Annie sweetly, kindly asked me to join their choir.  She did it from the bottom of her heart.  She changed my life.  I'll always remember her.  God bless Annie Loyce Barnes.

Time To Leave Again

Well gee whilikers,

     Three days off went like a snap of the fingers.  crap.  Time to go again.  Don't wanna.

     Came into ewr sat night on a crash landing, well not really but it felt that way on wind sheers.  Overhead bins opened, a panel fell off the ceiling lighting, stuff went flying as we BANGED onto the tarmac.  I was sitting on the 767 back wall jump seat & turbulence is always the worst in the back!  It was scary, but we all walked away unharmed. 

     I think that landing shook my brains up, tho'.  I've just sort of gone thru these days off in a fog, forgetting things.  geesh.  But Doris stuck with me, was by my side each day.  Went to Curves & watched a lot of great TV.  Thank God she loves television as much as I do, it's so relaxing.  There isn't much I'd rather be doing than cuddling side by side in our big kingsize bed, watching fun programs on a big screen TV.  It may sound boring to everybody else, but it's wonderful to me.

That was a Nice Mini-vacation

Oh my gosh, what a wonderful 6 day time off I had!  That snow was insane.  Valentine's Day was very quiet, really nice.  Slept all day, stayed in bed & watched soaps together, &  worked on my Arbonne Website.  I don't know what I'm doin', I can't seem to make the website work.  whatever.  I'll have to get some help.

Doris got up early, went out & got me pink roses & cards!  I had already set up red roses, cards & a heart pillow that says 'LOVER GIRL' & a little toy poodle that plays 'Let me call you sweetheart' when you push her tummy.  One of the cards I got her talks about "scrumptious buns" & blows a wolf whislte when you  open it up.  It was so cute!

Went to a quick Weight Watcher's meeting & have FINALLY lost 30 lbs !!!  GLORY HALLELUIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   

 

Doris cooked a delicious chicken dinner when I got home & we then watched some good TV. 

What a nice, relaxing day.

Now I'm in LAX, took 6 f#*kin' hours to get here.  My back even hurts.  Poor kid I'm flying with is totally tormented over breaking up with a dumbass pilot she fell madly in love with (5 months ago!-ha!).  Jeese, she is in SO MUCH PAIN & can't quit crying.  Poor baby.  She found porn on his computer & that was it for her.  young girl porn.  not so good, esp since she looks 14, herself.  She wants to quit flying over this putz & the rest of us are telling her NOT to quit over some damn man, she'll get over him some day.  Of course she can't imagine ever getting over him.  Poor, poor little sweet dumbbutt.  I feel for her, it was only 30 years ago I was fucked up over Charlie like that.  Phew!  Wouldn't want to trade places & go back & re-live my 20's for anything.

Thank you God, Goddess, Universe for getting me out of THAT insanity.

I am grateful for my life today.

 

Shoveling Snow Sucks

Wow, I'm aching & wracked with pain today.  Shoveling 2 feet of snow from the driveway was just CRAZY!  I mean, there was no place to shovel the shit.  It was like trying to throw snow over a 4 ft wall after a while.  I was so worn out.  What a job!  Yes, the snow is beautiful in the beginning, but SHOVELING is no joke.  I am sore, my arms are weighing 200lbs each today.  I was out there hating NJ yesterday!  Give me the blue skys & fleecy clouds, flowers & green grass of California ANY day.  Such a drag I couldn't get Doris to move there.

There's a blizzard Out There

OH MY GOSH!

It is snowing SO MUCH.  Luckily my flight cancelled, thank GOD.

I could barely shovel a 3 feet patch for Roxie to go out & pee in this morning.  Ye Gads, the snow is 2 ft high!

I'm going back to sleep!

A Nice Surprise

While I was in Los Angeles, I pulled up my email on a hotel computer.  To my pleasant surprise I recieved a letter from a young friend of mine.  It was so sweet. 

I used to sit in church with this child & her foster sisters when they were all literally babies.  Each one so beautiful & precious, they would take turns sitting on my lap, lay all over me & sleep thru the sermons.  They were so funny & cute, each trying on my reading glasses, all of my rings, drawing pictures, & writing notes when they got a little older & started school.  When their kindly foster father died, they were left living with their mean, overwhelmed foster mother & much bedlam ensued that I won't go into.  It was not good. 

Now, over a decade later, this sweet girl has reached out & emailed that she is gay.  Im not sure how old she is at this point, maybe 14, 15 or 16...  She also added that she has always thought of me as a mother image as well as a friend.  What an honor!  And how amazing to actually know your sexual preferance so young.  Heck, I was over 30 & had been thru many men before I finally came out.  (As those of you who've read my "Coming Out Chronicals" in the archives already know!)

Anyway, life is always a new adventure, especially when you're a teenager.  You have already come thru so much in your young life, my friend & you will survive these adolescent years as well, in fact they will be over SO much sooner than you could ever imagine! 

And life goes on....

Why are things getting prickly?

Ah Gee,  just tried for 1 1/2 hrs to set up a website at Arbonne Skin Care.  But alas it didn't go thru.  I swear, I am so lame on the computer.  Well at least this wasn't a matter of life & death like say  getting my flying bids turned in on time every month.  Now THAT's important because it controls my life's schedule ea month.

I'm SO fUCKING upset.  I gained 4 fucking ounces this week, which in the scheme of things isn't terrible, but I ONLY had 3 more (THREE!) ounces to loose before making it to a 30 lb loss.  fuck.  NOW, I gotta loose 7 ounces to make it to 30lbs.  shit fuck piss.  I know this sounds ridiculous to someone NOT struggling to loose fat, but I SWEAR it is SO DAMN Hard.  Now the reality check was that my poor Weight Watcher leader just lost her husband after a short sickness.  Aaaaaa, okay... 4 oz's ... - not such a tradgedy.  damn.

So I get home from LA & this morning found out Doris pulled out a big box (with shelves in it) & therefore all the clothes I had folded & stacked on it was now in a huge heap on the floor.  She thinks I should set up the shelves & put the clothes on that.  Okay, fine.  BUT I have been TRYING so HARD to be neat & organized, & clean the house every 3 or so days since jan 1.  And now my neat stack of sweat pants & tee shirts is now a big pile. 

I was so mad.  Hurt that she would do that after I was doing so much better.  After I blew up & yelled at her, I then just blew it off.  Okay, she supposedly moved it to get under the TV to try to hook up cable.  But that was so rude.

THEN, I was going to meet Doris & Sis after I went to get weighed in at Weight Watchers tonight.  I called when the meeting was over to find out where they were & they had gone to a restaurant 30 min away & were already sitting at the table eating bread.  Hell, I thought they were just going around the corner from where I was when I told her I'd meet them.  I felt hurt.  I of COURSE was STARVING because I didn't eat before the weigh in, so I therefore was emotional.  I just drove to Bajha Fresh & got a Bare Burrito take out (11 points) came home & shoveled it in.  Then I felt better & got over it.

But I'm wondering about tomorrow.  She's acting not so sensitive around here.  What the HELL is going on.  Or am I just too touchy?  I keep trying to stay centered so as not to go off on her.  I guess it is all about that I am focused on only her, & she has many others to focus on.  Same story 11th verse.

Time To Fly Again

Gee wiz, I don't wanna go.  WaaAAAAaaa.  I guess it's a good thing I have a job, because I honestly would rather just sit around & fart!  I seriously have to fight my "inner slug" everyday. 

And it's SO hard to leave Doris esp. now that she's retired & doesn't work.  She deserves it after all these years of breaking her butt & raising 3 kids on her own, I've never worked THAT hard.  But still I am tired! 

It was much easier to shut the door & walk out when she was gone & at her office.  Now it's like trying to tear a piece of my heart away, stretching like a rubber band until it SNAPS!  ooowwwie.  Would it be as painful if I wasn't so co-dependant?  Hell, yes.

Well, I surely owe an appology to the poor nun I dissed in my last entry.  Seems I totally misread her take on morality & Brokeback Mountain,etc. when I visited her blog last night.  I'm sorry Stephanie, I totally just went off on you & those that responded.  I seriously thought you were so uptight & homophobic when it seems, you all are just the opposite.  I am glad I was Wrong, wrong, wrong.  Actually, I'm relieved!

Okay, time to get off my big ass & head to the damn airport.  CRAP.  I'd really rather stay & watch the memorials for Coretta Scott King all day!  What a Woman, what a Spirit, what a Powerful Example to us all.

Well....  Another day, another tray.  

So glad I'll be working with nice Flight Attendants.  Trudge on, y'all.

No Sleep & Transexuality

Well, don't ask me why but I couldn't sleep all night.  I HATE insomnia, & it happens way too often.  I'd say it's just another symptom of hot flashes & the 'pause', but I've had it on & off all my life. 

Yeah, slumber constipation... the absence of any kind of Rest...  drives ya insane!...  Thank GOD I didn't have to work today.  That is the worst, when I have to get up early in the predawn to shlep to the airport & actually be cordial with NO sleep. 

Well anyway, it's always one extreme or the other - I wanna sleep all day or I CAN'T sleep all night.  And now me without a snack.  Makes me CRAZY, I'll tell ya'.

Well, that was boring.  Okay I've become one of those.  Maybe I should have just started reading boring blogs to fall asleep.  I'll have to remember that for next time. 

BTW, Doris & I went to see "TransAmerica" last sat afternoon!  I think we were the only dykes in the room, altho' I saw a few gay 'brothers' in there.  No, it was a matinee' of white, presbyterian-like senior citizens...  Never-the-less, it was GREAT!  And really funny!  Wow, that Felecity Huffman really deserves 'Best Actress,'  she was AMAZing. 

And so was her penis.  Yup, I said it, that woman had a good sized schwantz.  Great scene when her son in the car doesn't know this lady is his father, she has to "go" so is squatting in her skirt to take a whiz behind the car, she hears an animal noise that scares her & jumps up, out pops her dick with pee streaming in all directions, so she just stands there & holds it till she's done...  the kid happens to notice this in the rear view mirror & does a double take, & the whole theatre is dying in laughter.

I thought it did well to promote better understanding of the trannie community to the ignorant & unknowing.  I just read a blog of some nun talking about morality in movies today, including Brokeback Mountain. Gawd she was such a prig.  Wonder what she would think about THIS one!  haha.  She had all these commenters saying "write on, Sister" & "I couldn't have said it better" & other lame-ass shit. 

You know, that's the great thing about living on either coast.  Those filler states just can't quite keep up, to say the least!  I remember growing up in Texas.  Yeah, things have changed some, but definately NOT enough! 

 Actually, NJ aint all that much better---  I really SHOULD have stayed in The City (Manhattan) after all those 27yrs of living there.  My GOD the NYC mindset is just SO FREEING. 

Ah, but alas...  The things you do for L O V E.  At least the things I'VE done... hmmmm..let's not go there... 

Well suffice it to say, buying a little house with Doris & moving to New Jersey 10 yrs ago is about the Least unhealthy thing I've done compared to my illustrious past.  AH GEESE, why is everything such a compromise???   Guess that one is for another entry, another day.

The Super Bowl's over, gee wiz

Well, another year over, all the advertising hype, the hopes/bets of wierd sports freaks across Americana, not to mention the way overpaid football players who have now won, or saddly lost (I Do feel sorry for the Seahawks, I thougth they played the best in the 1st quarter) is OVER.

It was a great game, I actually got into it, really watched it all till the bitter end.  I started out for the Pittsburgh Steelers, but they seemed so lame in the beginning (plus their uniforms were ugly) so I switched over to Seattle pretty early, I go for underdogs a lot.  Plus their dark blue uniforms were slick & their helmets were cool, too. 

It's always been such an American pastime, the ole' Superbowl, at least in my era.  I always hated it, as I did all sports- those yucky, stinky, sweaty men-boys just too much testosterone for me. Of course, one guy is too much testosterone for me most days. The older I get, the less patience I have for any of the idiot dorks....  or any idiot dork for that matter, no matter what the chromosome.

Which leads me to half time with Mick Jaggar & the Rolling Stones!  Okay, you know, that band is still GREAT!  As geriatric as those dudes are, they are STILL the best!  Well granted, the ole boy dances like a spaz, he's a like a pogo stick with a microphone.  I loved it, tho' no matter what anybody says about that performance, it was fun! 

I am aware however, that African Americans not only in Detroit, but thru out the country were pissed that no Motown artists were asked to do the Super Bowl Halftime, & they are RIGHT.  It IS absurd, stupid even.  Such a great wealth of the WORLDS GREATEST black recording stars & they ask The Stones.  Ridiculous.

Aretha was fABULOUS at the first singing beFORe the game started...  I would have REALLY LOVED to hear her sing MORE.  It really wasn't right. Life just isn't fair too often, but when you're a black person, it seems really rough.  I don't think things will ever be right in this country in my lifetime.  May be in the future in the next century. Hell, who am I kidding?  There is Still SO much work to do in that area. White Americans are just fucked.

The commercials, by the way were hilarious, as usual.  I liked the streaking lamb, & Fabio getting OLD.  Lord knows, it's happening to all of us, WAY too fast.

Leaving on A Jet Plane...

Im flying out again later today to LAX.  Don't wanna leave my warm, cuddly bed with Doris all snuggled up here.

Little did I know when singing Peter, Paul & Mary's "I'm Leaving On A Jet Plane..." over & over again in college it would someday become the 'bane' of my exsistence. haha!  I do still like the job, I just don't wanna leave home...

Once I'm on the plane, up in the air working, I'm fine. Not that it's hard, but I am good at it...  I do get exhausted after 37 yrs now, but it's a lot easier than selling Real Estate (which I also have done) because Flight Attendants are NICE & Real Estate agents suck.  (Well, except for a very few.)

Last night I was reading Rosie's Blog, I really dig Rosie O'Donnell.  Low & behold, she, & everyone writing in comments - no longer like The View or American Idol.  Okay, whatever.  Well, I still LOVE both. 

I LOVE The View, except for that little, snitty, no-brain Elisabeth they added last year.  And Star should admit she had gastric bypass instead of acting as if she lost all that weight with dieting, excercise & 'Love.' Joy's a riot, & Meridith is good. I miss Lisa Ling. 

I also still love Am. Idol, I mean REALLY, those no-singing, no talent dolts NEED to be told they're BAD.  Simon still cracks me up, Paula & Randy - fun.  Everyone knows Simon is MEAN so If you can't take it, then don't go on that show. 

I just love TV, that's all.  It is fun & relaxes me.  These brainiacs that don't watch TV are missing it!  Guess I'm just easily entertained. So maybe I'm a dolt, too!

Oh, PS:  at Weight Watcher's last night I have NOW LOST 29 LBS!!!  YEEAAAAAAAAA  ME !!!!!!!!!

Gotta go put on the war paint & forge onward. 

Tromp Tromp Tromp.....